The Summer of My Demon Lover by PublicDisaster

My Secret Hideaway

I made some changes so I decided to repost, just to make it easier on myself.

The next chapter should be out soon, so yeah. The full eleven chapters should all be up by the summer, but I am not making any prmoises when it comes to my writing/editing habbits. I tend to get distracted.

WARNING: This is going to be a very dramatic, angst-filled, sad story that will make you hate me for a very long time.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the song "When It All Falls Down" by The Calling

Heaven's in your eyes

And it's begging me to lie

You're waiting for a little more

Of those words you wanna hear but..

The silence weighs on me

And I think it's time to leave

Before I go, you gotta know

Why nothing's ever clear

"Kagome-chan! Kaede-sama says that it is time for you to wake up," I could hear the voice of my little brother, Souta, from outside of my bedroom door.

I had taught him a long time ago to never come in my room without me saying that he could, and from then on he didn't. After a few minutes I finally sat up, still very tired from being up so late the night before, but I knew that if I did not get up then Kaede would come in here herself. She would make sure that she annoyed me until I was ready to run out of the room without getting dressed. She has done that more than once, so now I just do what I am told to save me the trouble. I opened my eyes, but shut them just as the sun hit. I did not like the sun in the morning, it always seemed like it was out to make me turn blind, and I think one day soon it will accomplish that goal. It did not take me long to get dressed, but that may be because I never cared how I looked. No one seemed to notice me anyway, so it never mattered to me.

"Good morning child," Kaede, our nanny, said as I came down the stairs and into the kitchen.

Our house was nice, not too big and not too small, just right for how many people that lived here. I use to have the big room, but after my mother died my father moved my brother into my room and gave me his, but I never complained. I guess I figured that I deserved it, being the difficult girl that looked and acted just like my mother. Maybe that is not a good reason, but I will never say anything about it.

"Good morning, Kaede-san," I said before sitting down at the table.

Usually I spent my summer days helping Kaede out around the house, something that my mother always did. Before Kaede barely did any work, my mother always doing it herself, much to Kaede's protest that is. My mother was a wonderful women, always making sure that Kaede did not have to do much work, but making sure that she got paid every bit of what a full days work was worth. She told me once that she just liked having Kaede around to talk to, that she was a friend that needed to make a living, so she made sure that she had one.

"What will ye be doing today?"

It was a good question since we did nearly every bit of work the day before, all that was left was light stuff that would only take Kaede half an hour or so to do. Souta had a play date this morning, so he wouldn't have to be watched. Free time was not something that I was ever good at, I always needed something to do.

"I think that I may take or walk, or maybe even go for a swim," I said it more to myself, but Kaede nodded her head in approval while starting on the dishes.

"Just be back before dark. You know what your father will think if you are gone too long," she said in a warning tone, one that I am all too familiar with.

I have been warned so many times, and nearly all of those times I did not listen. I do not know why, I guess I am just adventurous that way, always having to push everyone around me, always wanting some sort of attention. I have always wondered if it was bad that I knew that about myself yet continued to do these things. I suppose that it all just comes down to the mind and how we wish to perceive things, and I wish to perceive what I am doing as somewhat normal.

So I'm waiting for you

I'm waiting to know you

But I don't even understand myself

Don't ask me why

You know I have to walk away

Don't you try to stop and save me

When it all falls down,

When it all falls down.

"Bye Kaede-san, I'm going now," I said after I rinsed off my dishes and put them in the sink.

I tried to make as little work for Kaede as possible, just like my mother had always done. It was a nice day out, perfect some might say. I made sure to grab a jacket before I went outside. Though it was nice out, I liked to make sure that I was prepared for whatever may happen, another thing that I had learned from my mother. She was a wise woman, and everyone loved her, I just wish that I could have know her better.

You know I tried but I can't change

So go ahead and blame me

When it all falls down

Cause it'll all fall down.

In the spider web

I'm trapped by what I've said

As you can see, I'll never be

What you really want so...

There was a slight breeze as I walked through the forest, the leaves would sway back and forth when it came. I took in everything around me as I breathed a sigh of relief to be away from my home for the day. I never get to come outside much, so when I do it is very special to me. My mother and I use to do this a lot when my father was at work and there were no more chores to be done. My father use to tell her that she spoiled me, but she would never listen, she loved spending time with me.

Since my mothers death everything has changed. My father no longer loves me, and I know why, but for some reason knowing why does not make me feel any better. My mothers death hit all of us so hard, well, except Souta. He was so young then, so he does not remember anything about her. My father remarried a year after her death which gave Souta a mother to get to know, but all it gave me was someone else to hate me. I never thought of her as a mother because I had a mother, and she was the most wonderful person in the world. And what's so sad about all of this is that I am the reason that my mother died. Its true, my father tells me this every time he has too much to drink. I was the reason that she was out in the forest and I was the reason that she came back. The demon had me, so she came back to save me, and in the end she was the one that was killed.

I could feel the tears falling before I could hear my own sobs. I always did this when I thought about her and how much my life has changed since she has been gone. I know when most families lose someone that they grieve, but then they become so much closer because they do not want to lose anyone else. Not with my father, no, we became further apart. My father has his new wife, and I know that he loves Souta, but I am the one left out in the cold.

"I just wish that everything would get better,"

I told myself that for years, but of course nothing changed, everything stayed the exact same. I sometimes wonder why I stay, but then I think of Souta and I know the answer why. He is so young and he has no idea what is going on, and I could not bare to be without him. He is the last bit of my mother that I have left, and I love him more than anything, more than I love myself. As long as he is alright and he is getting what he needs, then I am alright too.

I'll just hide behind

This attitude, dissolve my pride

It's made the choice to keep your voice

From creeping to my inside

Still I'm waiting for you

I'm waiting to know you

Can't forget the power that you have

What do you want from me?

The tears were still falling, I had no control over them, so I wiped my eyes as best I could before stopping and looking where I had gotten myself. Interestingly enough I had walked to the exact spot that I had last seen my mother. Some would think that this place would upset me, but for some reason it didn't, instead it brought me comfort. In a way it feels like she is here whenever I am, like she is watching me to make sure that I am safe. I like that feeling, it makes me smile when I think about her being this close to me. I had not been here in a few years, life had just gotten so busy, and for a little while I tried not to remember what happened. It did not work for so many reasons, one being that you can never forget that your mother died right in front of your eyes while trying to save you, and another being that a drunken father will never let you forget.

I looked around a bit more and saw something that I had forgotten about until now. It was the old shed that my mother and I had found. It is buried partially underground, and if you did not look very closely you would miss it from all of the trees and bushes that have it hidden. I had not been here in at least four years, it was so hard thinking about all of the times that I came here with my mother for picnics. We had cleaned the hidden shed up to become our secret hiding place. Would came here near everyday, it was filled with memories of story telling, silly songs, and just happy memories.

"And now all that it is filled with is dust, dirt, and bugs," I told myself as I turned around to leave.

You know I have to walk away

Don't you try to stop and save me

When it all falls down,

When it all falls down.

You know I tried but I can't change

So go ahead and blame me

When it all falls down

Cause it'll all fall down.

Even if I tried

Even if I lied to you

It wouldn't make it any better

Well now, even if I lose

The one that I would choose would be you

I was intent on leaving, but something stopped me. I had a feeling that I should go in there, if only to face whatever it was that I seemed to be so afraid of. It took a minute for me to decided to go in, so I gathered all of my strength and walked to the small door. I grabbed the handle and pulled, but it would not budge. After so many years of rain and snow, it probably got stuck. I grabbed the handle again and pulled with all of my strength, and finally after what seemed like a lifetime, it opened. I climbed down the small steps and looked around. Sure enough, it was dusty, dirty, and there was a giant bug in the middle of the floor.

"Wait, giant bug?" I asked myself as I walked closer to it.

It was dark inside, having no windows, so I went over the where my mother always kept the matches and candles. As I lit a candle the room became easier to see, and eventually that giant bug in the middle of the floor turned into a silver haired man. There was a silver haired man asleep on the floor, and of course I screamed because there was a silver haired man asleep on the floor and I am a big idiot that acts before she thinks.

"Oh, this isn't good,"

Still I'm waiting for you

And I'm waiting to know you

But I don't even understand myself

So don't ask me why,

Don't ask me why..

You know I have to walk away

Don't you try to stop and save me

When it all falls down,

When it all falls down.

You know I tried but I can't change

So go ahead and blame me

When it all falls down

Cause it'll all fall down