Second Thoughts by *A-Kay*

Second Thoughts

Kagome sat in the bedroom looking down at her hands. They were trembling. She was nervous. Her eyes began to water as she glared at the ring on her left hand. I can't do this. she thought as she looked up in the direction of the window. I just can't.. She could hear a door opening and she looked over her shoulder. There he stood. Looking as stoic as ever, but with a smile in his eyes. Giving him a small, sad smile she stood up and put her hands behind her back trying to hide the trembling, fumbling fingers that refused to listen to her brain's command to stop. "Hey."

He looked at her and walked up closer to her. "Nervous?"

Although his voice sounded bored and uncaring she knew better. It was only two days before their wedding and she couldn't help, but think that they were rushing it. She began to feel sick and weak and afraid. What does he really know about me? she wondered as she nodded to his question. "I guess I am... a little." A lot! her mind supplied and she mentally screamed for it to shut up.

Placing his hand gently against her cheek he rubbed soothing circles against the pale flesh. "Don't. You'll be beautiful."

He doesn't know me at all. she wanted to cry out, but she refrained opting to lean into his touch instead. She looked up at him and he leaned in to kiss her lips. Once they met she closed her eyes before pulling away. "You should get out of here. Your father would be upset if you're late."

He smirked and kissed her again before leaving the bedroom they shared. She walked to the window and watched as he exited the house and got into his car. He looked up and she smiled at him before waving goodbye. He pulled out of the yard and she sighed.

"He still doesn't know eh?" a voice questioned startling her as she turned around to see Inuyasha standing in the doorway.

"What are you talking about?" she asked as she walked past him.

"You know what I'm talking about?" he said as he followed her downstairs. She went into the kitchen and fixed herself a cup of coffee.

She looked at him, straight in the eye, wishing for once that some higher power would grant her the power to melt that cocky little smirk off his face or at least for them to do it for her. "Why are you here Inuyasha? Sesshomaru just left."

"I know that." he answered. "I've come to see the bride and congratulate her for a job well done."

"You're talking stupid." she said rolling her eyes and walking away from him again.

He laughed and followed her again. He began to wonder how long she would keep this up. "Am I?" She turned around only to find herself nose to nose with Inuyasha. He pinned her eyes with his. "Am I Kagome?"

She suddenly felt the urge to throw the rest of her coffee in his face. Maybe that will do the trick. Trick. her eyes looked to the wall where a picture of Sesshomaru and herself rested. Hanging mighty and proud. Looking back at Inuyasha she frowned. "Why don't you stay out of it. You're turning nothing into something."

Inuyasha smiled and turned around. "I guess you won't be satisfied until you ruin him. It's quite sad if you ask me. The first time he allows himself to fall in love," looking over his shoulder he observed the way her eyes held defiance and a little bit of guilt. "... only to have it all be a lie."

"That's not true." she whispered.

"Isn't it?" Inuyasha wondered. "I think he'll think otherwise. You will be figured out Kagome and it won't be pretty. With me, you're messing with knives. I can only cut so deep with my words. WIth him, you're fucking with fire and you'll get burned. Badly. See ya around dear sister." he said as he walked out of the house.

Kagome threw her coffee mug at the door as it closed shattering the glass as coffee splattered all over the door and a little on the wall. I can't do this. I really can't do this to him. He deserves better. Running upstairs she grabbed a large suitcase and grabbed every article of clothing that she bought with her own money and put it in the case. Going into the bathroom she grabbed her toothbrush, toothpaste, and other neccesities that she needed as she rushed back into the bedroom and dropped them into the bag as well. Deciding she had all of her item she grabbed the luggage and ran down the stairs. She saw two servants cleaning up the mess at the front door. Making a detour she decided to go out the garage. Pulling her keys out her purse she took the key for the house off of the ring and sat it on the counter in the kitchen before going out to the garage. As she made her way to the garage she kept telling herself things. Trying to make herself believe that if he was to find out the truth about her. He would forgive her. Still want her. Still love her.

Yeah, right. Like he would ever do that. He'll probably be the first to light his torch and sharpen his spear. Probably wouldn't be able to wait to cast the first stone. she informed herself of the harsh truth that had to be said or else her mind would actually believe that he will in fact forgive her.

Stepping into the darkness of the garage she flipped the switch to open the garage door. As the door lifted the dark space was flooded and overwhelmed with sunlight. She walked out and opened the doors to her Mercedes. Putting her suitcase in the trunk she walked back to the front and opened her door reaching for the garage remote for the door on her visor. Taking it off she pressed the button and slid the remote into the space that would be consumed in darkness in a matter of seconds. Turning back to her car she got in, closed the door and pulled out looking at the house in her rear view mirror. Goodbye.

Now she sat in front of a mirror applying her make-up and preparing herself for work tonight. She couldn't just go in looking like a train wreck. Could she? No, idiot. You can't. There's a big client tonight. Remember what Miroku said? Seeing another figure through the mirror she smiled. "What's up Sango." she said not as a question, but as a greeting. Her friend walked over to her and put a hand on her shoulder.

"You ok?" Kagome nodded. "Good. Do your best."

Standing up she hugged her friend as she whispered a thanks. After leaving the house she was to live in with Sesshomaru for the rest of her 'happy' life she went to her best friend Sango's house and was welcomed with open arms. She had received a daily check-up call from Sesshomaru asking her questions like how she was doing, what she was doing, and what time did she had to be to work for.

Kagome put on her best happy voice during that conversation. She even explained to him that she was going to spend some girl time with Sango for the night. Suggesting that the two of them needed a bit of breathing room before the wedding.

"It won't do us any good if by the time the wedding comes we're either ready to kill each other or go through second thoughts during the vows. Let's just take a night to ourselves or with a friend to think about if this is what we really want to do." she had told him.

"Are you having second thoughts?" he asked.

Silence.

Kagome bit her bottom lip before answering. How could she really even think about putting him through the humiliation that he is bound to go through if he indeed marry her. How could she just allow him to suffer through that. She didn't. She couldn't. She wouldn't. But. She didn't want to hurt him either. Either way it went, he was going to get hurt, but at least the option she was leaning towards wouldn't hurt his entire family either. Still, she had to give him an answer right now and it sure as hell wasn't going to be yes. "No, I can't think of anything I want more in the world."

He seemed satisfied with that answer before replying. "I'll see you soon."

She hung up. No goodbye. See you later. None of that was going to escape her lips just yet. It would have seem to final to her.

"I can't believe you're actually doing this." she heard Sango say. "Are you sure he won't just put it behind you guys?"

Kagome shrugged. "I don't know. I'm afraid to find out."

"So what, you think he won't come looking for you? One, you sold his car without his permission. He's going to be looking for it. Two, you still have the ring. Three, he's in love with you Kagome. What makes you think he won't come looking for you?"

Turning away from her friend she spoke softly, "The car was a gift for me, I'm going to give him the ring back, and...and love..." she paused as her eyes began to water up. "Love has nothing to do with this."

"Love has everything to do with this. If you didn't love him you'll happily marry him right now without a care in the world. Why are you sacrificing this good thing for a mistake?"

"A mistake that's still happening." Kagome informed.

"You're making something out of nothing." Sango said.

Something out of nothing. she remembered that's what she told Inuyasha earlier that day. Was she? Before she could think any more on the matter someone burst through the door.

"Show time ladies!" the man yelled with a big grin on his face. Kagome and Sango looked at him and nodded their head in understanding.

Turning back to her friend she frowned, "Look at me Sango. A couple of days away from a wedding that was suppose to be and I'm still making this mistake. Why would he want to forgive me. I could have stopped. I would have stopped. But. I guess I wanted to make my own way for myself. It just... just." she stopped. The wrong way. She nodded to herself with a soft "Yeah." before she walked out of the room.

Sango frowned sadly and followed behind her friend. She felt hopeless and helpless.

The room was dark and she couldn't see anything. She could only hear the voices. She turned around so that her back was to whoever was in the room when a sudden flash of light was on her. She was standing there. Half dressed in a very skimpy, cheesy, and revealing outfit. Part of the job. she thought to herself in her sexy pose. Suddenly she could hear the whistles and hollers of excitement and then it began. The music. The sound of it just calmed her and drowned out everything in the room. It was just her and the music in her mind as she began to sway her hips to the beat. Just get through the night and that's it. You won't ever have to do this again. It will be over. Done. she encouraged herself as she turned around to face the crowd. Still unable to see anyone because of the blinding light. It really wasn't a problem though. She didn't want to see anyone's face for fear she'd recognize someone.

Lifting her left hand and reaching for the silver pole that was in the middle of the stage she gripped it and pulled herself to it before wrapping a leg around it and swinging. She watched as bills of money came fluttering her way. She slid down the pole and crawled to the farthest end of the stage smiling and winking at the men she could barely see. Crawl. Crawl. Wink. Crawl. Crawl. Reveal a little flesh. she coached in her head. She stopped in front of someone and layed on her back as she spread her legs for all curious eyes to see. So for what happened to happen next suprised and scared her to no end when she felt someone grab her leg and pull her off stage.

Finding herself over someone's shoulder she looked up into the dim lit room and saw a familiar face to her horror. Inuyasha? her mind questioned making her panic even more when she noticed the evil smirk on his face.

"Here sit right here." Inuyasha had said. "You're going to love this. I promise. Consider this an unofficial bachelor's party for my big brother."

Glaring at the hanyou, Sesshomaru sat down. He was a bit peeved already. He went home to find Kagome wasn't there. That had upset him, but he called her and they spoke for a little while. From the conversation it seemed as if she was having second thoughts, but brushed it off as nerves. After he changed clothes he decided to take a drive. He was at a red light when he noticed a familiar car on a used car lot. He looked at the plate and narrowed his eyes KagSess1. Turning into the lot he got out and walked in.

"May I help you sir?" a short fat man asked as he came from behind a desk.

"That car. Where'd you get it?" he asked as he pointed at the black mercedes outside.

"Oh that. She's a beauty isn't she. Some lady came in earlier and sold it to me. Said she just wanted a change." the man replied.

"A change?" he asked as he looked out at the car.

"Yeah, I know. Confused me too. She sold me that and bought some cheap piece of crap from the lot. If you ask me I'd say she was running from something, but it's not my place to pry. Why? You interested?" the man smiled.

Sesshomaru looked back at the man. "This woman. What did she look like?

The man looked at him with a finger on his chin. "Um she was about yay high." he said lifting his hand a bit above him indicating she was taller than him. "She had her long black hair put in a braid, brown eyes, and she was wearing this chain with some sort of moon dangling from it if that helps."

"Kagome."

"Yeah, that's her name. That's what her id said. You know her?" the dealer asked.

Sesshomaru narrowed his eyes at the man. "It's not your place to pry. I'll be back for my car. Do NOT sell it." he said as he walked out of the small dealership. Getting in his car he drove to Inuyasha's house.

He got his car back, but was very pissed. Wondering why Kagome would sell his car. What made her even do such a thing? What was she thinking? Inuyasha noticed how angry his brother looked and decided to "cheer" him up by taking him to this club. Pleasure club that is.

"My best friend owns this place. It's cool. Just sit back, relax, and enjoy the show. You don't have to throw any money if you don't want. I know how you're all about Kagome now days. Besides, half these dancers aren't even worth your money." Inuyasha smiled as he sat a couple seats away as two of their other friends sat in between them.

The lights went out and he could see a shadow walk up on the stage. She turned and the lights came on and the music began. He narrowed his eyes. There was something familiar about her. Then she turned around and he was shocked. The man sitting next to him leaned over and whispered. "Hey Sess. Isn't that..."

"Shut up." Sesshomaru growled out before looking over to Inuyasha who looked at him and shrugged. Looking back at the stage he watched as she crawled across the stage showing this and that man things that belonged to him. Then she stopped in front of his two friends and layed back exposing EVERYTHING that belonged to him. He saw red as he stood and pulled her by the leg to him and throwing her over his shoulder. He'd deal with Inuyasha later. He began seeking out an empty room, ignoring the angry yells from the other men who were of course angry with him for stopping the show. He could care less.

"Put me down!" Kagome yelled when she saw the door close.

"What is this? he asked her.

"My job."

"Your job?" he repeated. He didn't like the taste of it. "Why?"

"I needed the money." she answered lamely.

"Lies. You needed nothing." he hissed out.

"Because. I don't have an answer for you Sesshomaru. What do you want me to say?" she looked at him trying to get away. "Let go of me!"

"How many have you slept with?" he glared at her.

She looked at him shocked. "What?"

He growled. "You heard me."

She pushed him. "I can't believe you just asked me that!"

"Much like I can't believe you actually call this a job." he said as he pushed her to the side. She fell to the floor and looked up at him when the door opened. "Kagome? Are you alright?"

Sesshomaru looked at the intruder and snarled at her. "You'd do better worrying for your own saftey. Get lost!"

The woman in the door just looked at her friend on the floor. "Kagome?"

"Sango, just go." Kagome said as she stood back up. "I'm fine." she gave Sango a sad smile and a pleading look and watched as she closed the door. Once it was finally closed Kagome ran up to Sesshomaru and slapped him. "Don't threaten my friend!" then she slapped him again. "And I still can't believe you think that low of me!"

He glared at her and grabbed her by the neck pushing her back against the wall. "How many?"

"Would you rather sniff me to find out?" she bit out. "Even if I told you the truth you still wouldn't believe me."

That was true. He wouldn't. After all why should he. The stench of this place was a turn off and to see her in it, let alone working in it made him even more skeptical to believe her. But still. He wanted to know. Had to know. So he sniffed.

Kagome felt rather uncomfortable while he lowered himself down her body. Any other time she probably would have been aroused, wet and ready for him, but not now. She was being accused of something she know in her heart she'd never be able to do to him. Cheat? What would I get from some other man that I couldn't get ten times better from him? When he came back up he let her go and turned away from her.

She slid down the wall and sat on the floor looking at him. "I'm sorry you had to find out this way. I guess it's best in a way."

He let out a bitter chuckle. "Best. Is that what you think?"

"It's what I know." she said staring at his back. "You now know you can't trust me. And maybe I can't trust you." He turned and looked down at her as if she had lost her mind. She snorted. "We didn't really love each other right?" To say he was shocked was an understatement. Hell, she herself was shocked she said it. "Hurt him. Hurt him to save him." a line from her favorite movie, Moulin Rouge popped into her head and now that was her goal.

"Is that so?" he asked feeling pained all of a sudden.

"Very much so. It was like a game. See how far you can get with the richest, most powerful man in Tokyo. Make him think he's in love with you. It was a self challenge. To see exactly how far I can make a man want me and I guess it worked. But now. Game over. I'm tired of playing. You didn't mean a thing to me. I don't love you. I don't..." she choked mentally on her tears she refused to let fall. You stupid bitch! You lieing bitch! she cursed herself. Beating the hell out of herself in her head You love him. You can't even breathe without him. Tell him that! Tell him that! Stop hurting him and tell him what you really want to tell him!. "I don't want to be your wife. That's the truth." I hope you rot in hell bitch. she told herself as she looked down at the floor.

Sesshomaru stared at her unbelievingly. He kept going on and on in his head telling himself that she was lieing. If he wasn't so proud he probably would have dropped down to his knees and beg her to take her words back, but he wouldn't do such a thing. He would wait for her to stop her foolish rambling and come to her senses. He watched as she stood up and walked towards him. Sliding the ring from her finger she put it in his pocket and leaned upwards to peck him on the cheek followed by a "Good riddance." As she was about to walk out the door he pulled her arm and she found her lips crushed against his.

"I'm not letting you leave." he whispered against her lips kissing her again.

"You have no choice." she answered breathless trying to push away from him.

"You can't make me believe all that you said is true." he added.

"I already did."

"Do it again and look me directly in my eyes. Make me believe it and I'll let you go." he said with desperate eyes.

Kagome looked up at him. She knew she wouldn't be able to say it again. Her heart wouldn't allow her to. She'd probably burst into tears and give in. Pushing away from him she grabbed the door handle and softly said "I won't repeat myself. You heard me the first time." then she was gone.

Sesshomaru stood there staring at the empty space she once had been. Walking out of the room to the main area he walked up to Inuyasha and stared down at him. He wanted to give in to the thoughts playing in his head. Wanted to punch the hanyou right in his face, drown him in his beverage, run him over with his car, kill him. Instead he just leaned over grabbed his things. "Wedding's off. Tell father that." then he left.

Inuyasha was shocked that he was actually still able to walk away with his life. At the sound of the wedding being off he smiled darkly and grabbed his things before leaving as well.

~Four Years Later~

Kagome sat in her car. She had returned. She had her reasons, but she didn't want to think of them. Looking in the back seat she smiled before turning back to the road. The light turned green and she drove through. She had just came from visiting her mother, brother, and Sango and Miroku. All expressing how they missed her so much. Now she was headed to the hard part. Not sure if she really wanted to go through with it. The voice inside her head told her to keep going, but her heart was breaking just thinking about what might happen. Pulling into a familiar yard she wiped the stray tear from her cheek. Getting out of the car she opened the back door and gathered anything precious in her arms and walked up to the door.

%~%~%

Sesshomaru sat at his desk staring off into space. His life was finally getting back on track. He had a new fiancee and he was running the business. All was going well. The doorbell rang and he stayed seated. A few minutes later a servant came to his office. "Mr. Taisho, you have a visitor."

He looked at her, "Who is it?"

The lady shrugged and walked out of the office. Seeing that he wasn't going to get an answer out of her he stood and walked into the foyer of the house. No one was there. Turning his head he saw a figure standing in the living room. "Can I help you?

The person turned around and looked at him. She looked familiar. "Hello, Sesshomaru." she said softly. It was her. She still looked the same only now she cut her hair. It now fell to her chin. She smiled at him and that's when he noticed her holding a child. With black hair and black puppy ears on top its head. It's eyes were the same as his as they stared at him. "Can we talk?"

He suddenly felt his world crumbling again.