His Little Sparrow by Pseudomonas

His Little Sparrow

Glossary:

iie - no

chichi-ue - father

nakanai - don't cry

daijoubu - I'm alright/its ok

hakama - pleated pants

ii yo - its alright/its good

futon - mattress

koi - carp

kochi - come!/here!

yokatta - that's good/Im glad

ningen - human

doushite - why?

haha-ue - mother

naze - why

gomen - sorry

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"When love beckons to you follow him,

Though his ways are hard and steep.

And when his wings enfold you yield to him,

Though the sword hidden among his pinions

May wound you.

And when he speaks to you believe in him,

Though his voice may shatter your dreams

As the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you

so shall he crucify you.

Even as he is for your growth

So is he for your pruning."

- 'The Prophet' by Gibran Khalil Gibran.

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Kagome remained absolutely motionless as the servants helped her with the heavy wedding kimono. Layers upon layers of silk covered her body, and she felt as if her heart was buried within layers and layers of unspoken sadness and grief; like an onion.

"Kagome-sama, it is done."

The resigned hime looked down wearily. The silky white kimono was indeed beautiful, with bright red sakura prints at the hems and over her left shoulder. But as she stood alone in her chambers, she felt a little lost, and foreign.

Her body did not belong to her. It belonged to her father, who had married her off to a youkai lord because he was afraid to be his enemy.

Her heart did not belong to her. It belonged to her lover, that young handsome pastry chef who always brought her delicious sweet little cakes. No one knew of his presence, other than her little maid who helped her to escape from the stifling house time to time for their rare rendevous.

Until his father discovered them.

"Iie chichi-ue! Please spare his life!" Kagome knelt on her knees and tugged desperately on her samurai father's thick hakamas.

"Then promise me that you will never see him again!" The Higurashi Head bellowed. How dare an insignificant chef dare to hold his daughter's hand!

Kagome turned her face to her captured lover, who was already half-dead from their servant's merciless beating. Looking at the blood-covered face and the awful, numerous gashes on his body; her heart broke.

She dared not look at his eyes, those loving, heart-warming violet irises. She wished that she could die with him. But no, she could not be that selfish. His life was more important than her love.

"How? Unless you don't want him to live," the samurai threatened.

Kagome slumped to the ground, and buried her face into her hands.

"Kagome..." her lover gurgled, half unconscious with his blood in his mouth.

She removed her hands and took one last look at Miroku. Yes, his life was more important. He hoped that he would not forget her though.

"Hai, as you wish chichi-ue."

The Higurashi Head smiled a little; his young daughter was so easy to bend to his will sometimes. Perhaps he should continue, since she was not exactly his favourite.

"I want you to promise that you will marry the youkai lord."

Kagome gasped. She could do without Miroku in her life, but... to marry a youkai?! "Chichi-ue!"

"I will break his fingers, and he will not be able to bake anymore. Promise me Kagome, that you will marry Sesshoumaru-sama. Then, this boy can leave, intact."

Kagome felt cold, very cold when her father said that. Miroku was staring at her, his worried eyes were telling her to run, not to agree, to escape. Leave, fly, disappear.

But she could not. His happiness was dependent on her.

Kagome nodded her head.

"Kagome-sama..." her little maid trembled and tried hard not to cry as she gathered her mistress's hair into an elaborate bun.

Kagome responded with a small smile as she looked into the gold mirror.

"Sango, nakanai. Daijoubu."

More hot angry tears flowed down her face, how could she not cry? How could she not fear? Her delicate fragile mistress was marrying Sesshoumaru! The lord who reigned over their region, who was also rumoured to be a heartless, despicable, cunning youkai.

"But Kagome-sama... Sango is afraid..." she sniffled back the mucus, "he.. he might not treat you well..."

Kagome turned around, got to her feet and placed both her hands on Sango's shoulders.

"Sango, do not worry for me. He will get my body, but never my heart, for it is dead."

She took the white sakuras from her maid's hand and arranged them on her hair-bun.

"I will ask for you, once I am there. I will not let you stay with chichi-ue."

Sango stared at her mistress's face through her watery eyes. It held a strange peaceful serene look; one that she saw on deceased people. Her mistress was indeed dead; for she could not see any remnants of the rebellious, free-spirited soul she once held in her deep brown irises anymore.

Kagome tried hard to listen to the silent mob of villagers that she knew was crowded outside of her sedan. But, no matter how she tried, she could not catch a whisper of his voice. Perhaps her father had forbade him to attend the procession.

"Kagome-sama!" Sango whispered from outside of the sedan as she walked alongside it.

"I see Miroku-sama!" The hushed whisper came again.

Kagome's heart stopped for a fraction. He was around? "Doko?" she asked nervously, she had to know.

There was a pause.

"Kagome-sama, he is gagged with a cloth... and struggling very hard..." Sango's voice trailed off.

Her gaze fell to the polished red wooden floor of the sedan, and she smiled.

He was alive, was not that the thing she had asked for?

"Ii yo," Kagome closed her eyes, and allowed her tears to fall. For they were tears of joy and relief. She promised herself that she would never cry, unless it was for a happy cause.

Kagome sat on her knees on the large white futon, not glancing anywhere other than at the white spot in front of her.

Tonight, my blood will stain this spot.*

Her heartbeats quickened just a little when she heard the paper shoji doors sliding apart. No, she told herself. She would not be afraid. The worst that could happen had already happened. She would just have to imagine that she was a corpse, and nothing else. The youkai would never be able to take away her soul.

Sesshoumaru walked slowly to the front of his ningen bride. He had heard much about her; her beauty, her grace, her spirit, and even her laughter when he crossed the woods one day. He had caught a glimpse of her small lithe body swinging and dancing around in the woods with her little maid, playing games and throwing wild flowers at each other.

But, he had also heard the rumours about her pastry-chef lover, how her father in fear of him, had forced his daughter to marry him. And now kneeling before him, was Kagome, the one he had desired for months. Would she still be the same girl that he saw in that quiet piece of wild woods? Would she fear him for his race? Would she love him out of fear? Would she admire him out of ignorance at his beauty and power?

She was sitting as still as a rock, and there was no expression on her face. He sat down gracefully on the wooden floor and crossed his legs. She did not move. He lifted the veil off her head with a clawed finger, and realized that she was indeed beautiful. Her skin was as pale and flawless as his, her hair was thick and shiny, in the darkest ebony he had ever seen. But there was something wrong.

The females that he had taken into his castle before, either shivered in fear, tried to smile at him seductively, or looked at him with infatuated eyes. But Kagome did neither of this. She continued to stare at the futon, as if he was nothing compared to that lifeless object.

"Kagome."

Her head hung lower. His voice was very low, very smooth, and very cold. How fitting for a youkai. It was nothing compared to her Miroku's. His voice was light, bubbling with joy, and very warm. She wished that it was Miroku who was sitting in front of her, not this disgusting youkai that frightened the wits out of her family and fellow villagers.

"Look at me," Sesshoumaru commanded.

Kagome bit her tongue; she never wanted to set her eyes on his face. But she had to, since he was now her lord. She belonged to him, technically and was subjected to his desires and whims from now on. She lifted her head slowly, and focused on his mouth. He had a small mouth, thin pale lips, and a sharp long chin.

"At my eyes," Sesshoumaru was beginning to feel a little irritated. Was she disgusted at him?

She let out a breath slowly through her nostrils. He was playing with her, because he knew what was going through her mind. Perhaps she would be killed tonight, for her impudence and stubborness.

Kagome allowed her eyes to travel up, and tried hard not to gasp. The youkai was indeed handsome. No, he was beautiful. She had never seen such striking golden eyes, and the rawness, ferocity and unbridled passion that showed in his irises. His eyelids were lined deep red, his black lashes were thick and long, and there was a dark blue crescent moon in the middle of his forehead. She wondered to herself whether that was a birthmark of his youkai lineage, and tried hard to think of Miroku and his warm, violet-irises as she averted her gaze to his long shiny, silver hair.

Sesshoumaru smiled a little at his bride. Her eyes had widened just a little at his face, and he knew that it would not be long, before she would succumb to him. She is young, he told himself and assured himself that she would fall in love with him soon. He cherished her youth, valued her rebellious defiant spirit, and did not want her without it. He would give her sometime, since he had loads of it.

"This is your room, you will sleep here in future," Sesshoumaru caressed her pink cheek; she flinched a little at the contact.

He got to his feet, and turned to walk away when Kagome spoke. Her voice was soft, so soft that it reminded him of the fur of new-born pups that he stopped in his tracks.

"My Lord, I would like to bring my maid in. Her name is Sango," Kagome tried to keep her voice as steady as possible.

His black eyebrow arched up in surprise; was Kagome afraid that she would lose her sanity?

"I will make the necessary arrangements," Sesshoumaru consented and walked out of the room, without even looking over his shoulder.

Kagome let out a breath of relief. Sesshoumaru had agreed.

She stared at the white spot on the futon for a long while, and wondered when it would be stained red.

"Kagome-sama," Sango followed behind her mistress dutifully.

"Hmm?" Kagome smiled a little at the fresh air. It had been three months since she had married the youkai lord. And he had not touched her, although she sometimes wondered why. The puzzling thing was that he had even allowed her to roam his castle and the gardens freely, while two of his youkai guards kept watch on her.

"What does the Lord ask of you at night?" Sango could not help but to wonder at the peace that they found in his castle. It was indeed an irony, considering the rumours that she had heard when she went to the town for marketing.

She knelt down and fingered the petals of a wild camelia, "nothing."

Sango's eyes rounded, "nothing?"

"Hn. Sometimes he asks me to play the flute for him, or recite a poem. Most of the times, he'll ask me to go to his room and he'll do his paperwork silently," Kagome answered honestly. There were no secrets hidden between her and Sango.

Sango's black eyes narrowed; did the youkai lord not ask anything else from her? It was impossible, she told herself. She could cries of passion every night whenever she retreated to her servant quarters. It seemed to her the youkai lord was an insatiable beast who asked for women every day. How could he be so gentle with her Kagome-sama?

"Kagome-sama, do you like him?" Sango asked worriedly and looked at the two youkai guards who were fixing them with their lascivicious looks. Surely she could not be wrong. Youkai were not human; they were rough, heartless and cruel beings with no souls.

Her deep brown irises narrowed, and she thought of Miroku. His violet irises, his warm smile, and the moments they spent together. She no longer detested Sesshoumaru, but neither did she love him.

"Iie, I can never love him."

Sango let out a long breath of relief, held on to her mistress's arm tightly and glared at the youkai guards.

"Kagome-sama, let's return to your room." She did not feel comfortable as long as the youkai continued to follow them. They were afterall, nothing but beasts.

Sesshoumaru took a peek at his untouched bride from his paperwork. Kagome was as usual, reading from a bamboo-scroll silently. He felt a little jealous at the attention and concentration she paid to the inanimate object. Six months had flown by, surely she would be more open to him. He intended to make Kagome as the head of his household, once she succumbed to him. He had curbed his carnal desires for her with other concubines that he had within his castle. But still, there was a longing deep within his heart. For her acceptance, for her love, for her admiration. For her laugh, he thought to himself wryly.

He stood up from the low table, and the sudden action warranted a quick glance from his bride.

"Kagome, accompany me to the gardens," today had been a long day. He needed a break.

Her deep brown irises widened; this was the first time he had demanded her company out from their rooms.

She placed the bamboo-scroll back into the shelves, and nodded obediently. "Hai, my Lord."

Without another word, Sesshoumaru strode to his private garden, while Kagome struggled to keep up with him through the clumsy heavy kimonos and her wooden sandals. When he finally stopped, she realized that he was standing in front of a plum tree, which was covered with fully-opened blossoms.

Her lips parted at the beautiful sight before her. The plum blossoms were gorgeous, all decked in white and light pinks while red adorned the center of it. She remembered, that Miroku had asked her to watch the plum blossoms with him last year.

"Kagome," Sesshoumaru tucked a plum blossom into her hair, and she froze at the physical proximity. It had been a long time since he had ever came so near to her on their wedding night, and her heart beat as hard as never before.

He grinned to himself a little at her blushing cheeks, and thought she looked more alluring and angelic than she ever had. Under the plum tree, while weak shafts of moonlight shone on her face, she seemed to glow a little. He allowed his finger to drop down to her cheeks, and he could feel the heat on her skin as his cool thumb rubbed sensually over it.

"You look beautiful," he lowered his face and whispered to her ear.

Kagome trembled, not knowing whether it was out of fear, or from something else. Her heart was beating so hard and fast that she was afraid it would jump out from her chest, and Sesshoumaru's long silver hair tickled what little of her exposed neck. He smelt nice too, of rivers and trees and... rain, she thought to herself.

Sesshoumaru could hear her fluttering heartbeats, could sense her slight shivering and could smell the sweet faint scent that enveloped her everytime. The scent of purity, youth and untouched innocence, that he so wanted to spike his scent with.

But he merely placed his dry lips over her forehead, and said nothing more as he wrapped his long arms over his untouched wife.

And she did nothing while she stood motionlessly in his warm firm embrace, and thought that her heart had betrayed her.

"Kagome," Sesshoumaru called out.

She looked up, her doe-like eyes looking curiously at her handsome Lord. "Hai."

"Let me see," his eyes darted to the rice paper that she was holding in her hand.

She bit on her lower lip, perhaps she should not draw in his presence the next time. "Hai."

When she handed her drawing to him, he paused for a while, and laughed.

Kagome thought that his laughter was very warm and rumbling, despite his cold voice. It sounded like rivers rushing and winding down the slopes of a tall mountain.

"Perhaps it is unfinished," his golden eyes twinkled at her, while he handed the piece back to her. Kagome had drawn an image of the plum tree that he had brought her a fortnight ago. Not very well-depicted, but because it was drawn by her, he thought it brilliant.

Kagome could not help, but to smile a little. Yes, perhaps it was not yet finished.

Sesshoumaru congratulated himself inwardly; he had finally caught her smile.

Sesshoumaru opened his eyes; he could feel her presence behind him, which was a rarity since she seldom came to him. He turned from the opened window, and fixed her with his usual cold glare. But she did not move and her head was lowered. He saw a piece of folded paper in her outstretched hands and took it.

When he opened it, his golden eyes rounded. Kagome had drawn him and herself standing under the plum blossom tree. He was not quite as tall in the drawing, while she was a little thinner in real life. Nevertheless, this was a breakthrough and his heart warmed. The figures in the drawing were a little apart, and he thought to himself perhaps he would be able to close the distance tonight.

"I am taller than this, you know," his clawed finger pointed to himself in her drawing.

And suddenly, he heard her laugh. It was soft initially, but grew louder and eventually muffled as she covered her mouth. His heart took a leap, he had made her laugh! It was as if all the ice outside of her had cracked and melted.

Wordlessly, he pulled Kagome to his chest and wrapped his arms around her small fragile shoulders.

She closed her eyes as she hugged him back, while the drawing fluttered noiselessly to the ground.

"Kagome-sama?" Sango's eyebrows were arched up in surprise as her mistress hummed to herself. She had never seen her in such a good mood as before.

"Hm?" Kagome smiled and threw more bread into the koi pond which Sesshoumaru had constructed it especially for her.

Her black eyes narrowed warily, had her mistress been deceived by the youkai lord? Was she besotted with him?

"Miroku-sama has been enquiring about you."

Kagome froze; she had forgotten entirely about Miroku for these few months. Was it that easy to forget someone? Or did she not love him anymore? She was aghast at herself, and took a step back from the koi pond.

Sango continued, "he's trying to get you out. We are thinking of a plan to get you out Kagome-sama!"

She turned around and covered Sango's mouth, for fear that the youkai guards would catch wind of what she had said. "Sango!" she shook her head hard.

But her maid frowned and when Kagome removed her hand, she continued in a softer tone, "Miroku-sama thinks of you day and night. He cannot sleep well, nor eat well. He's very thin now."

Kagome's eyes widened. Miroku still thought of her! Miroku missed her! And she? What was she doing?

"Kagome-sama, do you still love Miroku-sama?" Sango asked cautiously.

She bit on her lower lip, she was not sure anymore. All she ever looked forward to now were the nights she could spend in silence with Sesshoumaru.

"Sango, I'm already married. There's nothing we can do," Kagome tried to dissuade her maid, from whatever plan she was concocting in her brain.

Sango held both her mistress's hands tightly and frowned, "Kagome-sama! Don't despair; don't let him take away your soul! I will find a way!"

Kagome could only look at her maid, and hoped that she would not do anything stupid to endanger her life. She wanted to tell her that she did not mind it anymore, and Sesshoumaru treated her well. But what could she say? Sango would not understand.

Yes, she would not understand, because she did not see the side of Sesshoumaru that she saw.

"Sango!" Miroku cried out and gestured to her. "Kochi!"

Sango nodded her head; her eyes darted around to make sure that no one was following her, and instantly scrambled towards the pastry-chef.

"How is Kagome? Is she fine? What did she say?" Miroku asked worriedly. He was so afraid for his little Kagome, and was glad that she had not been ravished by the youkai lord yet. He wanted her to himself, and no other person would come in between them.

Sango put a finger to her lips, "ssshh! People might hear us! Kagome-sama is fine." She bit on her lower lip, she would not tell him that she looked rather happy too. It would break Miroku's heart, and that in turn would break her own heart too.

The young chef let out a sigh of relief, and his violet eyes smiled. "Yokatta..."

Sango smiled, oh how she wished she could be in Kagome-sama's shoes! To be loved, admired, and cherished so much by Miroku! She longed to finger his tiny little pony-tail, it was so adorable, and she wondered why Kagome-sama never mentioned it.

"Miroku-kun, here is my plan...."

Kagome squealed inwardly, she had not stepped out from the castle for so long that she had almost forgotten how it was like to stand in the midst of thick unhabitated woods while wild sparrows sang out melodiously. She could even hear the distant echoes of streams flowing through the woods, and it reminded her of her youkai lord.

"Arigatou my Lord!" Kagome turned around and bowed deeply.

Sesshoumaru arched his eyebrow up at her heartfelt thanks. Was she so easily contented?

He walked towards her and took out the ivory stick that held her hair in a bun. Kagome let out a stifled gasp as her raven tresses tumbled out, long and loose against her back.

Sesshoumaru ran his fingers through her hair, inwardly reveling in its smoothness and softness and rested his hands behind his back. She belonged to the nature, to the wild, to the heavens. Like a free sparrow.

"Go, do whatever you want. Run, skip, dance. I will not interfere."

Her eyes rounded in confusion for a while. But nevertheless, she took advantage of this moment of freedom, and let herself go.

As he watched Kagome skip through the woods, run around trees, and how her bare toes would twirl around the wild flowers, he felt glad that he had brought her out today. She was like a gentle breeze of wind, brought into his life for sanity, relief and joy.

"Ah!"

He shook himself out from the trance and dashed to her. With speed that she had never imagined any man capable of, Sesshoumaru was right in front of her in a second and looking down at her right bleeding ankle.

"Careless," he merely said while he carried her to the nearest stream. Kagome tried not to wince and grabbed onto his haori when he dipped her bare feet into the cold waters. He was right; she should have noticed the thorns.

Before she knew it, Sesshoumaru had sat her down at the base of a tree, and was bandaging her right ankle with a strip of fabric that he had tore out from his sleeve. Kagome smiled to herself, at the tenderness that her youkai lord was showing her. He had even torn his sleeve to bandage her ankle! She could not help but to feel bare and naked, while his fingers tied a knot firmly on her exposed ankle.

When Sesshoumaru looked up, she realized that her hands were still on his shoulders and immediately retracted them back. She wanted to look away from his eyes, but found that she could not. His face was getting nearer, and she could feel her cheeks getting hot and her breath quickening.

"Kagome..."

His husky whisper sent shivers down her spine and her skin tingled. Her eyes closed involuntarily when he placed his lips over hers.

Yes, he smelt of trees. Tall, thick, strong trees came into her mind.

And they made love under that beech tree.

"Do you hate youkai?" Sesshoumaru asked her as Kagome rested in the cradle of his arms.

She thought for a while, and shook her head. She used to, but no longer since one youkai had dominated her heart. "Do you hate ningen?"

He ran his fingers through her hair slowly, and answered, "aa."

She frowned, "doushite?"

He smiled a little, "but not you, my little sparrow."

"Tell me," she persisted.

He paused for a while, "ningens are cruel, foolish and selfish."

Kagome pursed her lips, he was right in a way too. "But, isn't youkai the same too?"

Sesshoumaru dipped his nose into her head, "and you are right in a way too. But we are not like that with our blood-kins. I will never use my own daughter."

Her eyelids drooped. He was right. Her people had fought and argued among themselves, daimyou had destroyed villagers, took women and killed children while plundering the wealth of towns. Parents sold their children away for food, husbands sold wives to brothels for money and sake, and children, children were the only innocent ones.

"You won't see any of these, I promise you," he kissed her eyes.

But he was wrong. The next day, Kagome thought that she would go crazy when she saw Sango being brutally raped by his youkai guards. And she screamed. His little sparrow screamed as never before.

"Kagome, they are dead, she is fine," Sesshoumaru tried to comfort his wife, who was shaking so hard in his arms. But no matter what he said, Kagome could not calm down and all she could see was the unconscious Sango lying on the floor, all wounded and bloodied.

Sesshoumaru frowned. His little sparrow was so traumatized that he felt a smidgen of fear, something that he had almost forgotten until now.

And so, he began to hum. The same melody that his haha-ue had sung to him when he woke up from nightmares.

The trembling stopped, and he was glad when she fell asleep.

"Sango, daijoubu desu ka?" Kagome asked, concern evident in her eyes.

But her maid merely nodded her head and handed her a tray of pastries, "Miroku-sama had prepared these for you and the lord."

Kagome absentmindedly took note of the colourful tarts and nodded her head.

"Kagome-sama, please drink this ginseng tea. I have prepared this especially for you," Sango eyed the tea-cup cautiously while her mistress downed it without any complaints.

"Please rest, Sango. I will bring these to him," Kagome frowned a little and held her cold hand. Sango was so aloof now, and her eyes were so full of anger and hatred that it scared her. Perhaps she should not have brought her into the castle.

She nodded again, "Kagome-sama, rest assured that I will always be on your side."

"He will die, but you wont."

Kagome stared at her lord as porcelain and china smashed against the floor. Red tinged his eyes, and she was frightened. Whatever had happened?!

Sesshoumaru glared at his wife, as his heart muscles begin to seize. "Why did you poison me?!"

Her lips parted. It could not be. She had eaten the cakes too. Unless...

She remembered the ginseng tea that she had drunk. And suddenly she felt weak all over, especially her legs. What had Sango done?!

"Sesshoumaru! It's not me! Oh my..." Kagome clapped her hands over her mouth as her youkai lord staggered out of the room wildly. Kagome hitched up her kimono and followed him out to the open, where she found him lying face down on the grassy ground.

"Sesshoumaru!" Kagome fell to her knees and turned him over, his breathing was faint and his eyebrows were creased together in a deep painful frown. Raindrops started to fall, and her vision blurred when she heard his voice.

"Naze... I loved you.. so much..." All she could see in his eyes was the pain of betrayal and deep hurt.

She cried hard, and apologized as she hugged his head tightly to her bosom, "gomen ne! Gomen ne my love!"

When he stopped struggling, Kagome thought that her heart was truly dead. She would not survive, for he had taken her soul with him.

She sat on the grass for a long while, while rain continued to soak through her kimono. Yes, the rain reminded her of him too. He smelt of rain, thunderstorms, lightning and hard merciless winds. After what seemed like a long while, she pulled away and kissed his bluish lips.

Kagome laid him down, put his left arm on his abdomen while she rested her head on his right arm.

"I'm coming."

She drew Toukijin from his obi, and plunged the tip through her dead heart.

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A/N: Another plot bunny popped into my mind when I was listening to Sesshoumaru character single (Gou, by Narita Ken who is the seiyuu for Sesshoumaru-sama in the anime). I tried to write a love that was never meant to be (between a demon and a human) in the feudal era. I hope I've succeeded a little...? ;)