I love it I love it I apsolutely love it

It's a good start...

Next time try adding more story around the song. What you ultimately lacked was atmosphere.

A one-shot, especially a song fic one-shot, is based primarily around emotion - which turns the song into a sort of explanitory essence.

The goal is to create a scene based solely on emotion, build physical motion around it, and spread a song sparsely throughout it to walk the reader through the emotional rollercoaster.

You have a very nice idea, and you did portray it well. Just, add the atmosphere next time.

Else, this was an excellent one-shot.

Mata, ne

great one-shot!! kinda short... I almost thought that he was going to leave her!!!!

Ja!

Silk_worm