The Matchmakers by The Happy Hentai

I Get So Breathless

This is dedicated to Sesshoumarucrazy and you know why.

A/N: I don't own any of the songs.

Dutty Wine is by Tony Matterhorn. Breathless is by Corinne Bailey Rae.

"Can you just do this for me?"

"No."

"Please, Kagome? No one else in the group sings like you." The sounds of someone warbling through "Wishing On A Star" on the stage in front of them adding credence to her statement.

"No!"

"Kagooome?" Glistening puppy dog eyes accompanying a trembling lip were put into play. "Pretty, pretty pleeeease? For me?"

"Hah! That won't work on me! What part of that "no" didn't you get? The "N", the "O", the space in between, or the exclamation point at the end? I didn't come here to sing. I came to wind down and laugh at the rest of you. There's nothing quite like your friends butchering songs in public. The best cure for a crappy day, I say."

"There's no one but you. I have no other-"

"Try Ayame. She can carry a note."

"Come on! While it's true that Ayame can carry a note, that's all she can carry....... a note. One that sounds like a cat in heat trying to fight her way out of a bag! You didn't hear that from me though!"

"Too late, chick! Ahhh, the perks of demon hearing." A pair of auburn eyebrows go up, scary face comes into play.

"Ayame! Heh heh. I didn't see you come in. Just joking, really." 'Whimper'

"Whatever, Sango! Do I need to bring up four coconut margaritas, three shots of Jose Cuervo and a certain "Dutty Wine" contest?" Ayame's fingers went up for the quotations.

"You wouldn't!"

"Oh yeah, I remember that one. Oh Sango I didn't think you even knew how to-"

"Shut up, already You have no proof That was just a figment of your imaginations."

"Is that so? Do you believe that my camcorder had the same damn hallucination?"

"Nooooo, please tell me-"

"The whole bloody thing. Didn't I tell you?"

"No, you didn't." Sango was turning an alarming shade of red.

"Don't look at me like that! You have nothing to be ashamed of. I mean you earned that trophy, girl! I didn't know you could move like that I was very impressed."

"I was too! Especially when you got on the floor when he said, "Fuckin' on de wahtah, fuckin' on de sea, fuckin' on de bushes and fuckin' on de tree-" Kagome and Ayame started bopping back and forth.

"If ya fuck pon de bed ya not fuckin' me- Breathe, Sango, breathe! Woah, that's an amazing shade of purple you've achieved! Head between your knees!"

"What's the matter with her?"

"The infamous "Dutty Wine" contest."

"Ohhhhh." Kikyo nodded her head sagely. "The playback was almost as good as the live version. Tell me, where did you learn to dance like that anyway?"

"Ack!"

THUMP!

*******************************************************

"Why are we here again?" Sesshoumaru took a swig of his Guinness Stout.

"To appreciate music in it's raw form, have a few drinks, and wind down after a long day at the office." Miroku gestured flagrantly with his beer bottle.

Seven sets of eyes rolled, six physically and one mentally.

"You are so full of shit, Miroku! More like to watch titties, grope asses and compromise women. Not to mention accost some poor women with that played out line." Inuyasha smirked.

Seven heads nodded while one shook fervently.

"Oh you wound me." An innocent look followed by a hand to the chest. The other held out in supplication. "You speak of me as if I'm a lecher or something." Eye rolling and snorts abound. "I merely have an appreciation of beautiful women and the features they have been blessed with. Besides, it's not my fault that my hand is cursed."

Kouga raised his eyebrow. "Yeah right. If that was the case you would be fondling everyone not just the shapely bottoms of attractive women." He gave all around the table a dark look. "Not even we would be safe."

Growls filled the air. Miroku sweatdropped. "Come on guys, don't be like that."

"Fine then. Just admit it and we'll leave you alone." Inuyasha grinned evilly.

"Admit what?" His violet eyes were wide with apprehension.

"Admit that you are a lecherous asshole with the world's worst and not to mention lamest pickup line ever."

Snickers filled the air.

"I'll have you know that it is my earnest desire-"

"To get into as many pairs of panties as you can. Yes, yes, we understand." Heads nodded. "Back to the situation at hand." His eyes gleamed. " I'm waiting......"

Miroku looked around the table at the men staring at him. Kouga and Inuyasha were in a rare state of agreement and were shaking with mirth. Bankotsu was shaking his head with a smile on his face. Hiten was chuckling. Hakkaku and Ginta were chortling into their hands, their eyes watering. Sesshoumaru's face was bland but his eyes were alight with amusement.

'Ah well, might as well go for the gold..'

Miroku sighed deeply. "Okay, okay, I might as well come clean." His eyes became hooded. "Inuyasha, you have one of the tightest asses I've ever seen and I've been fighting myself for a long time-" He leaned closer to Inuyasha who was in the next seat.

Inuyasha's eyes widened and he yelped as he hopped into Kouga's lap. The table erupted into loud masculine laughter.

"You know you're a real sick fuck Miroku!"

*******************************************************

As Kagome walked to the stage she shook her head. That damn Sango She had to go and faint and now Kagome had to do the stupid song 'Arrgh ' She huffed. Oh well, at least she appreciated the song she was going to sing.

Kagome was last in line, dragging her feet. Kikyo, Eri and Ayame were almost to the stage. Kanna had showed up and was tending to Sango. They stood in front of their mikes and waited for the music to start.

********************************************************

"Ooh look! It's Two Tons of Fun!** Kami, has any of them even heard of the word diet?"

"Now, now, Kaguya don't be so cruel. Of course they have! Don't you see the redhead?" Laughter filled the air. "There's no way that's her real color!"

Sesshoumaru's ear twitched as he processed the comments. He glanced out the corner of his eye and checked out the table not too far from him.

"Hn"

He wasn't too surprised by what he saw. The five brunettes were very familiar to him. Kaguya, Kagura, Yuka, Ayumi and Yura also known as The BPs or Brat Pack were sending jeers toward the stage. They were notorious because they were rich, bitchy and not afraid flaunt both. He blocked out the rest of their conversation.

"Oh my, my, my. I know that ass. Fellas, y'all are in for a treat." Miroku pointed to a female in a white shirt and black skirt that was heading towards the stage.

All eyes shifted to him. "What do you mean you know that ass?" Bankotsu sounded skeptical. "How could you know a female by her ass in this lighting?" Heads nodded in agreement.

"You doubt me? Fifty bucks on the table I can identify that woman. Any takers?" His violet eyes gleamed as they made contact with each of theirs.

"Quickly, quickly before she gets there." He rapped on the table with his knuckles.

"You're on." Bankotsu tapped the table. The other men followed suit.

"That's Kagome Higurashi." All eyes shifted to the female form that had reached the stage. She walked up to the center mike and waited for her cue, smiling sweetly at the crowd.

"Higurashi, I thought you weren't singing tonight?" The announcer sounded pleased nonetheless.

"I'm taking Sango's place." Her voice was a sweet mezzo-soprano that had a bit of rasp to it.

"Oh alright. Well, ladies and gents you're in for a real treat tonight. Help me welcome Misses Kagome, Kikyo, Eri and Ayame!"

Clapping and whistles filled the air as regulars showed their appreciation.

"Shit! How the hell did you do that?" Bankotsu looked at him with a new appreciation. "You saw her when she passed by, didn't you?"

The music started.

"No. Shh! I'll tell you when she's finished." Miroku flapped his hands and frowned at him.

"Geez! What's his problem?"

"Shh!"

The women swayed from side to side to the beat.

Kagome grabbed the mike.

********************************************************

** ( ) - Kikyo, Eri and Ayame, [ ] - Kikyo. All are sung simultaneously.

********************************************************

Seems like everyone else has a love just for them

I don't mind we have such a good time my best friend

but sometimes well I wish we could be more than friends

Tell me do you know

Tell me do you know

I get so breathless when you call my name

(aahh aahh aahh aahh)

I often wondered do you feel the same

(aahh aahh aahh aahh)

There's a chemistry, energy, a synchronicity

(aahh aahh)

When we're all alone

(aahh aahh)

So don't tell me

You can't see

What I'm thinking of

I can understand that you don't want to cross the line

And you know I can't promise you things will turn out fine

[And you know I can't promise you things will turn out fine]

But I have to be honest I want you to be mine

[Honest I want you to be mine]

Tell me do you know

Tell me do you know [know]

I get so breath-less when you call my name

(aahh aahh aahh aahh)

I often wondered do you feel the same

(aahh aahh ah ah ah)

There's a chemistry, energy, a synchronicity

(aahh aahh)

When we're all alone

(aahh aah aahh)

So don't tell me

[Don't you tell me]

You can't see

Oh

'Cause I tried to do this right in your own time

['Cause I tried to do this right in]

I've been telling you with my eyes

(aah)

My heart's on fire

(ah ah)

Why don't you realize

(aah)

Tell me do you know (woah woah)

TELL ME DO YOU KNOW (woah woah)

I GET SO BREATHLESS

[(I get so breathless when you call my name)]

OH when you call MY NAME

[I often wondered do you feel the same]

(aah aah aah aah)

[(There's a chemistry, energy, a synchronicity)]

WOAH-HOH

[When we're all alone]

[So don't tell me]

OH DON'T YOU TELL ME

[You can't see]

OH-HOH

WHAT I'M THINKING OF- WOAH

[I get so breathless when you call my name]

Oh when you call my name

(aah aah aah aah)

[I've often wondered do you feel the same]

I've often wondered

[(There's a chemistry, energy, a synchronicity)]

OH-WOAH....OH-OH

[When we're all alone]

OHH-WOAH

So don't tell me you can't see

[Don't you tell me]

(Don't you tell me)

What I'm thinking of...

Kagome put the mike back in the stand then smiled and waved as the applause grew to deafening proportions. The women grabbed hands and bowed then turned to leave the stage.

********************************************************

Meanwhile...

Sesshoumaru looked at the women stepping on the stage and understood the reason for The BPs jeers. They were jealous. On stage were four tall plus-size very pretty women. Actually, he had to admit that they were gorgeous. The whistles and catcalls adding credence to his admission. The BPs probably couldn't comprehend that beauty came in all sizes, not just 0 through 8.

As the music started he gave them each a once over. They all looked like they were in their mid to late twenties. The one on the far right was obviously not Japanese with that long ponytail of red hair and those bright green eyes. She looked more Gaelic than anything else. She had a very generous pear shape. She wore fawn colored slacks and a bright green fitted tailored shirt that matched her eyes. Bright green snakeskin pumps, a chunky jade necklace and marbled jade hoops finished her outfit.

Next to her was a sweet faced woman with a china girl haircut. It was a shiny jet black and hugged her face accentuating her snapping black eyes. Her generous breasts were encased in a lavender scoop neck sweater that flowed over her gently. A white flowered A-line skirt with matching hints of lavender drew the eye away from the fact that her hips were slimmer than her bust. A pretty print scarf and white ballet shoes gave her a European flair.

The lead singer, Kagome, was a voluptuous hourglass. He felt his mouth water. She had on a white untucked loosely tailored shirt and a snug black knee length skirt. A big mauve colored belt showed off her surprisingly small waist. She had on matching stilettoes and jewelry. Her blue-black hair was scraped back into a bun. It brought focus to a pair of arresting blue-grey eyes surrounded by thick sooty lashes. He felt a stirring in him. He wanted to know her better.

The singer on the far left looked like Kagome's older sister. She was thicker than Kagome, yet she still had the same shape. She had bounteous breasts and very generous hips. She wore a white scoop neck sweater dress with a fire engine red belt around her tiny waist. She had on red pumps and red jewelry that rounded out a very flattering ensemble. She too had her midnight brown hair in a bun. Bangs softened her features, partially hiding a pair of sultry chocolate eyes.

He watched Kagome as she did her thing. He was impressed. She sounded better than he thought, that rasp doing nasty things to him. He loved her body language, too. It seemed as if her whole person was singing. The sway of her hips had him mesmerized throughout the song.

He blinked when the applause started. He hadn't realized the song had ended. Never had that happen to him before. He watched her as she walked off the stage and towards her table. She had a mean ass walk. He grunted in appreciation.

********************************************************

Around the table...

Bankotsu, Ginta and Hakkaku swayed with the music, being soothed by the sound of Kagome's voice.

Kouga stared at the redhead on the stage. She looked exotic as did the one with the blue eyes. Yet something about her drew him. He looked at her hips and thighs again and the siren call got a little louder. Hmm...

Hiten was checking out the one with the purple sweater. She had a flair for life, he could tell. He wondered if she was a travel buff like him. She caught his eye and winked at him. He smirked back. He liked her style.

Inuyasha had eyes only for the one in white. She was beautiful. He liked big women and she was just his type. See, he knew the secret. Chunky women were usually fantastic cooks and they were so soft to the touch. He couldn't get enough. He wanted to find out everything about her, especially if she was single.

Miroku wondered where Sango was. She usually performed with Kagome. He hoped she was okay because she said that she was coming. That's why he had dragged his crew here tonight. He looked around. Ah, there she is. He sighed softly. To think that him, a grown ass man of thirty-two, would have a crush. A crush of all things on a co-worker who thought of him as nothing more than the office manwhore.

He had purposely not asked her to bear his son because he wanted to do it the right way. He wanted her for keeps. He'd known that in the first few seconds of meeting her when they had shook hands. There had been a shock of electricity when they had touched. That first impression had been at the forefront of his mind for the last two years.

Two years because his reputation had preceded him and she had kept her distance. His conquests were legendary and he had the panties to prove it. Yet, she was not impressed with his prowess at all. Every time he got close enough to try to have a word with her either some woman started flirting with him, or some woman smacked him, or his hand got the better of him and SHE smacked him! The kamis were against him, he just knew it!

It didn't matter that she wasn't a swinging size six either. Personally, he was in high pervert heaven. That just meant more ass to grab. Oh, and what an ass! To boot, her personality was scintillating and he could listen to her sweet voice forever.

He imagined it was her singing the song to him. If only she'd get breathless when he called her name because he knows he sure did when she called his!

He sighed dreamily and was content until someone popped him upside the head.

"Hey! What the hell? It wasn't me this time!" The chuckles at his expense were not amusing.

"I called your name three times, idiot!" Kouga rolled his eyes in disgust then smirked. "Losing your hearing already, old man?"

"Nope. It's just that all that screaming you did last night still had my ears ringing." Inuyasha howled. "If you would have just relaxed like I told you to things would have gone a lot smoother." He gave Kouga a wicked grin.

"Fuck you, bitch!" Everyone was snickering.

"Again? Okay, let me check my schedule and get back to you." His grin turned into a full blown lecherous smile and his eyes glittered.

"Alright, alright, leave poor Kouga alone." Inuyasha and Hakakku were holding Kouga down, chuckling at his snarls.

Bankotsu cut in. "Anyway, inquiring minds would like to know how you did your little trick. You saw her face didn't you?"

"Actually, no. I really recognized her by her ass. I got a closeup of her, ahem, features once. I met her when she came to visit Sango one day. Her ass is scrumptious." His fingers started flexing. "Just as scrumptious as Sango's. She has a walk that's as delicious as Sango's too. When you see it you won't forget it, ever." His eyes glazed over in reminiscence.

Sesshoumaru's eyes flickered. He was on point with that one. Kagome had the kind of walk that said "Men only! Children beware!" If this paragon Sango walked like that he could understand Miroku's obsession.

"Sango, Sango, Sango! Here we go again. Gentlemen, if you please?" Hiten cleared his throat and looked at Sesshoumaru. "Can you-?"

Sesshoumaru nodded and held his hand up like he had a conductor's baton.

"Sango Sango, Sango!" Hiten beat out a Caribbean rhythm on the table.

"Juicy like a mango!" Ginta was making squeezing motions with his hands.

"Hotter than the tango!" Hakakku did an Elvis imitation.

"I so want to bang-oh!" Inuyasha made pumping movements with his arms.

"Wish she'd let me hang-oh!" Kouga leaned his cheek on a palm and pretended to jerk off.

"She just makes my brain go!" Bankotsu put on a starry eyed fangirl look.

"Sango, Sango, Sango!" They finished together and people at the tables around them started clapping and whistling. They laughed and took bows with the exception of Sesshoumaru.

Miroku was nodding yet still in his own world.

"Earth to Miroku," Inuyasha waved his hands in front of Miroku's face. "That still doesn't explain how you recognized her so easily. You said you met her once. That's not enough to be that familiar with her shape."

"Eh?" His eyelashes fluttered as he came to himself. The guys snorted. "Oh! You mean besides the fact that she's a regular here?" Groans filled the air.

"I knew I shouldn't have trusted you!"

"You are so getting the shit kicked out of you!"

"Why do I even attempt-?"

"You suck ass, Miroku!"

"And I'm very good at it too, if you must know." He gave them a wink and a shit-eating grin.

"ARRGH!!"

"Entirely too much information, you freak!"

"Damn it all, Miroku! I was about to order the tossed salad!"

********************************************************

"Oh thank you Kagome! That was wonderful." Sango had stars in her eyes.

"Yeah, yeah whatever. Personally, I think you fainted on purpose."

'Big gasp' "Well I never! I am not a fainter!"

"You sure about that?" Ayame cocked her a disbelieving look. "Need I remind you about a certain Ricky Martin concert?"

"Oh ho ho I remember that one! Ricky had pulled her onstage and she was dancing her ass off!" Kagome's eyes sparkled.

"Unh huh. Right up until he spun her around and kissed her." Kikyo chimed in.

"Yup, and that's when Timber Tina took her dive." Ayame grinned evilly.

"And she was carried back to us by that hot bodyguard that winked at Kanna." Kikyo smiled at Kanna who blushed.

"Hey! I'll have you know that I was an impressionable young girl when that happened!"

"It was six months ago!"

"Your point being?"

**Two Tons Of Fun was an actual singing group. Do the words "It's Raining Men" ring a bell?

I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did after I put back in the punctuation marks. XP

Thanks for reading