Diary by Smittee

The Diary

...

Inuyasha was walking through the backyard. A smile was on his face, thinking about his wife. His name meant dog demon, but he was a mere human. But, he was as loyal as can be to his lovely wife, Kagome. Along his walk, he stopped and gazed upon something underneath the large tree Kagome loved to write under. He came closer to the item, revealing it to be a book. He knelt down, picking it up.

As he opened it up, he began reading the writing inside it. His eyes widened, finding it to be Kagome's diary. He sat down, not able to help himself, and read what was on her mind. After all, she seemed to always be content in her life with him. As he read on he found that it was about him.

"I've married a man, who seems to be right for me. He's kind and caring. He loves me with all his heart. But, something keeps me from loving him. I'm in love with another. The love of my life. But I won't go to him. I will stay, and be the wife anyone would love. I will nurture my husband, Inuyasha, and hope I can please him. I will forget how much I love his brother, Sesshomaru."

Inuyasha's eyes widened and he stopped reading. 'I...never knew. She never showed off any sadness, or want of another. She...only showed happiness. Even her eyes shown with rays of light.' He began to read more.

"Anyways, I shouldn't be so silly. I am married to a good man. I shouldn't stay with the past. After all, Inuyasha is the one who asked for my hand, and seemed to truly love me."

Inuyasha sighed, thinking maybe this was just something that doesn't bother her anymore. That is, until he read more of her diary.

"I cannot seem to forget about him. My heart yearns to be his wife. But, I will not allow it to be not loyal. I will always be a good wife to Inuyasha. He loves me, and he makes me happy. But, the more I think about Sesshomaru, I know how happy I could be. But I shouldn't think like that. I married Inuyasha, even though in love with another. But, he wouldn't want to be with me. He wouldn't want to be with anyone. He's the loner type anyway. How could I think about him?"

'She...doesn't love me.' Tears slowly poured from his eyes, and he put the book down. His arm rubbed across his face, his sleeve getting all wet. "All this time, she didn't love me. She married me, thinking she couldn't be with the one she loved. She stays loyal to me, even though she loves another. She's been so kind to me, even though she hid sadness behind her eyes." His tears began to join the one upon the page. The ones that dried and disappeared over time.

He stayed there for a while, sitting under that tree, tears flowing down. Finally he smiled and said," All this from reading her diary. The love she waited for was someone else...not me. She never showed it." Her images began to flood his mind, how she seemed to always be happy. She would run up to him, a smile on her face, and ask him how his day at work was. She would receive his kiss, and never step away. She always had a twinkle in her eye. 'Could that be the sadness in her expression showing though such a lovely expression?'

...

Inuyasha finally got up, and headed back to his house and wife, all still running through his head. He wondered if he should speak with her about it. He stopped near the door, hearing crying. He listened closely inside. It was his Kagome.

"I'm a horrible wife. I should just forget. But, if hurts to try."

A tightening came into Inuyasha heart again. He couldn't stand to know he took away her love. He loved her so much; he hated knowing he couldn't please her. 'If I have never found out, she would have kept this up. She would spend the rest of her life, crying alone. She would make me happy, but she herself wouldn't be. I can't do this to her. I married her to make her happy. If the only way she will be happy, is with someone else not me, then I will...'

He opened the door, hearing her crying silence. He entered the living room, seeing her wipe her tears off with her dress.

"I'm sorry, dear. I was just cutting onions earlier and-Inuyasha?"

He walked over to her, placing his hands on her shoulders. His look was sad, and his voice rough from crying. "I know it wasn't onions." He wrapped his arms around her, holding her close to him. "I'm sorry, Kagome. I didn't know. I didn't know."

Kagome was confused a bit, at first. But, as she felt his tears fall upon her back, she understood. "So, you know my secret." Tears began to fall from her once more. "I should be the one who's sorry. I hoped that making you happy, pleasing you....I thought it would bring me happiness. But, it only makes me think of him more. I know I should have told you."

"Kagome, if you didn't love me, you shouldn't have married me. I know you wanted me to make me happy, but you shouldn't have been against your heart." He pulled away to wipe the tears from her eyes. "I only want you to be happy, my love," he smiled weakly," And, I'm sure you'll realize I'm making the right choice. If you are in love with my brother, you should tell him so. I will give you away, so that you can be with him."

"Inuyasha...," was all she could say. They were a mixture of emotions in her eyes. She didn't know if she should be happy or not. She felt her heart pound, and then begin to hurt again. She would be able to find out how Sesshomaru felt, but she would be hurting Inuyasha in the process.

"Kagome, don't try and protest. I only want your happiness. And, if it is with another man, then I will give to him my wife."

Kagome and Inuyasha stood in silence for a while, unknown what to say or do. Til finally Kagome reacted. She wrapped her arms around him. She was still crying. "Inuyasha...Thank you. I want you to know though, that you have been good to me. I'm sure there is someone out there for you, who isn't in love with another. Another that you will fall in love with, and visa versa. I'm sorry that it just couldn't be me. And, I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

"It's all right. You only wished to make me happy." Inuyasha lifted her chin, giving her a kiss on her forehead. "Go ahead. I'll go to the court, and get the divorce papers. You just go ahead and pack."

Kagome slowly nodded and pulled away. She then headed for their bedroom, getting ready to pack. Tears still fell heavily from his eyes. His heart was twisted in the pain of losing her. But, at the same time, he knew he'd be making her happy. And, with knowing that, it helped take off from the sadness a bit. He then walked to the front door, taking his coat off the rack. He walked out the door, and headed off to town, in his car.

He parked on the side of the road, and headed into the courthouse. He walked over to the papers section. And there he found those papers that almost made him cry. He had finally gotten over the crying stage, and wished not to do so in public. He grabbed up the papers, staring close at them. He couldn't move. He didn't want to lose his wife but, he knows that she won't be happy being with him. So he started heading out.

He got back in his car and then headed right back home.

...

Kagome wasn't finished packing. She sat on their bed and thought about all their happy times. Even though she loved Sesshomaru, she couldn't help but enjoy the time they had together. Her tears had finally stopped, and happiness began to flow. Her heart was fluttering. She knew not what she'd say. That is, when she would confront Sesshomaru again.

She then heard her husband pull up. She got up and went into the living room for him. He entered inside, holding in hand the papers. He then asked if she would join him, in the dining room once more. Kaogme followed him in there. She sat on the other side of him. He began signing his part, his eyes looking dull. She couldn't stand the look that she made for him. But then, he passed the papers to her, and gave her the pen. "All you have to do is sign away."

Kagome looked upon his face, seeing it brighten a bit. She thought to herself,' Does my face make him smile so? But I'm leaving him. Shouldn't he be upset?"

Inuyasha saw her face, seeing her happiness. She had never looked at him that way, and knew who she thought of. It made him happy, knowing that she was happy.

Kagome began signing the papers. When she had finished, they sat there silently. All they had to do now was get a lawyer to see them, and make them official. Inuyasha told her to go finish packing. Kagome nodded, leaving to their, soon to be just his, room once more. Inuyasha got up and headed to the phone, and called up and apartment agency. He asked them to get her their best room. He wanted her to at least have a place to stay until she was with the one she waited for.

...

This all I write for this chapter. The longer I type, the sadder I get for Inuyasha. Wouldn't you know it? She wouldn't show it. This song is so beautiful, and yet so very sad. I hope you've enjoyed the first chapter.