There's Beauty in the Breakdown by PublicDisaster

A Beautiful Mess

Okay, this is my second attempt at this story. The first time did not go so well, which is why I rewrote most of the chapter and made it longer. Hopefully people will actually read and review this, otherwise I am just going to give up and it will become another story that only me and my compiter get to read.

Anyway, enjoy. The next chapter will be better, maybe a little more drama is I can manage it without wanting to kill myself.

WARNING: Major drug use will be glorified in this story, and probably a bit of sex.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Inuyasha or any of the songs that will be used in this story.

My favorite things about weekends use to be the fact that I felt liked I earned them. I spent so many hours doing my homework and chores so that my mother would be proud of me. I made really good grades, and I always felt like I deserved to do what I wanted over the weekend, a little treat for being as close to perfect as I could get. I guess that was the start of my downfall, though I did not think of it like that at the time, I thought that I was just being normal.

Too bad no one told me that there was no such thing as normal, a hard lesson to learn, but then again one that needs to be learned. But back to how my life went to hell, well, that all started with my very first boyfriend. Naraku was so handsome, I thought that if I could just have him as my boyfriend then my life would be complete. He never noticed me before, and I knew that, but it still did not stop me from wanting him. It was not until a few months after I started having these feelings that I finally got my in. Naraku's friend, Kagura, started talking to me. It was not much at first, but after a few weeks we started becoming friends, and that got me introduced to Naraku.

He finally noticed me, and less than a week later I was his girlfriend. I was in heaven, and it was like that until he invited me to my first party. Everything seemed normal, just people hanging out and dancing, but that was not the case towards the end of the night. When people started leaving he took me into a room in the back where his close friends, including Kagura, were gathered waiting for us. I could not see as I entered the room, smoke filled every corner. That was when I was offered my first joint. At first I did not want it, I even refused, but after a few minutes of pressure from everyone, I broke.

One joint turned into one tab, and one tab turned into one line, and that one line turned into the point-of-no-return for me. I was hooked just like everyone else, and the worst part was that I loved every minute of it. I thought that I deserved it for being the perfect daughter, because in my eyes that is exactly what I was. The truth is, after that I stopped doing my school work, and most days I did not bother to show up. I stayed with Naraku at his house, the drugs and Naraku were all that mattered to me. The day that I started snorting cocaine was the day that I lost my virginity. I am not sure how it happened, but I know how I felt afterwards. I felt like shit, like my life was out of control, but instead of stopping and going home, I took more drugs and let it happen all over again.

I knew that I had a problem, it did not take me long to figure that out, I just did not know how to fix my drug problem without having to feel the impact of my other problems. I started taking drugs to fit in, but within a few weeks I realized that I needed them just to function.

But through all of this, the truly sad thing that I cannot get over is the fact that I am still sick, and I have no idea how to get myself better.

Welcome to the disease, I hope you have better luck than I have.

Every since I woke up that morning something felt wrong. It was not like most mornings where I would wake up and my body would ache for another hit of something, anything really. No, it was different, almost like something was waiting to happen. I could not figure it out, so I just went on getting ready for the day. This was one of those rare days were I would actually be going to school, of course if I made it to any of my classes it would have been a miracle.

My mother told me the night before that she wanted to drive me, saying something about how we never spend any time together anymore. At first I said no, but when I looked in her eyes and saw the sadness, something in me made me say yes. I loved my mother with every fiber of my being and I hated to see her sad, she always seemed so sad to me. I got in the car that morning and rode in silence as we drove my little brother to school. No one said anything as we drove towards my school, and in a way I was happy about that. I loved my mother, but I did not have an urge to talk to her. I did not want her knowing anything about my life outside of the house. I was never sure if it was because I did not want to disappoint her, or if I just did not want her knowing anything about me.

If I had to guess, it would have been the first one for sure, but at this point nothing is clear to me. I was starting to feel relieved when I saw my school drawing closer, but then a few seconds later I noticed that my mother was not going to stop and let me out. She just kept driving, not even looking at me as I told her that she passed by my school. She continued to ignore me even after I started yelling at her to turn around. She just kept driving, and for some reason the blank look on her face terrified me. Eventually I stopped yelling, it was not helping me any, it only served to piss me off more.

It felt like we were in the car for hours before it stopped. I think that I had fallen asleep at some point, because when I looked up we were parked in front of a tall, white building. I could not read the sign, but I had a very bad feeling. My mother told me to get out of the car, and I refused to get out until she told me where we were and why we were there. She did not say anything and the next thing I knew there were two men pulling me out of the car as my mother sobbed behind us. When I got inside I found out exactly where I was, and I remember everything I said to my mother. Every single word.

"Mommy, please don't leave me here. I'll die," I pleaded with my mother as the guards pulled me further into the building.

"I'm sorry, Kagome, but this is the best place for you right now," she said as the tears started to well in her eyes.

"When you are better you can come home, I promise," she finished as a single tear rolled down her cheek.

I was so angry when I heard her speak, I was not sick and I did not want to be here. I resented her for thinking that she could just throw me away any time that she wanted. For thinking that I had a problem when I most obviously did not.

"I hate you, you stupid bitch. I hope you die and burn in hell!" I yelled at her before the guards pulled me into a small office.

I could hear my mother break down crying, and for the life of me I could not seem to care.

I suppose what hurt her the most was not the words so much as it was me being the one to say them. I saw the look in her eyes, but for some reason the anger in me took over and I could not seem to even make myself care. I hurt my mother, but I couldn't care about her at that moment. She hurt and betrayed me, so therefor she deserved everything that I said to her, maybe even a little more. She said that if I got better then I could come home, but how do you get better if you do not believe that you are really sick?

So I am here for who knows how long, and all I have is myself. No family, no friends, no one that I can count on. All I have is me.

"Welcome to rehab, Kagome," I said to myself as I stared at the ceiling in my new room.

"Hopefully, you can bullshit your way back home,"

Three days, thats how long I have been here and I have yet to leave my room. They say that I have to join in today, but I refuse. They can all sit around and share how they are feeling if they want, but they can count me out because that is not something that I am comfortable with. This place smells like a hospital with a hint of cigarette smoke and crazy people. The walls are all white, as are the ceilings and the floor. All of this white is driving me crazy. They made me take out all of my piercings, not that I had many, but I felt naked without my earrings and my favorite shampoo. I know, trivial things, but they are what made me Kagome and they just took them away from me.

They tell me when and what to eat, something that I have not experienced since I was a child, something that I would love to once again be rid of.

I have no freedom here, it does not exist for anyone but the people that run this place. I could not make any calls, I have been trying since I got here, but that is a privilege that they say I have to work for. While in my room I have heard random chanting and singing, and that only confirmed my not wanting to be here, I could never be like these people.

"I am just going to stay in here until they call my mother to come get me," I kept telling myself that, but in the back of my mind I knew it was not true.

They would not call my mom to come get me just for refusing to come out of my room. The only way that I would be able to leave is if they thought that I was 'better' or if my mom came to get me herself.

A few seconds later, while still staring at my very lovely ceiling, there was a knock on my door. I sighed at the thought of having to talk to these whack jobs, but I knew that I had to let them in sooner or later.

"Come in," I said, hoping that they would not be able to hear me, but unfortunately they did.

A tall woman entered my room a few seconds later. I remembered her from when I first got here, she was one of the doctors that they made me talk to. She wasn't old, but surely not young, she was sort of right there in the middle. She seemed nice, a bit on the nosy side, but I guess that is what she gets paid for.

"Kagome, it is time for your group session,"

I had two choices at this point. I could either refuse to go and run the risk of some sort of punishment being thrown at me, or I could go with her and try to endure whatever it is that she wants me to participate in.

"Fine," was all that I said before getting off of my bed and walking outside, not even waiting for the doctor.

I figured that I would get stares as I walked down the halls, thats how it was at my school, but nothing like that happened. They all seemed to ignore me and go about their pathetic lives, something that I guess I am a part of now.

"This way Kagome," the doctor said, of course I did not remember her name, I never remembered names.

I followed her down a few halls and finally into a fairly large room, though it was still like all of the others with the all white exterior. There were chairs that formed a circle in the middle of the room, and most of them were already filled with people. As I looked around I saw that most of them were teenagers, some looked even younger than I am, which made me think of my little brother and how he could just as easily be sent here. Some looked happy to be here, like the world was just peachy, but others looked like I felt, like the world was going to end. I picked an empty seat as far away from the cheerful people as I could get, but I still felt like I wanted to crawl out of my skin.

The doctor that had brought me here joined us in the circle, I could only guess that she was the one that was going to run whatever it was that we were doing. I was already tired of sitting here, my body ached all over and all I wanted to do was sleep, just sleep the rest of my life away. I wanted to lay down and never get up, my body wanted to shut down, and I wanted it too.

"Does anyone want to start?" the doctor asked, a smile on her face that made me want to vomit.

Of course no one wanted to share, why would they? Sure, maybe those few smiling people want to share their feelings about the world, but why would the rest of us want to?

"Kagome, how about we start with you,"

I did not expect that, I just wanted to sit here and be invisible. Thats all I was at home, so why couldn't it be the same way here, the way I wanted it for once in my life.

"I'm fine not talking," was my answer, though I doubted that she would give up on me that easily.

"Why don't you just introduce yourself and tell us why you are here,"

That made me angry, very angry actually. I do not know why, but her words made me see red. She wanted me to tell everyone why I am here, but how can I do that if I am not even sure why I was sent away from my family and the only home that I have ever known.

"I'm Kagome, and I am here because someone thought that it was a neat idea to send a perfectly normal girl to this hell hole!"

It hard started out normal enough, but by the end I was screaming, and before I knew it I was out of my chair and running down the halls back to my room. When I got to my door I opened it and ran inside, slamming the door in the process. My breathing was coming out hard, fast, and shaky. I sank down the wall in the corner by my bed. But the worst thing that happened since I have been here happened right at this moment. I started to cry.

"I just want to die. Why can't I die?"