The thought of Death by Nanari_Uchiha

Alone and lost

The thought of Death

"Momma, Daddy come here." 5-year-old Kagome Higurashi shouted as she knelt down before a glistening river. "Momma look there's fishes." She said as she dipped her had into the fresh cool water. She looked behind her but no one was there. "Momma where are you? Daddy?" She called out as she looked throughout the forest. As she approached a lighted area of the forest she saw her parents on the ground, lying in a pool of blood. She approached them wide eye, as she couldn't believe what was happening. "Momma! Daddy!" She yelled shaking them vigorously so they could wake up..

"Kagome wake up! Wake up!" Bonkotsu yelled as she shook her.

Kagome sat up rapidly as she woken up from a nightmare. Tears poured out of her eyes as she sat there. She looked at the side of her as Bonkotsu held her hand. Kagome hit his hand aside and glared at him. She got out of bed and faced him. "Who said you could come in my room?" She said coldly as she exited and got ready for school. Getting dressed she went in the kitchen where Bonkotsu and his parents sat.

"Kagome do you want waffles or pancakes?" Her mother said with a smile.

"Pancakes." She said plainly as she took a seat next to her brother.

"Are you okay Kagome?" Bonkotsu said worried.

"Shut up." She whispered making sure her parents didn't hear her.

"Kagome why are you like that. I'm just worried about you."

"Save it I don't need your pity."

"Kagome please just talk to me."

"I told you to shut up. I don't want to talk about it." She got up swiftly and headed towards the door.

"Kagome don't you want to eat?" Her mother yelled from behind. Kagome just slammed the door shut and headed towards the school.

"Mom don't worry I'll follow her." Bonkotsu said as he grabbed his backpack and followed Kagome out the door.

Kagome turned a corner, not heading towards the school but somewhere other than that and Bonkotsu quickly caught up with her. "Aren't you supposed to go to school?" Kagome said as she looked forward.

"I should be asking you that. It's your first year of High school Kagome. I'm not letting you skip school." He grabbed her arm stopping her in place.

"Stop acting like you're my fucking Brother. You're not okay so beat it. You go on with your life and I'll do the same with mines." Kagome tugged her arm out of his grasp but he immediately grabbed her arm again.

"I'm not letting you skip school." He Repeated. "I may not be your brother but I have to take care of you. I think of you as my sister so I'm treating you like one."

"Bonkotsu where are you going?" Ayame, Bonkotsu's girlfriend said as she ran up to us. "Don't you remember school is that way?" She said pointing in the other direction.

"Hey Ayame you go on ahead I have to drag my sister to school." He said holding Kagome's arm tightly.

"No that's okay I'll just follow you guys." Ayame said with a smile.

Kagome got out of Bonkotsu's grasp and started to walk away. "See ya." She said calmly.

Bonkotsu went in front of her and slung her on his shoulder so that her stomach rested on his shoulder and her feet dangled in front of Bonkotsu. He held her feet making sure she didn't fall.

"Let me go now Bonkotsu." Kagome yelled.

"I told you you're going to school and I'm not letting you go." Ayame looked at her with a smile and patted her head.

"Don't worry Kagome. He's just worried about you that's all. So you shouldn't be so mad at your brother."

"He's not my brother and if you ever pat my head again I'll tear your hand right off." Ayame immediately frowned. "And I promise I'll follow you to school if you just put me down." He immediately put her down and Kagome sighed. "Your such a pain. I mean it's the first day of school. Were not even going to do nothing." Kagome complained as she followed the two couple.

"Just get through it Kagome." He said as they walked. "So what's in your pocket?"

"What do you mean?" Kagome said worried.

"I felt something in your pocket. So what's in it and don't even bother to say you don't have anything in your pocket. Show me."

"It's none of your damn business Bonkotsu." She said harshly as she walked on ahead. Bonkotsu ignored her but kept a watchful eye on her as she walked on.

"Bonkotsu why is she so cruel to you." Ayame said as she clung to Bonkotsu's arm.

"She's always been like that ever since I remember. She never could brush away her past. All she does is push towards the past and never the future. She just wants to ignore everything around her." He said as sadness showed upon his face. "She could never understand that we all worry about her."

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Kagome entered her homeroom class and she sat down in the back waiting for the bell to ring and when it finally did her old classmates from junior high and also new faces swept in the classroom with smiles as they took there seats and waited for the teacher to arrive.

"Well, well the fresh meat of our school has finally come. The New Year has now started and prepare yourself for the worse this year because it's going to be a hell of a school year." A man with black hair with a short ponytail at the back of his head who looked no older than 21 said as he sat on his front desk. He was energetic and kept a smile on ever since he entered the class. He wore some kind of purple glove with beads around it on his right hand. He scanned the room as he began to talk. "Okay this is homeroom so there's not anything to do but introduce yourself. You may know other classmates from junior high and maybe new faces that you see. So were going to introduce ourselves and why don't we start with our names, favorite color, future goals, and then you opinion on life. Why don't I start." The man cleared his throat and began. "I'm Miroku Ibiki and you can call me Mr. Ibiki or just Miroku. Either one is fine and my favorite color would be purple and for my future goal I would want to learn about each and every one of you. Also my opinion in life would be. Live life as if it's your last day to live." He smiled as stood up walking back and fourth as he looked at the class. "So why don't we start with the girl in the back. The one with the annoyed look on her face." He said as he pointed to Kagome.

Standing up she started. "I'm Kagome Higurashi. I don't have a favorite color or neither any future goals, and my opinion on life doesn't concern you because I don't have any opinions on life." With her arms folded in front of her, she took a seat and the teacher stared at her.

"Hmmm well not really descriptive but at least you've introduced yourself so whose next. So the morning classes went on the same as the first. When the lunch bell rang Kagome walked through the halls when she finally found a stairway leading up to the roof. The roof was fenced and secluded. Kagome leaned her back on the fence and sighed as she reached into her pocket. She took out a pocketknife and held it firmly in her hands as she looked at the clouded sky. "Lucky thing Bonkotsu didn't force me to take this out." She said with a smile as she flipped the knife open. Kagome raised the knife above her head and stared at the metallic object. After staring at it for a few minutes she pulled up her sleeves and slightly placed the knife on her arm. "Every time I tried someone would stop me." She whispered as she hesitated a bit. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

"So no wonder you never smiled in class. You're suicidal. Jezz a beautiful girl like you wasting your life like that." A boy with long silver-hair said as he jumped off of the roof of the entrance door. He walked towards her with his hands in his pockets. Kagome put the knife back in her pocket and glared at him.

"It's none of your damn business." She said as she watched the boy take a seat next to her.

"So Kagome why are you doing that to yourself." He said with a sincere smile. Kagome looked away.

"And I say again. It's none of your damn business what the hell I do with my life. Why are you seating next to me for. I don't need any company."

"Maybe because I need your company." They both sat in silence. The boy stared at her and Kagome could tell he was.

"How do you know my name?" She ask coldly as she turned to him.

"Does this remind you. 'I don't have a favorite color or neither any future goals, and my opinion on life doesn't concern you because I don't have any opinions on life' it was something like that." He smiled and Kagome just glared at him.

"So Miroku's class. I sure didn't notice you or even wanted to in the first place."

" You're quiet cruel don't you think. Well I can put up with it."

"It's not like you're going to hang out with me or something. We're not going to be friends and if you have a problem with me than leave." She inquired

"Well I don't have a problem with it." Kagome just looked away from him and decided to ignore him. She hated how nice he was and the way he always smiled at her. It reminded her of the guys who tried to hit on her in junior high. The gentlemen type of guy who acted like the kind of person you wanted them to be or expected them to be. Kagome closed her eyes until she felt gravity pulled down on her shoulder. She turned to the silver-haired boy and he was leaning against her shoulder. "What the hell are you doing?" She snapped.

"I felt a little drowsy so I leaned my head against your shoulder." He closed his eyes and let out a sigh.

"I don't care if your fucken dieing on the floor just get the-" She let out a sigh and looked away. She didn't feel defeated she just felt tired of arguing. The morning argument with her brother was tiring enough.

"Thank you." He said as he drifted to sleep.

When the bell rang for classes Kagome practically shoved him aside even though he was half asleep and simple left.

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Kagome walked home alone even though Bonkotsu clearly told her to wait for him when school was through. She didn't go straight home but walked aimlessly. With one hour passed she stopped and smirked. "I must have subconsciously remembered." She whispered as she looked at the tombstones. She walked past tombstone after tombstone until she stopped and went to her knees. "Damn you." Clutching her hand tightly into a fist, tears ran down her cheek as she looked at the tombstone. "I hate you so much." She got up and started to walk away, sick of looking at her parents names engraved on the headstone.

She went to the beach and leaned her arms on the wooden fencing that was a good distance away from the water. She looked at her right and sighed immensely loud. "Damn it." She said as the boy approached her.

"You seem to have been crying." The Silvered haired boy said.

"Fuck off. Are you following me or something?"

"Quiet the vocabulary you got there but no I'm not following you I just saw you and decided to keep you company." He grinned but Kagome just ignored it.

"Didn't I tell you back in school that I didn't need your company."

"Well like I said before maybe I needed your company." Looking at the ocean Kagome sighed and started to leave. "Where are you going?"

"Home" She said as she started to walk. She looked behind her and the silvered hair boy followed her. Cocking an eyebrow in confusion Kagome turned a corner but he still followed. "Why the hell are you following me?" She said as she turned around to face him.

"I just wanted to make sure you got home okay."

"Well I don't need your protection."

"I see your at least close to home so I'll see you at school." He said as they departed their separate ways.

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Eating dinner Bonkotsu nudge my arm and smiled. "So you got yourself a boyfriend." He said as he took a bite of food.

"Shut up." She whispered looking at her parents.

"You have a boyfriend dear. What's his name?" Her mother said with joy as she put her fork down. She immediately got up from her seat and gave Kagome a hug. "Oh my gosh honey this is great. You should bring him to have dinner with us and we can-" Kagome slightly pushed her away and sighed.

"I'm not dating anyone mom. I don't know why Bonkotsu got to that conclusion but it's not true." Kagome gave Bonkotsu a cold stare.

"Don't give me that look I saw you with a guy at the beach standing by you." He smirked looking at his food knowing that if he ever glanced at her he'll just get evil stares.

"That's not true." Kagome got up swiftly and took her plate. "I had enough of this I'm eating in my room." She stomped upstairs and slammed her door, sitting on the bed she leaned her head back onto the wall. "Damn it."

After eating She set her plate onto her drawer that lay beside her bed. She grabbed the pillow on her feet and held it against her chest like a teddy bear. Closing her eyes she can see the silver haired boy smile. She hated that smile of comfort and with ease looked that everything in his life was perfect. She threw her pillow to the dresser in front of her and glared at herself in the mirror that attached to her drawer. All she saw was loneliness and discomfort. She saw pain and agony as she looked in her eyes. The reflection in the mirror gripped her heart. She shoved her hands in her pocket and took out her pocketknife. Flipping the knife open she held it to her wrist trembling. "I can't take it." She said as she slightly pushed the knife on to her wrist. Swiftly she sliced through her skin and she quickly dropped the knife. Clutching her wound as it bled she winced at the pain and sighed as she caught her image in the mirror again. Anger rushed through her and she took the knife and threw it at the mirror as it cracked into pieces and fell to the floor.

Bonkotsu rushed in the room. "What's going-" He stopped as he looked at the glass on the floor. He then looked at Kagome who stared at her arm. Blood stained on her sheets as it seeped through her fingertips. Bonkotsu left the room and in minutes came in with a first aid kit. He sat beside her and grabbed her injured arm but she quickly pulled away.

"Leave me alone I don't need your help." She said, as she looked at the remaining shards of glass that stuck to the frame.

"How did you get your arm cut like that? The glass couldn't have flown as far as-" He looked at the shards of glass on the floor and spotted the knife. He picked it up and looked at the blood on the edge of the knife. "What the hell are you trying to do to yourself! If mom and dad saw this they would-"

"I don't care what they think of me because they're not my parents and you're not my brother!" She winced a bit as her head started to hurt. "I don't have no one anymore! I don't have anything, no mother, no father, no family, nothing!" She stopped as her vision started to blur from the blood lost.

"Give me your arm I have to stitch it together." He attempted to grab her arm again but she refused his offer.

"Just leave, if I bleed to death its all the better. So just leave." She said calmly as she got up and started to walk towards the door.

"Hey Bonkotsu I got the movie! Man where are you?" Hojo said from the hallway approaching Kagome's room.

"Baby where are you we brought Koga to he insisted on coming." Ayame said with a grin.

"Your friends are waiting for you so leave me alone." Kagome rested her hand on the drawer beside the bed trying to keep her balance. Blood ran down her fingertips as she stood there.

"Damn it Kagome just-" Bonkotsu looked at his friends that stood at Kagome's door.

"What happened?" Ayame said as she and the others looked on.

"What does it look like stupid? Who said you can come in my room? Get out." Kagome said cruelly as she dropped to her knees. Bonkotsu caught her before she could fall to the ground. He carried her and rushed to his room.

"Ayame grab the first aid kit." He demanded as he rushed into his room. He laid her on the bed and looked at her wrist as it continued to bleed. Ayame rushed in, followed by the others. He quickly stitched her sister's arm as fast and precise as he could.

"What the hell happened to her? Shouldn't we take her to the hospital? She needs a blood transfusion." Koga said as he watched Bonkotsu Stitch.

"You wouldn't understand. Just-" He stopped as tears formed in his eyes but he refused to let them spill out.

"You have to tell us what happen. Were worried about you and her. We have to take her to the hospital we can't leave her here like this." Ayame said worried.

"I can't do that. If my parents found out-"

"Where are your parents?" Hojo interrupted. "Aren't they going to come back soon?"

"No. Moments after dinner the got a call saying they had to get on a plane... for business or something. I can't take her to the hospital. She'll be fine." He said as he finally finished and patched her wound.

Ayame put her hand on Bonkotsu's shoulder as he cried. "I can't take her there. If my parents found out she'll be sent away. She attempted to kill her self a few times before and we got her help to deal with her suicidal thoughts but she tried it again and my parents said if this happens again they'll send her to an institute where she'll be kept there until they finally decided that she's better. I can't say I know how she feels but if she's kept in a nut house like that she'll really go insane and I can't just ignore that. I don't want her to leave. Even though she hates me. Even though she glares at me so much and ignores me I just don't want her to leave." Bonkotsu placed his hand on Ayame's hand. "I just won't let her do this to herself." He said as he got up. His friends looked at him in disbelief then let out a relaxed expression on their faces.

"We won't tell Bonkotsu. When she gets better we'll also look after her in school. We'll help you and her out." Hojo said with a smile as the others agreed.

"Thanks." He said as he stared at the floor.