Means of Intoxication by My Eternal Misery

Chapter One

Author's Note This story is more relevant to my own life than you know. The Attic and Basement do exist. Like Kagome in this story I got caught up in both. Most of this is based on what I went through. I hope it's as enjoyable to read as it has been to write.

Chapter One

Ever since I was a young, meek girl my elders would tell me "Stop looking down at your feet, Kagome."

I suppose it was an awkward habit of mine at that age. Now I don't look down at my feet. If I feel nervous or uncomfortable I look up instead. I study the ceiling or sky above me. It's different but seems to go unnoticed. No one yet has told me not to look up. Since then I have also gained social skills. When I attended elementary school I was shy and insecure. The girls would laugh and whisper amongst each other and even if they weren't acknowledging me at all, which I'm sure most of the time they weren't, I would be convinced that they were. I was self-conscious to say the least and I still am. I just hide it better nowadays.

As I got older I got learned how to adapt to what is considered 'normal behavior'. At least enough to get by.

Attending high school I made a few friends, if you could even call them that. Actually I guess 'acquaintances' is a better word. I would see them in the hallway or at lunch, smile or say hello and continue walking. I would have the occasional conversation. Small talk really. I never truly belonged to a circle of friends, nor could I say I ever had a 'best friend' although I was always curious to see if it was as endearing as it looked from where I stood. I would see girls walking the halls of my school, arms linked, smiles plastered on their faces, matching necklaces that indicated they were each other's favorite of all their other friends.

The closest I ever had to a best friend was a girl named Sango. Sango lived downstairs from me for 2 years of my life before my family moved into the shrine. I was young then but I remember those days with ease. I would sneak into her apartment when my mother was out and we'd play dress up, and laugh, and make popcorn and do each others' hair and makeup. That was the closest to having a best friend I'd ever gotten.

My life consisted of empty smiles and perfunctory living before I was reunited with that very girl.

I was sitting in a Starbucks, sipping my coffee and reading a very touching book of poems. Back then I was my own best company. Reading brought me to my euphoria and, in all honesty, hadn't I ever learned of the world outside of reading, I would have been content doing just that--reading until the day I die.

"Kagome." her voice had obviously changed and was unfamiliar. I glanced up and still wasn't sure of who she was. It had been years since I had seen her last. She came and sat in the booth, across from me, uninvited and released something of an excited giggle. That is when I recognized her. The bell-like laugh reminded me of those days that I had so often looked back on and missed. I didn't realize it but I must have been smiling too because her smile widened. I felt a certain warmth to know that she was just as excited to see me as I was to see her.

"Sango, is that really you?" I placed my book down, losing all interest in poetry at that moment.

She nodded enthusiastically. "It's been so long." she beamed, "I knew it was you though. Even nowadays you have your nose burried in a book any chance you get? I thought that people grow out of reading."

"Are you kidding?" I asked with slight intimidation in my tone.

"Yes." she laughed again, that bell-like laugh that always makes me want to laugh along. So I did.

"So what do you do nowadays?" I asked with sincere curiosity, "What are you doing in this area?"

"Well actually," Sango began, "My boyfriend--"

"I"m Miroku." She was interrupted by a firm voice, but it was soft and charming as well. My eyes traveled to the source. A very tall, very handsome boy was standing directly behind the booth in which Sango was sitting. He leaned over the table and extended a hand to me, "I'm Sango's boyfriend."

"I was going to introduce you." Sango bit out, "You couldn't have waited?"

I was in a dumb state as I accepted Miroku's handshake, which was both firm and gentle, just like his voice and his appearance. I was actually quite surprised that Sango had such a striking boyfriend. Not because she was lacking in beauty. In fact, as I looked at her, I found myself a bit jealous. She was stunning, but in a casual way. She wore her hair back in a tight ponytail that didn't hide the long, ebony waves that extended down past her waist. Her bangs cascaded over her eyes but didn't hide the vibrant, chestnut orbs. She looked very stylish as well, wearing a pink halter top and a long green skirt that clung to her hips and then draped loosely over her knees. I suppose, as I looked at her, I could see why guys would have interest in her. I suppose I would have too if I were, in fact, a lesbian or a teenage boy. But to have such an attractive boyfriend seemed to be quite an accomplishment for any girl our age. He seemed much older, possibly in his twenties. At that point I hadn't even so much as been on a date.

"I'm sorry, dear." Miroku said lovingly to Sango as he placed his hands on either of her shoulders and began massaging tenderly, "I couldn't help but introduce myself to such an attractive young woman. I felt obligated."

Sango rolled her eyes but seemed to relax into the massage and managed a smile at me. "My boyfriend drives." she explained, "One of our friends lives near here so we come by and visit him a lot. We were gonna grab him a coffee before we went by his house seeing as though he's kind of been down."

"Why?" I asked rudely. I tend to ask the wrong questions and dig myself into awkward situations. This could have resulted like that but it didn't.

"He's recently experienced something of a bad break up." Miroku explained shamelessly.

"With a girl?" I asked dumbly.

"Well if it was with a guy," Miroku slyly joked, "I more than likely wouldn't be his friend." I was appalled by the remark but for some reason I found myself laughing with him. I suppose it was that boyish charm of his. Sango stayed quiet and I could see annoyance burning in her eyes once more.

"Kagome, you know, you should come with us." she interrupted our laughter.

"Yes, that would be great." Miroku pitched in, "The more, the merrier!"

"Oh, I couldn't!" I exclaimed feeling suddenly out of place. I had never actually 'hung out' with kids my own age outside of school before. Talking like this was fine, I was used to that... but going somewhere with them? I felt strangely afraid of that. I don't know why and I don't know what I expected to go wrong. Perhaps I was just afraid of being rejected. After a while of being around them maybe I was afraid that they would catch on to my strange quirks and think I'm weird, "I'm kind of... busy."

"No, you're not." Sango urged, "You're reading a book in a coffee shop. That's not busy."

I stammered for another, better excuse but it was too late. Sango had her mind made up. If there was one thing I remembered about Sango, that was it. When she wanted something, she got it. There were times back when she lived downstairs from me that she would call and ask me to come down and play. Had my mother ever caught me associating with the girl downstairs I would have been in severe trouble. We're talking no desert, no television, no phone, no anything--- for weeks. My mother didn't get along with Sango's father very well. He was kind of a hard ass and my mom is very uptight about politeness. Sango's father was the opposite of polite. Well anyways, Sango would call me and I'd explain to her that I couldn't go down that day because my mom might be home early. She would nag me until I finally agreed and if I was stubborn enough not to agree she'd simply come upstairs which was more of a risk. So in the end I'd always end up down in Sango's old bedroom, playing with Barbie dolls and putting on dark makeup until I looked like a clown. Although I got in a lot of trouble quite a few times, I can't say it wasn't worth it. Those were the greatest times of my life.

Just like then, Sango had me by the hand and was practically dragging me out the door. Not even practically---literally. Miroku was tagging along behind us. I glanced back at him to see he was grinning. I suppose he knew Sango to do this often too because he had that 'typical-Sango-behavior' look on his face as he watched her abduct me.

She had me sit in the back while she sat up in the passenger's seat. Miroku got in the drivers seat and turned the car on. A sudden blast of loud music invaded the car and before I knew it we were backing out of the parking lot and heading to an unknown destination. At least it was unknown to me.

I groped the seats desperately searching for my seatbelt which I found and fastened as fast as I could. Miroku drove like I would suspect a typical teenager to drive. Those stupid, informational television commercials may dramatize it somewhat but they have the right idea when they indicate that teenagers are reckless drivers. That's not at all an exaggeration. The car ride was uneventful. I couldn't even speak to Sango or Miroku because the music was heavy and loud. My soft voice was, in no way, going to compete with that.

When we pulled in front of what looked like a cute, comfy home---white with black shutters and exceptionally small-- Miroku shut the music off and asked, "Do you like rock, Kagome?"

"You mean like... The Beatles?" I asked like an idiot. Miroku and Sango laughed.

"Well they are classic." he admitted, "but I was referring to heavy metal and modern rock bands, like, in example, Avenged Sevenfold, Bullet for my Valentine or Still Remains."

I hadn't heard of any of the bands he named but I just shrugged and said in a cool tone, "I like some modern rock."

"That's good." Miroku said as he opened his car door, got out and did the same for me, "I'm in a rock band myself. I doubt you've heard of us yet, but you will." I glanced to Sango to see that she was once again glaring daggers at her boyfriend. I reluctantly stepped out and waited for Miroku to open Sango's door as well, which he did, and then I followed them both up the path that lead to the front door. Sango held the coffee that she had gotten for her mystery friend and knocked twice. A few moments passed before it swung open and my eyes met those of a stunning, almost golden color.

"Who the fuck are you?" the boy spat out. I was paralyzed to the spot I was standing. Hearing such a harsh remark from someone I didn't even know made me immediately regret even coming along.

"Look how flustered you made her, Inuyasha." Miroku said like a parent defending his child, "Now is that any way to introduce yourself to a lovely lady?"

"Shut the hell up." The so called Inuyasha grunted, looking somewhat embarrassed, "I don't even care who she is. Where's my coffee?"

Sango handed it to him. "Inuyasha, this is Kagome." she explained, "She's an old friend of mine and I'd appreciate if you were a little more respectful to her. I understand you're in a bad mood but that's no reason to take it out on everyone around you."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah..." he muttered, turning his back on her and walking into the house. He left the door open so I guess that was invitation inside although I still felt uncomfortable. I followed closely behind Miroku and Sango as we ventured in after him. We walked down a hallway that leads into a very cozy looking living room. There was an olive carpet and matching curtains, a large television set that sat on a mahogany entertainment center and a large, beige sofa. Sango took a seat on it and I followed suit. Miroku followed Inuyasha into another room that I was guessing was the kitchen. I came to find later I was right.

"There's something you should know." Sango told me as we sat there alone. Her tone made me somewhat nervous and I shifted uncomfortably, giving her my full attention, "We're all good friends here." she continued, making direct eye contact, "People around here know this place as 'The Attic'. You might have heard of it. Basically it's a hang out. Us close friends get together just about every night and we stay here, hang out, drink, smoke... we have a good time. I'm going to try to get you in. It shouldn't be that hard since we recently lost a member."

"A member?" I repeated, pretending I didn't hear the comment about 'drinking and smoking' for a moment, "So is this like a club?"

"Kind of." she said reluctantly, "We're all just friends and the attic is where we hang out. It's furnished and really cool. You'll like it up there. If you get on Inuyasha's good side you can come over anytime you want. Would you like that?"

"I... suppose." I muttered. In all honestly that was the last thing I cared about at the time. The place I wanted to be most at that moment was my own home at the shrine.

"Well then count on me to get you in---"

I could feel the presence of someone else entering the room and I immediately sat straight as if I had been caught talking in class or something. Sango did too. She turned and smiled at Miroku. "Is he in a better mood today?" she asked, "Is he still bitching about Kikyo?"

"Why the fuck would I waste my breath on that bitch?" Came the rude boy's voice from behind Miroku. He stepped into the room, his coffee already almost done and crossed his arms, "Hey, girl..."

My eyes immediately turned to him. I wanted to correct him on my name but he began spewing his nonsense before I could say anything. "Just know that you're in MY house which means you go by MY rules and do what I say. Got that?"

I fixed my eyes on him and cleared my throat to speak but ended up saying nothing. Now I was distracted by the way he looked. Sure, Miroku was a looker, but this kid was... rough and cool. There were really no other words that came to mind. He had long, silvery white hair, which was tied back. He wore a white muscle shirt, and trust me, he had a visibly nice body. He was thin but built. The baggy, black pants that clung to his waste were slightly weighed down by chains and buckles. I believe someone in school had once called pants like those 'trip pants', and I could see why. I couldn't imagine trying to walk in pants like that without falling on my face. That's when I realized I was staring. My face immediately heated up when I saw Inuyasha's quirked eyebrow.

"Is this chick autistic or something?" he asked Miroku out loud.

"What's autistic about checking you out, Inuyasha?" Sango asked with a wide grin at me.

"Uh... I wasn't!" I tried saying but, in all honesty, I was. I really was. He was hot, to say the least, but I'd never admit that to him. So far he just seemed like a jerk.

"Whatever." he grumbled.

I noticed his face was reddening as well and it made me feel a little better about mine. A strange silence fell over us and I felt my eyes involuntarily turning upward. I studied the ceiling for about 2 minutes before Sango took my hand and suggested we go up to the attic so I could 'check it out'. I was hesitant but given the opportunity to escape that really awkward social situation, I jumped. This time we left Miroku and Inuyasha. Sango lead me through the kitchen, to a staircase and then up the stairs, through yet another hallway and into a bedroom which I assumed was Inuyasha's. It was small and messy. There was junk covering the entire floor. His bed was unmade and the television was left on. After studying the room I turned back to Sango to see that she was staring at me with something of a smirk.

"What?"

"This is perfect!" she said as if talking to herself, which I think she was.

"It's kind of small." I mumbled.

"Not the room, silly!" Sango corrected me, "I'm talking about you! You're perfect... for him."

"You mean... Inuyasha?" I stared in shock for a moment before saying, "No! No, no, no! You've got the wrong idea! I don't like him at all. He's mean and rude and not my type at all."

"Well what is your type?" she asked me.

I bit my bottom lip and thought for a second. "I... guess... my type is... someone whose nice, and smart, and likes to read. Someone whose funny and quiet at the same time. Someone who makes me happy."

"Kagome." Sango all but rolled her eyes, "That's not a person. That's a robot."

"There are people out there like that." I insisted.

"Are there?" Sango asked and I nodded persistently, "Have you ever had a boyfriend, Kagome?"

I searched my brain for an answer to that question. I knew the real answer--the truth, but I didn't want to say that to her. It was too embarrassing. I wasn't going to lie either. Instead I just stared her in the eye and opened my mouth as though I had an answer stuck in the back of my throat. I watched her face change to shock. She could see right through me and she looked surprised. Was it really that surprising that I've never had a boyfriend? I mean, I wasn't exactly gorgeous or outgoing. Girls like me weren't girlfriend material. At least that's what I thought up until then.

The silence was broken when Inuyasha himself came into the room. "Hey!" he snapped. Sango and I jumped and turned to face him, "Miroku wants to talk to you alone, Sango."

"Alone?" Sango asked, "Why is that?"

Inuyasha shrugged, "How the fuck should I know?"

Sango sighed and headed back. I stood where I was. I didn't move an inch. "Watch your mouth." Sango warned Inuyasha before she was gone.

"Fuck you." I heard him say under his breath. It took a lot not to roll my eyes at his childish behavior. He turned to me then. "What? You just gonna stand there?"

I answered his question with one of my own. "Should I?"

He walked to the bed and collapsed. "I don't care." he snapped, "Do whatever you want." So I stood there. I watched him turn his playstation on. He put a game in that I didn't recognize and connected what looked like a sorry imitation of a guitar. On the screen in big letters came the game title. Guitar Hero, "You ever play?" he asked, glancing at me over his shoulder. I shook my head and he turned back to the game, "You can sit, you know."

So I did.

He started playing and after awhile of watching him I caught on to the whole gist of the game. The objective was to hit the colored buttons in time with the little symbols that came up on what looked like a roller coaster. Watching it was almost addicting. I inched closer to get a better view of how he was playing. It looked really simple and after the first few songs, which I recognized as really good songs, I felt the need to play too. I didn't know how to ask him though, so I sat and watched intently, hoping he'd offer. He did.

"Wanna play?" he asked apathetically. Every word out of his mouth either sounded hostile or apathetic. I nodded and took the guitar from him with ease. I had a little bit of difficulty putting it on right and he helped me with that and showed me how to place my fingers. "You're gonna start off on light." he told me, taking my hand and showing me which buttons to concentrate on, "Those three are the ones you need to worry about most. Got it?"

"Yes." I said. He set the game up for me and finally the screen went black and the music started. When the game began I was unintimidated. I expected it to be easy. I suppose the way he played it made the game look easy but let's just say... it's not.

I failed within the first few seconds. I tried again and lasted maybe 3 seconds longer than the first time. I tried a third, fourth and fifth time before getting frustrated and giving up. I expected Inuyasha to make a wise crack or insult me in some way but he didn't. He simply said, "It takes time to get used to." and with that he took the guitar from me and played some more.

It wasn't too long after that when Sango and Miroku came in the room hand in hand. I thought it must be so nice to have someone you can do that with---someone you can hold hands with and kiss whenever you feel the need to. I wondered secretly to myself what it would be like to kiss a guy like Miroku. He probably had a firm but gentle kiss. If his kisses were anything like his handshakes... I ceased all thought after that. I might not have seen Sango in a very long time but she was still a friend of mine. I shouldn't think of her boyfriend in that way. That's when my thoughts made way to Inuyasha. I imagined that his kisses were hard and demanding. I imagined that he was the type of boy to push a girl against a wall and shove his tongue down her throat. I had yet to know that feeling. I had yet to know what kissing was at all like but I figured that when I did kiss a boy I would kiss gently and with a lot of affection.

I found myself staring again. Luckily Inuyasha was too engrossed in his video game to notice and Sango was too busy sitting with Miroku to make any comments. The room was quiet, but not an awkward kind of quiet. Miroku sat on the chair in the far corner and Sango sat on his lap. They talked softly amongst themselves and I didn't bother listening. They looked happy though. I was sitting on the floor beside Inuyasha's bed, where he sat comfortably, playing this Guitar Hero. I turned my attention to the television and watched Inuyasha play a few more songs. I didn't have to feign interest at all. Guitar Hero is really very hypnotizing.

Inuyasha eventually got sick of it and shut the television off. "Want to head up to the attic?"

Sango and Miroku nodded and I simply sat with a blank expression. I wasn't sure if I wanted to go to an attic or not. Sango made it out to be some great place but for all I knew it could have been a torture chamber.

"Wait, Inuyasha!" came a small voice. I turned and saw a cute little boy making his way into the room, carrying what looked like a heavy backpack on his shoulders. Inuyasha made a face that indicated he was annoyed at seeing this boy. The boy stumbled forward and placed the backpack on the ground, "Look in there!"

"Shippo, what the hell are you doing here?" Inuyasha blurted, "I thought you weren't coming tonight."

The boy smiled innocently. "I wasn't going to." he admitted, "I wanted to bring all of this to another friend's house but turns out he's got plans."

"...and what is this?" Inuyasha asked impatiently as he leaned down and opened the backpack. I got the slightest glimpse of a bottle labeled 'Karkov' before Inuyasha quickly zipped the backpack back up, "How the hell did you get all that?"

"I took it from my dad's bar." The boy, Shippo grinned menacingly.

I may have been something of a prude but I was no idiot. I knew what the kid had in his backpack, and to say the least, I was surprised. Why would a boy who looked no older than 12 drink liquor at all?

"Well there's no point in bringing it here." Miroku interjected, "You know Inuyasha has a refrigerator full of that up in the attic."

"True," the boy said, "but this is all mine. That's what's so great about it!" That's when he looked to me as if I suddenly appeared there before his eyes, "Where did this pretty girl come from?"

I smiled sweetly at the kid and introduced myself, "I'm Kagome. Sango is an old friend of mine."

"It's nice to meet you." Shippo grinned as he ran a hand through his long, red hair that was pulled into a ponytail, much like Inuyasha's, but it wasn't nearly as long so it kind of poofed out in back in a cute way.

"You too." I smiled back.

"Well now that we all 'know each other'," Inuyasha mocked our polite tones, "let's head up to the attic.'

I got to my feet and waited to be lead elsewhere. Sango and Miroku stayed seated. I figured they were going to stick behind so they could have a bit of privacy. I suppose I would want privacy if I had a boyfriend as well. Inuyasha went to the center of the room and pulled a staircase down from the ceiling. He went up first, then Shippo, then me. When I entered, I have to admit, I was really impressed. The lighting, the furniture, the whole set up in general was just... really cool. There were two sofas on either side of a long coffee table in the center of the attic. On the vertical sides of the coffee table there was a bean bag chair and a folding chair. The rug was zebra print and there was a tall lamp with a red shade causing the light to give off a kind of reddish hue. There was a refrigerator, as Miroku had mentioned, in the far corner along with an ice box and another television set. In the other corner there was a pool table and a few pool sticks hung up on the wall beside it. I stared in awe. "You must be rich?"

"Yeah, I guess I am." Inuyasha answered the question.

"How do you have all this?" I asked before a better question came to mind, "Where are your parents?"

I saw a flash of something in his eyes. Something I couldn't quite define. He held eye contact for a second longer before blurting angrily, "What's with all the stupid questions, wench?"

I would have remarked with something equally as insulting if I hadn't felt somewhat guilty for asking. I really needed to work on keeping my curiosity contained sometimes. Without saying anything else I walked forward and took a seat on the couch beside Shippo. He looked terribly sad and I guessed it was also due to my dumb question. I watched the kid as he reached into his backpack and pulled out a tall bottle of something called 'Apple Smirnoff' and the 'Karkov' bottle I saw before. Further investigation of the label brought me to the conclusion that it was some kind of vodka.

"Do you want some?" Shippo asked me. I shook my head immediately.

"No thank you."

"Don't you drink?" I heard Sango ask as she came up the stairs. Inuyasha had sprawled himself on the vacant couch so Sango and Miroku had to sit on the couch with Shippo and I, which I found somewhat awkward.

"No. I never have." I admitted to Sango.

"You haven't?" she asked, a dark look in her eyes, "Oh god, you have to!"

"Sango..." Miroku scolded.

"Don't worry about it, Miroku." she assured her boyfriend, "I'm not going to push her into anything she doesn't want to do."

I felt a little awkward then too. I looked up and saw that there was an actual window on the roof. Yeah... on the roof!

"Hey, girl!" I heard Inuyasha address me. He was sitting up now and reaching over the coffee table with a full shot glass in his hand. "Try it."

I shook my head again. "No. I have a weak stomach." I explained quickly, "I'll probably just puke."

I turned to Sango for back up but saw that she was too busy with her own shot. She tilted her head back and just as quickly as she had brought the glass to her lips she placed it down on the coffee table, empty. Miroku did the same. 'Great!' I remember thinking to myself at that point, 'So now everyone is drinking and I'm gonna sit here and be completely out of place.' When I looked back at Inuyasha he was drinking the shot he had originally offered me. I sunk back into the comfort of the sofa and watched. Even the Shippo kid was downing shots. God, I must have looked like an idiot. Surprisingly though, after saying no, the pressure was off me. They didn't push it anymore. In fact after they each had a few shots everything got a lot more laid back... and I mean a lot.

Inuyasha started slurring his words a lot which made it hard to understand him as he told me all about his sword collection. I had never seen a guy act so excited talking about anything before. It made me kind of laugh. Sango and Miroku were flirting a lot louder than they had been before they drank. They kept kissing and laughing which was kind of strange but fun to watch. Shippo had put a CD in and was dancing to it in a really silly kind of way. That made me laugh too. It looked... really fun. I felt like I was missing out. I stared down the bottle of Karkov Vodka. It stared back at me. It dared me. I couldn't resist. I picked the bottle up and poured the liquid into one of the shot glasses until it reached the top.

"Go, Kagome!!" Sango cheered me on, having noticed what I did. Inuyasha stopped talking and stared intently. Miroku looked almost concerned. Shippo continued to dance.

"Kagome." Miroku interrupted, "Ah you sure you wan'do that?" I laughed at the way he slurred his words together and nodded my head in all confidence. I was curious. What was wrong with feeding curiosity? It's not like it would become a habit or anything...

I kept my hand on the shot glass and without a second thought I repeated what I saw everyone else do. I brought it to my lips, tilted my head back, thoughtlessly drank it and slammed the now empty shot glass down. Sango, Miroku and Shippo cheered and I felt, for once, like part of a group, and I was happy. That is... before the burning started up. The liquid burned a path down my throat and I could feel it hit my stomach. Hard. I felt a sudden urge to throw up but I didn't. I steadied myself and let the burning sensation subside. When it finally did I smiled and poured another shot.

'That wasn't so bad.'