You have returned to me by chicke

Love and Loss

You Have Returned to me.

'Thought'

"Speaking"

(Actions/sounds)

Italics - flashbacks

Italic & bold - writings

Baka - Stupid/Fool

Nani - What

Onna - Women

Ningen - human

Youkai - Demon

Youki - Demon Energy or Aura

Taiyoukai - Great Demon

Inu - Dog

InuYoukai - Dog Demon

Kami - God(s)

Koishii - Beloved

Koi - Love

Sensei / shishou - Teacher

*~~~~* - Switching POV between first and third or switching topic.

Chapter One

Love and Loss

He was not always the cold, ruthless killer he was now known to be. He used to love and was loved in return. That love had cost him and his Koishii dearly, just how much it had cost you will soon find out. He is the son of 2 powerful Taiyoukai, there was much to be proud of especially in his heritage.

His mother was a being attracted to power, which resulted in her mating his father. She never loved her mate she just wanted to the benefits that came with the mating. To be Lady of the West was an honor and placed her high within youkai society, which was exactly where she liked to be. His mother was never the loving kind, she did not believe in coddling as she called it. Never once had a he received a hug or kiss from his mother just because she loved him. The only motherly attention he received was when she thought it would benefit her. Once she mated his father and provided him with an heir she no longer kept to her duty as a mate. They did not share a room or intimate contact it was a loveless relationship. This was how he thought a relationship should be because this was what he saw as a pup. She had moved out of his father's palace when he was introduced to early adulthood about when he was 50 years or so. Now she lives in a castle funded by his father's wealth and only compelled to visit at least once a century, and there she still lives centuries after his father's death.

His father was the most powerful InuYoukai alive he was known as the Inu no Taishou {the Dog General} the ruler of all things inu. He was the ruler of the Western Lands, the most powerful, flourishing Lands in Japan . His land held all of the best and beautiful nature had to offer, from hot springs and mountains to sunsets and flowers. None could match his power! He was cold and calculating, calm and graceful, decisive and perceptive He was everything a Youkai wished to be. He was a strict father and tough shishou, his beliefs were strong. His Instincts were sharp but he did not always follow them. He thought rules do not apply to him, that all but him were to follow the laws of the youkai court. He was a hypocrite! He would preach not to do something, punish the offenders but he would go out and do what he punished others for doing.

*~~~~~*

Sesshomaru sat behind his desk within his study reading records that his father had left behind. Picking up one of the scrolls he began to read, as he read he became stunned then thrown down memory lane. The scroll was about someone he had not thought about since his mother and father were still living within the same palace, which was centuries ago. The old familiar heartbreak formed in his chest as he read what his father had written. It was about his Koishii.

:: Scroll ::

It would seem my son has fallen in love with a ningen onna and mated her. The order has been made to seize her and then dispose of her before my son could do whatever he had been planning. I will not allow my Lands to fall because of a filthy ningen onna. I had warned my son to stay clear from her but he did not listen so the necessary actions were taken.

The law clearly states that a Lord must mate a full blooded youkai, to maintain a strong line.

It was unheard of for a youkai lord to mate a Ningen, miko or no. A hanyou would be the result of such a union. The youkai court would not allow a hanyou to rule as a lord, it is against the laws to do so.

My men had found the onna traveling to the location they were to meet. As she was being punished for her crimes her screams for Sesshomaru's help could be heard for miles. She died while screaming his name. Her last words were words of her love for my son. I did not like to do things like this but I had no choice my hand was forced.

That was the death of the onna.

:: End Scroll ::

I was in love! There was no other word for it, the feeling in my heart that stirred my very soul. My Koishii was brave, compassionate, loyal, fiery, and willful. She cared for all beings be they Ningen, hanyou or youkai it did not matter to her, there was no heart more pure. Her selflessness was astounding she had always put others before herself.

:: Flashback ::

"Father" Sesshomaru called while knocking lightly at the entrance of his father's study.

"Come in Sesshomaru." an older voice sounded from inside of the room.

Pushing the shoji aside he stepped into his father's study and bowed in respect to his sire. "Father." turning to those within the study, "Lord Ryukotsugei, Lord Akin" he said with a slight nod in welcome then turned back to his father. "You requested to see me?" he asked his father while standing tall and proud like he was taught to.

"Yes Sesshomaru, I will be otherwise engaged to make the patrol this eve and you will patrol in my leave." the older Inu stated in a tone that said it was an order.

"Yes father." Sesshomaru replied before taking dismissing himself from the room.

Sesshomaru had left shortly after his father bid him to patrol wanting to start during daylight. He liked patrolling; he rarely had leave from the palace. His father would only allow him to leave the safety of the palace walls to patrol when he could not. This was becoming quite frequent as of late. He did not mind though he enjoyed the freedom he gained while patrolling.

A few days after, he started patrolling he felt a strong surge of holy ki coming from the borders of the western lands. He was a man of many intrigues and power was one of them. He lived to increase his personal strength by fighting those of great power. Be it youkai, houshi, or miko it mattered not as long as they proved to be a good fight. Fighting houshi or miko did have its advantages, you grew tolerant of holy energy, much more so when the strength of his blood came into play. He had never met houshi or miko who held enough power to purify him until he met her.

Once he had walked upon the clearing he had sensed great power and he was greatly surprised to see a young petite onna fighting a pack of hungry wolves. The ookami youkai surrounded her; the odds were one to five. Ookami never hunted alone, they always traveled in packs, so when one is ambushed by hungry only the strong survive!

The onna unsheathed her sword at her hip while the first ookami leaped at her clearly intending to rip out her throat. The sword in her hand was long and pure silver. The hilt of the sword was also silver but it was decorated with emeralds and rubies studding the bottom of the hilt while it is wrapped in white and pink. It was a beauty, there was no sword like it anywhere for it was given by the kami. She was their special project, never once had they given life to a purer soul. When the last youkai fell to her sword Sesshomaru decided to make his presence known.

She knew he was there but since he was not an immediate threat she dealt with those that were at the moment.

Walking into the clearing the onna was occupying, Sesshomaru's steps were deliberant as to study her before he reached her. He walked with the confidence of a warrior his father had raised him to be. "Ningen, you are trespassing. Leave now or I shall remove you permanently." he stated coming to a stop a good ten feet from her.

The sword still clutched in her hands she moved to a defensive stance once his words were spoken. "I am only passing through and will be gone soon enough" she told the youkai prince who looked at her arrogantly. She wanted nothing more than to wipe that superior mask right off his face, she hoped he would give her that chance.

Not liking the tone she used in speaking with him he moved faster then the Ningen eye could detect and had her pinned to a tree by her neck. "I will kill you for your impudence." he stated as his claws glowed green with his poison.

She placed her hands around his wrist before he spoke trying to will her powers to save her. Once he spoke it was all she needed for her survival instincts to kick in. Instead of just her hand, her whole body glowed with an unearthly pink burning the youkai flesh attached to her person.

Sesshomaru dropped his grip around the girls neck, the pure light was painful, so much more so than he was used to dealing with. He did not let it show on the outside but inwardly he was worried. If he had continued to hold onto her he would have been purified. His hand that was around her neck was burnt so badly he would not be able to use it for a while. Snarling at her he spoke "Wench! You dare to attack this Sesshomaru?" he thought indignantly he could not believe the nerve of this onna to attack his person like that. It had been a truly long time since he was faced with someone who was not afraid of him.

Discreetly sniffing the air he had found not a hint of fear, this puzzled and annoyed him. 'Why is she not afraid of this Sesshomaru like every other Ningen?' he wondered truly confused with the state of things.

She looked at the youkai lord; head held high her eyes shone with defiance she would not back down from this youkai git! "Yes I do! When your Lordliness attacks my person first!" she replied in the same tone used with her. She may not have been as physically strong or fast as him but her powers were great and would give him a run for his money and she knew this!

He was at a loss for what to say or do. Never in all his years had someone spoken to him like that, especially not a Ningen female! It was embarrassing! It was degrading! He should be furious but he was not. 'For she is the flame and I am but a moth.' he thought to himself ironically as he watched her face intently wondering what outrageous thing would spill from her mouth next.

His parents never really spoke of Ningen to him; except for how they were inferior to youkai. All things Ningen that spilled from their mouths were not good or kind! "Filthy Ningen!" "Inferior bugs!" "Pathetic weaklings!" "Unintelligent Ningen baka!" were the words of his parents in reference to Ningen.

Taking his lack of movement as a sign he would not attack, she sheathed her sword. Looking back up she addressed the young lord, "Well it was a pleasure I'm sure, but I must be going. There is much to be done and soon." With those words she took her leave of him and he watched as she walked into the forest soon disappearing from his sight. He had no idea why he let her go, why he did not just kill her 'It would make things a lot simpler.' he thought as she walked deeper into the forest.

They had met this way many times, he would sense her power and come to 'investigate' or so he called it. With each meeting they talked more starting out slowly. They spoke about her village, her family, his home and family.

On one particular day he had come home after meeting with her again, his sire had approached him.

"Sesshomaru there are things we must speak about." his father had said while motioning for the boy to sit.

"Yes father." he replied while taking the seat his father motioned toward.

"This Ningen fascination you have developed must stop!" his father said sternly while gauging his sons reaction to his order. "You are youkai and a Lord at that; you can not be associated with something so low as ningen. You can not be allowed to sire a hanyou child, so quit seeing her before such a thing could arise." he said in finality that left no room to be questioned or denied.

Sesshomaru looked at his father; he did not understand the problem with befriending a human. Even as he thought this somewhere in the back of his head a small voice voiced its opinion, 'You do not want to give her up.' the treacherous voice thought with truthfulness. He did not want to give her up, not for his father nor for anyone else. He was falling in love with the fiery women. No, he was not falling, he was in love with her. "Yes father." he answered submissively while he planned in his mind.

They will not force him to leave his Koishii, he would not! They would runaway together if need be but she will be his mate. His mind was made up, he did not care for his father's lands he would leave and never look back.

*~~~~*

Later that night Sesshomaru snuck out of the palace to meet his mate to be.

"Sesshomaru?" she whispered into the clearing hoping that he could hear her.

The tall white pristine form of Sesshomaru came walking out of the tree line towards his Koishii "Koi." he spoke softly as he embraced her then he captured her lips in a chaste kiss. "We don't have much time to talk." he spoke to her in a serous tone.

"What is it Sesshomaru?" she asked nervously she knew it was going to be bad news. Looking up at him from her place in his arms she awaited his reply.

"My father, he wants me to stop seeing you. I will not! I love you, will you leave with me? Leave this place behind and start our life together as ... mates." he asked looking into her widening and tearing eyes.

"Sesshomaru" she whispered at a loss for words. After a short pause, "You would do that for me? Leave your lands and your title behind, for me?" she asked him, not out of curiosity it was out of necessity she needed to know.

He looked at his onna who had come to mean the world to him. "Yes I would, that and much more. I could never love another. Koi would you be my mate and leave with me?" he asked one more time.

"Oh Sesshomaru, I love you too but I don't know. I could not let you give up everything for me. What if you resent the choice you made to leave everything? Your people need you! You would be a great ruler someday Sesshomaru. I would love nothing more than to be with you for the rest of my mortal days but I cannot allow you to give up everything for me Sesshomaru... I love you too much to do that to you." she said softly tears brimming her eyes, she really did love him and that was why she would feel horrible if he gave up everything for her.

"Koi, I will not be giving up anything I actually care about! Come with me, be with me. "He told her honesty shinning in his eyes.

The hope and love she heard in his voice was all she could take. "Yes Sesshomaru I will mate you, my love." she replied while he brought her in for a passionate kiss.

That night they had mated, made plans to leave tomorrow when his father sent him on patrol. He was never happier in his life as he was at that moment, holding his mate in his arms after a night of passionate love making. This was something he could get used to. A soft happy smile graced his features and he knew it was the first of many to come because his mate made him happy.

*~~~~~~~*

The Kami held high hopes for the onna, they wished for her to be the glue that joined the races together in harmony. But not even the kami can change destiny once it had already set into motion. The reason for this was simple and could be rounded down to two words: Free Will. It was a gift to the Ningen race and the miko they birthed was no different, she had free will.

The Kami knew she would need to fall in love with a youkai to build the bridge connecting the races in peace. However they could not pick which youkai she would fall in love with, this was their first mistake. The moment they fell in love she was doomed!

*~~~~~~~~~~~~~*

When Sesshomaru arrived the next night to leave with his mate she was not there. He had never seen her again. He swore that night after waiting all night long that he would never love again. She had said she loved him but she left him to be forever alone. He was heartbroken, never in his life had anything hurt so much. He felt like she ripped his heart right out of his chest. And that was the birth of Sesshomaru's hate for humans. He had not spoke nor heard from her since the night they mated.

:: Flashback End::

Coming out of his walk down memory lane he thought of the name that used to bring so much pain, 'Her name was Mitsukai (angel), my Mitsukai. She was ningen miko and the most powerful the world had seen in the last 600 or so years. My Mitsukai was a warrior at heart and could warm a heart with a smile. She was radiant; she was perfect for me as I was for her.' Their meeting may not have been the best and he had at one time wished he had never met her.

Now centuries later he found that she did not abandon him, she was killed by his father and his men! His father stole the life of the only being he loved, then allowed him to live in the belief that she left of her own volition, not murdered for loving him. 'She screamed my name as she was killed.' he thought sadly while trying to keep the image from forming in his mind. 'Her last words were words of her love for me.' he thought while his chest ached painfully from the tightness.

"Mitsukai." he whispered to no one in particular while looking out of the study window.

No one knew he had ever been in love except his father. No one knew why when no one was looking at him his eyes seemed so sad.

Then again no one cared enough to find out.