The Door by Pseudomonas

The Door.

Glossary:

itai - ouch/hurt/pain

daijoubu desu ka - are you alright?

nanda - what?

hidoi - terrible

betsu ni - nothing much

suman - sorry (masculine)

doushimashitaka - what happened?

mou - argh!

doushite - why

yokatta - (im relieved)

ara - hey!

uso ja nai - don't joke!

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The door.

That was how they met, seven years ago.

She wanted to enter.

He wanted to exit.

"Itai!" She fell on her butt, because the door swung out to her in such a rush. She thought she could hear birds chirping and raised a hand to her forehead.

He stared at the girl who sat on the floor with her legs splayed out ugly, his hand still on the rusty doorknob. A fierce look of anger was on his face, but he did not say anything and left in a hurry.

Before Kagome could identify who the bastard was, he was already gone. She was sure that it was a 'he' since she saw his dark blue legpants and his pristine white suede shoes.

"Kagome! Daijoubu desu ka?!" Ayumi rushed up the corridor and helped her up.

She fingered the spot while she frowned and cursed herself for not keeping her head up. There would be an ugly bruise on her forehead; in fact, she could even feel the spot swelling now. She hissed in anger and clucked her tongue, vowing to herself that she would take revenge on the offender who did not even bother to apologize. She was a girl, for goodness's sake! And girls were supposed to look pretty and demure. Upon that thought, she instantly dusted the dust off her skirt and straightened her white shirt.

"Kagome, you are late," Kikyou scowled at her while she leaned against the door-frame.

She rolled her eyes, luck was not with her today. She took a quick glance at her watch.

"I am only one minute late, and this is because some jerk knocked me down and I needed time to let my brain recover. I don't suppose you can bear the consequences if I suffer from a concussion."

"Apparently you do not have one if you can stand there and waste more time. The meeting would start soon," the President of Sewing Club turned on her feet, gave a swish of her long pony-tail and disappeared.

Kagome stuck her tongue out, while Ayumi giggled.

They met again by the door the next day.

Her hand was on the doorknob, all ready to go in and start on the patchwork project that the Sewing Club was preparing to participate in Japan's National Patchwork-Love for Handicapped Children.

His hand was instantly right in front of her, barring her entry.

She looked up and turned her face to the right.

He stared down at her and tried hard not to laugh at the blue-black bruise in the middle of her forehead. The bulging swell looked rather soft too, and he wondered whether there would be a ring if he pressed on it.

Her eyes narrowed warily at the lanky stranger. She avoided boys, because they were stupid.

"Nanda?"

His eyes widened at her rude tone, and he thought that he should not have bothered to come. He hunched his head forward until their faces were at eye-level and stared at the bruise.

"Hidoi, that must have hurt," he smirked.

Without a word, Kagome pushed him back with one hand and stepped back, all ready to whip out the scissors from her sewing kit that was in her bag. She knew that boys were irritating too, and had toughened herself up in order to deal with the silly insults that she faced everyday from her male classmates.

"What's that for?" she put her hand into the pockets of her big yellow backpack, searching frantically for the sharp scissors that her mom gave it to her.

Sesshoumaru slipped his hands lazily into his pocket and shrugged his shoulders, "betsu ni." He took a quick glance over her, and thought that she looked pretty adorable even though her face was as black as a thundercloud.

She scowled; the scissors was not in the pocket! Perhaps it was in the other one? She jabbed her hand into the other pocket, but it was not there too.

He grinned; she looked possibly endearing when she scowled. Why had he not noticed her before? He could not remember seeing her around in school. But then again he never hung around in school much, since he knew more than what the teachers taught.

"Oww!" Kagome dropped her monstrous yellow bag to the floor and pulled her hand out. It was covered in blood.

His eyes rounded, what had the foolish girl done to herself again? Was she always this clumsy and injury-prone?!

Sesshoumaru rushed forward and whipped out his personal handkerchief, wrapping it around her small right hand. He did not like to see blood, it unnerved him.

Kagome's lips parted when her hand was suddenly swathed in a large white hanky. He was absolutely tender with her uninjured fingers.

"Are you stupid or what? You think you are King Kong is it?" He scolded her.

Her right eyebrow quirked up, he was not tender, at all. "It's all your fault."

His eyebrows arched up in surprise, his fault? Perhaps it was. He realized that it was no point arguing with girls, because they could not understand his logic and neither did they listen to Reason. His ex-girlfriend was one example.

He opened the door to the Sewing Club, "come, you need to wash the wounds."

She frowned, "how do you know that there's a washbasin inside the club?"

He paused for a while, while his hand held hers gently. "Er..."

Her deep brown eyes rounded. What was a boy doing in the Sewing Club? Unless...

"Sou ka! It was you! You knocked me down yesterday!!!"

He tried to look away, but could not. She was pinning him with her venomous glare.

"It was an accident! How would I know that you are there?! You should have been more careful."

She thought the veins in her eyes might burst. "You didn't even apologize to me you jerk!"

"What is going on here?"

Both turned their faces to Kikyou, who was staring at their held hands.

He dropped her hand and walked away as if nothing had happened.

She bit the insides of her cheek and sauntered into the club angrily.

"Nanda?" Kagome folded her arms and leaned against the wall. She promised herself that she would kick him in the groin if he ever came near her. Souta had taught her that trick, after she had conveyed her distressed situation to her otouto.

The corners of his mouth twitched. Was this insolent girl ever so rude? Did she not have any manners at all? He sighed silently; surely he could not fault her since it was he who had caused her injuries. He had pondered over the matter carefully for three days and decided that he did owe her an apology.

"Suman," he hung his head a little.

Her eyes rounded. He did not seem like one who was capable of apologizing. Especially handsome pretty boys who thought the world of themselves. He was obviously a very proud person too, since he could not even make a full bow.

She took out the washed hanky carefully from her pocket and stretched out her good left hand. She even got Souta to iron it for her, since it was made of silk and looked rather expensive. "You owe me one."

He smiled a little, and she thought her heart fluttered, just that bit.

"Okay."

She rested her right bandaged hand on the stone table, and propped her chin on the left while she watched him do her homework. He never seemed to stop, just that occassional pauses when he needed to rest. It seemed to her that he was not only good-looking, but had brains too. She asked him why he bothered to attend school, since he was obviously a genius. He merely said that it was his father's wish, to go through the normal stages that others did.

"I can't believe it, you have so much homework?!" He buried his face into the pages of her notebook.

Kagome smirked and nodded her head, "just do it. You injured my writing hand you know. No complaints."

Sesshoumaru groaned and turned to her, with the other side of his face pressed against her book. "I wish you are left-handed like me. This is not fair."

She swallowed and hoped that her heart would stop beating so madly. Sesshoumaru looked like a little pouty boy who was not allowed christmas gifts with his mouth down-turned like that. A lock of his silver bang covered his light-hazel eyes, and she brushed it away with her left thumb.

His eyes widened for that split second, and Kagome realized that she had touched a guy! And it was him!

She immediately regained her composure and turned her face away, "you still need to sew my piece of patch-work you know."

He moaned and thought that his left fingers might bleed too from over-usage and over-exertion.

He opened the door for her, even though he knew that she could do it with her good left hand.

She stepped into her classroom and scrunched her button-nose at him, even though she was happy.

They could hear cries of 'ooohh's and 'aaahh's, and from that day onwards, she unknowingly became Kikyou's love rival.

"It's all your fault," Kagome frowned as she sat down angrily, ignoring the hushed whispers and curious glances that her schoolmates were throwing at them.

"Huh?" He looked at her pile of homework and groaned silently. He did not remember having so much homework when he was in her year.

"I said it's all your fault!" Kagome wanted to cry. The peer pressure was killing her.

His shoulders stiffened. She sounded as if she might cry. And he hated that.

"Doushimashitaka?" He enquired softly, hoping that he would not see her tears.

"Why didn't you tell me that you are Kikyou's boyfriend?! And now she's giving me crap! I have to complete half of the patch-work, and I can't say anything since she's the President!" Kagome crashed her forehead onto her folded arms.

Sesshoumaru let out a breath of relief. So it was that.

He rested his right hand on her shoulders, and Kagome flinched a little.

"Then why don't we just become a couple then? Since that's what they are saying?"

She jerked her teary face up, was he joking with her?

He took out his white handkerchief, and wiped away her tears.

"Kagome, that's what they are speculating right? So let's just do it, then they won't talk."

She frowned, this must be a dream.

He tried to smooth out the crease in her eyebrows and grinned, "don't you like me?"

She pulled away, her frown remained, "uso ja nai!"

This time round, it was his turn to frown.

"Why do you believe them? Kikyou is no longer my girlfriend. We broke up the day I gave you that bruise."

"So?" Kagome looked at him warily, somehow she had to. He was too glib for her.

"So? I like you, you like me. So, we get together!" He was starting to feel frustrated. Was there no mutual trust between them?

They stared at each other for a long time, until he decided to give in. He never had to, but this time round he had to make an exception, because it was Kagome.

"Be my girlfriend, and shut up."

The door.

That was where they held hands again, three years ago.

She wanted to enter.

He wanted to leave.

"Sesshoumaru," Kagome was beginning to feel frustrated.

"Kagome," he pleaded.

"Mou! You've been coughing the whole night and I can't sleep! Get in!" Kagome kicked the doors open and stepped into the clinic. She could not understand why an adult like him was afraid of doctors, pills and needles.

He gave her a defeated look and followed her in. "I'm sure the doctor will tell me that I'm alright."

"Aa aa! You and your computer games! For goodness sake, you are an adult already! Don't be so obsessed with them! Staying up the whole night just to win that stupid game..." Kagome frowned and went to the counter to register for him.

Sesshoumaru grinned and sank onto the cushion, while trying to restrain his cough. Somehow, his throat was really itchy these few weeks. When Kagome sat beside him, he held her hands and gave her a silly wide-puppy like smile, "I'm equally as obsessed with you as my games you know, don't frown."

But she continued to, because she knew that it was not the late nights. Something did not feel quite right. Sesshoumaru was abnormally active and healthy and she had seldom seen him fall sick, other than the rare influenza that everyone got during the rainy season.

"No more computer games," she pinched his cheeks.

The door.

That was when her heart broke, when she stood outside the doctor's consultation office two years ago.

She could not go in.

For he did not allow.

"Kagome!" Sesshoumaru strode out from the office and smiled brilliantly at her. She hated that smile of his; it melted her insides and made her want to pounce onto him like a teddybear. Even though this time round, she felt entirely different.

She smiled sweetly, despite the storm that raged within her, "how was it?"

"Ah! Betsu ni, he said that my lungs were a bit weak, that's all!" Sesshoumaru filtered the doctor's words expertly.

Kagome could not help but to feel a little sad. He did not want her to know.

Sesshoumaru kissed her eyes, "don't frown. I like to see you smile. I'm fine, really."

She willed herself not to cry, and hoped for the best. She believed in him; no matter what he said, no matter how she protested outwardly. He was her God, and therefore she had absolute faith and trust in him.

The door.

That was when she teared uncontrollably as she stared at the red-lighted sign a year ago.

He was inside, under emergency rescue.

She was outside, helpless and lost.

She knew that she should have been more careful. They should not have gone to the beach. But he had complained that he had not seen the sunset for very long. Still, it was fall. The weather was cold. Did she not have common sense?!

Kagome berated herself, over and over again. She would never be able to forgive herself, if he could not make it out of the room. She wanted to hear him joke, to see his silly grins, to rest her head against his firm lean chest, and to smell the scent of soap on his body.

If only he could assure her that he was alright again. She wanted to hear that desperately, from his own mouth. It did not matter whether it was the truth or not.

The red-light flicked off.

She stood up. After a while, they wheeled him out. Thank God, he was alright.

When the doctor sat down with her, her heart was as heavy as it could be. The doctor's words pierced straight through her heart, and she felt very cold and numb. It was as if she was in a sound-proof room, and the rest of his words were drowned out.

All she could hear were two words.

Lung cancer. Terminal stage.

The door.

That was when they smiled happily at each other, nine months ago.

He was outside her house, holding a big bouquet of her favourite stargazer lilies. In white speckled with pink too.

She was dressed in a white silk gown, courtesy of his mother.

Sesshoumaru stepped in, kissed her on the lips, pulled away and coughed.

Kagome took out his white silk handkerchief, and wiped the lipstick off his mouth.

"We are getting married today!" There were beads of perspiration on his forehead, and his cheeks were unusually pale.

She closed her eyes and smiled widely, for fear that her mascara might streak.

He held her hand, coughed hard into the tissue with another, and continued.

"You are mine, from today onwards!"

She gave him another piece of tissue, and tightened her gloved hand over his cold one.

"You owe me this!"

The door.

That was when they both felt a sensation of pride and contentment together.

He held the key.

She held his clammy hand.

"Our house!" Sesshoumaru tried to shout, but could not.

Kagome knew that he was tired, and took over the key. "I want to be the first!"

That night, all they ever did was to look at each other on the bed. No kissing, no cuddling, no hugs; just their hands tightly wrapped in each other. He coughed badly and she had to empty the waste basket three times in the night. But she did not mind.

"Kagome, you are my wife now," he smiled sleepily.

"Baka, go to sleep," she wiped the trail of phlegm off his mouth and frowned.

"Don't frown, I prefer you to smile..." his beautiful light-hazel eyes were closing.

"Don't talk," she knew he felt awful. His lungs were filled with water, and she knew that he found it hard to breathe.

"Kagome... I love you..." Sesshoumaru frowned, coughed and tried to breathe through his opened mouth.

Her eyes teared, but she made no sound.

"Hn, me too."

The door.

That was when she felt incredibly scared, three months ago.

He was inside that horrible room again.

And she was outside of it, as usual.

She wished that she had bionic eyes; to see beyond that plastic door, to catch a glimpse of his face, or his silver hair.

When the red light switched off, she fingered her ring nervously. Would he survive? Would she become a widow?

The doctor stepped out, and smiled at her. "Mrs Sesshoumaru?"

She thought that a doctor's smile was the most important thing in her life now. "Hai."

"He survived again! It's incredible. But, I cannot say the same if there's a next time. He almost... died."

Kagome felt as if her life had seeped away with his words. Her God could not die. Her God was immortal.

The door.

That was when she held his hand inside the room, a month ago.

He was lying on the hospital bed, with two long tubes connected to his chest. Reddish fluid was continuously being pumped out from his water-logged lungs into a transparent container that was on the tiled floor.

She sat beside him, held his hand and laid her head beside him on the pillow.

"I'm sharing your pillow," she whispered to him.

Sesshoumaru's eyelashes fluttered, "hnn...."

She could not bear to look at him, for it was only his beautiful skin wrapped over his bones. His face was pale, too white and pale. So were his lips. They felt cold, like his hands.

She weaved her right fingers through his left hand, "our writing hands. Do you remember?"

He nodded his head weakly. How could he forget? He could still recall the ache in his left hand, when he tried to finish her stupid patch-work project. It took him several sleepless nights and many, many unnecessary needle pricks.

"And you put the ring on my right hand! People were laughing you know," she continued.

He let out a soundless chuckle, why should they follow tradition?

"I've got no homework for you to do now," she frowned a bit.

He caught her frown, and frowned too. "Don't..."

Kagome sat up right, "doushite? Do I really look prettier when I do not frown?"

Sesshoumaru's eyes smiled silently at her watery brown ones.

She put her head back onto his pillow, and thought that if he could, he would smooth out her eyebrows.

"Okay. Just for this once."

The door.

That was when their lips touched each other for the last time, a week ago.

He was sitting up, looking very energetic and smiling continuously.

She was filled with hope. Perhaps he would recover. He was her God! And God does not die.

"Kagome my wife!" His voice was weak and a little hoarse. Nevertheless, it was the loveliest sound that she had ever heard, and she would not forget.

"Sesshoumaru my husband! Not tired today?" She returned a hopeful smile.

He shook his head, "nope! I don't know why... but I feel incredibly light today."

She kissed his gaunt pale cheek, "yokatta!"

He held her warm hand, as tightly as he could. "I'm so glad that I married you."

She chided herself mentally when her vision blurred again, "why? Why did you do it?"

Sesshoumaru kissed her tears, and she realized that he did not cough today.

"You wanted to marry me, isn't it?"

Kagome was speechless.

"I wanted to marry you, so I did. And I'm the luckiest, luckiest man in this whole world."

She could not help but to cry on his bony shoulders. He patted her back and smiled, "I know you will not be happy if you are not married to me. Do you regret it?"

She shook her head, "jerk."

He laughed, and she thought it sounded like echoes reverbrating within a big deep brass urn. "Aa, I am such a jerk. Ara! Look at that sunset!"

She pulled away and looked out of the opened window. The sunset was not great, but somehow she thought that it was the most beautiful one she had ever watched, as she held the hands of her beloved.

"Somewhere beyond that sunset, there is a door waiting for me."

He paused for a while, and leaned his head on hers, "I will wait for you at that door. So don't miss me."

The door.

She stood outside of their house, alone.

Kagome turned around and there before her eyes, the big orange yolk-like sun was dipping behind the skyscrapers.

She smiled bitterly to herself. She would not miss him, because he would wait for her. Soon, soon she would join him. Time was not an obstacle between them. It never was. He was her God, immortalized within her heart.

She locked the door. And she thought she felt him smile behind her. That wide puppy-like smile.

"Ikiru no wa kurushii no onaji kurai suteki na no

Ima o koete koko o koete

Mata waratte misete

Though going on is painful, that same sadness is wonderful

passing by today, passing by here

To see your smile again"

- Lyrics from "Sorairo", by Ritsuko Okazaki. (Fruits Basket closing song)

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A/N: I was listening to the above song while I wrote this one-shot. It is incredibly sad.