The Pangs of Immortality by Allison-Sama

Part One

Hi everyone! This is my first story in the Inuyasha universe, so please be gentle, and leave lots of reviews...

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Not to mention I'm dirt poor, so if you sue, you won't get much.

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The complete Shikon no Tama is beautiful. Of course, I had seen it before it had been shattered, but now the jewel means something. It symbolizes the four years of hard work that had gone into collecting the shards, the impossible task of defeating Naraku that is barely an hour complete, the friends I have made in the past, and the farewell that this is all coming down to.

No matter how much I love my friends, no matter how much I want to stay, I have to go back to the future. I have an obligation to my family, an obligation to the time I have been born in.

I will no longer have to live in Kikyou's shadow. No longer would I see the man I have come to love so much tear himself up, over the hatred of both the one who had once loved him, and his only brother. Just before the final battle Kikyou had released Inuyasha from his promise to come with her to hell. Maybe she knew ahead of time that she would be the one to strike the killing blow, only to be killed by Naraku in the same instant. But instead of being dragged back down to hell, her final sacrifice had redeemed her. She was free to rest in peace now, leaving Inuyasha alone and heartbroken. I cannot stay, not when every glance he sends my way, every kind word, is meant for Kikyou, mourning for what was and what could never be.

I must return to my own time. As much as it hurt to leave, as much as it tears the very fabric of my soul, staying would be unbearable. Staying would destroy me.

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"So it comes down to this." Inuyasha said, staring at the jewel in his palm. It seems so small, almost insignificant. But appearances are deceiving. The whole gang, huddled around, knew it, and they knew everyone else was thinking about it too, so no words were spoken about it.

I was about to say something, to tell them of my decision to go back to my own time, to tell them how special they are to me, but Inuyasha cut me off.

"Well, no use waiting any longer."

I was about to ask him what he meant, but he continued.

"I wish..."

I tried to snatch the jewel out of his hand, before he could say the next words, but it was too late.

"I wish that I was a full-blood youkai."

But I had the jewel in my hand, just after he said it. The magic wouldn't work if the jewel weren't on him, right? Maybe it wouldn't want to grant such a selfish, thoughtless wish. How could he? We all worked so hard to get the jewel in one piece, and he can only think about himself, his lust for power and his brother's acceptance.

To my horror, I was being enveloped in a pink-tinged light, radiating from the jewel. Surely it wouldn't think that I had wished for such a selfish thing...would it?

I had no more time to panic. There is only fire, and the side of me that I don't let out, not even in my darkest moment, the side burning with hatred and pain. My feral side, my beast, identified the hanyou in front of me as the source of its pain, and it wanted to kill. Not only that, it wanted to kill him because he was weak, and for that alone he deserved to die.

My blood was burning with corrupting fire, from the stripes on my arms and face, to the claws growing where my fingernails and toenails once were. In that moment, I hated myself, because I had once been human, had once been weak. But no more.

Because I am not weak any longer, I cannot let this beast take over, cannot let this hatred consume me. I am not myself with all of this newfound power.

But who am I?

I am a girl who has loved, and has been happy, and has forgiven. I have been all of these things, and I am all of these things. This new foe from deep inside of me will not take that away.

I took my hatred, and focused it in a boiling point of malice. Then I hid it, under all of the layers of who I am. Again I was Kagome. But still, the beast was just under the surface, begging to be let out, lusting after power and blood.

I now noticed the look of horror that my friends were giving me. No one said a word. I suppose watching one of your dear friends change into an entirely different species could be a bit traumatic as well. I could hear their hearts beat, their uneven breathing. They were terrified.

I gave a small shrug, trying to calm them down. Sango was the first to break out of the reverie.

"Inuyasha, what have you done?" She whispered, voice husky from horror.

"It wouldn't have happened if she hadn't been an idiot and grabbed the jewel out of my hand!"

I turned sharply towards him. "None of this would have happened if you hadn't been selfish, wishing before I could go home to my family, stranding me in time, making a selfish wish on the sacred shikon. For that, you must be the one to protect it from demons lusting after its power. It is now your duty."

" Be careful who you call names. You are not the stronger of us anymore."

He winced, and I regretted my words. I had loved him once.

I could not love him anymore. It's not that I didn't want to, it's not like I couldn't recall all of the reasons why I had loved him. Everything that I had once thought so sure was crushed in the maw of a beast from inside the blackest recesses of my mind. It scared me, that something so dark, powerful, and filled with such hatred had come from inside of me. Never had I imagined that sweet, innocent Kagome was capable of such darkness, such power. In a way, she wasn't. I wasn't the same girl I had been an hour ago, or even five minutes ago. Purity, after it has been stained by hatred, cannot go back. The bridge has been burned for me. I must go on as someone I do not know.

This must be why demons destroy so much. It must be so easy to spit on love, when inside of you there is something of equal magnitude that is the polar opposite.

I knew this, and despaired.