Flowers On The Moon by Trouble In Shangri-La

Chapter One

Sit on back and prepare yourself, this fic is pretty

long. Tissues may come in handy for this, I know writing it made me sniffle.

Warnings: Violence, a little gore and some bad language.

Song lyrics: Dante's Prayer by Loreena McKennitt.

Echoes of Naraku's dying explosion still resounded throughout the torn

battlefield. Bodies, both unconscious and dead lay scattered for miles.

Smoke shrouded the stars. The world was freed.

But at what price?

One form rose to sit amidst the destruction. A figure clad in white

and red with a waterfall of silver hair cascading down his back. His clothes

were stained with free-flowing blood that welled through a gash in his

armor and pooled around him. Emotionless eyes like molten gold stared blankly

ahead. He stretched out a delicate, clawed hand to touch the ground in

front of him. Feeling his way forward until his fingers closed around a

large scrap of yellow and orange fabric. Pulling it to his nose, he inhaled

the scent of the only thing in life that ever made him happy.

His one happiness, and he destroyed it. The images were still there,

fresh in his mind.

He'd been separated from the others. Surrounded by tentacles and

miasma, he sought the only safe direction - up. So up he leapt with all

his power and grace. Landing several yards away, he grasped the hilt of

his Toukijin and narrowed his eyes up at the offending demons. He saw an

opening to strike.

And then...

"Lord Sesshoumaru! Rin is frightened! Help Rin!"

Sesshoumaru glanced at the little dark-haired girl through the corner

of his eye. Her tear-stained face saddened him, though his expression didn't

show it. "Rin, you shouldn't be here."

The tiny human didn't reply. Her familiar shape began to deform and

morph, growing discolored and bulbous as she transformed. Sesshoumaru's

eyes narrowed slightly. So, Naraku was trying to fool him by making a demon

imitate little Rin. He had another thing coming.

Unsheathing Toukijin, Sesshoumaru sprang forward. He slashed down

at the demon with practiced grace. Once, twice...several times. Chopping

it gracefully into bloody pieces before he even finished his ascent. His

figure did a perfect front flip to land on the demon's other side.

A cry sounded in the distance. The miko and his half-breed whelp

of a brother. They were taking Naraku on directly.

Sesshoumaru felt himself smirk slightly. He turned to admire his

handiwork.

Toukijin crashed to the ground at Sesshoumaru's feet. A pinprick

of pain formed in his heart.

There was no demon. His eyes fell across the tattered remains of

a yellow and orange kimono and bits of black hair. Blood, her blood, was

splattered on his hakama.

Suddenly all sounds of the fight took a back seat in Sesshoumaru's

senses. He just stared, eyes blank, at the remains of the innocent little

girl he cared about. There wasn't even enough of a body left to revive

her.

His own weakness sickened him. He tried to tell himself he was better

off without her. That it was her own damn fault for getting in the way.

He turned his grief into anger, trying to make himself believe he

was only angry at being fooled so easily. That bastard Naraku had tricked

him. Tricked him into seeing a demon. Tricked him into killing one of the

only people he cared - no, almost cared - about.

"Did you like that?" Naraku's voice snarled in his ear.

Sesshoumaru faced the baboon skin-clad demon. Amber became ruby and

he held Toukijin high, slashing down at Naraku's throat.

The other demon blurred from view. Sesshoumaru narrowed his eyes.

Suddenly his senses were blasted with miasma. He couldn't move!

He saw Naraku's blade rushing forward. Light gleamed off its gilded

surface like a thousand suns. He could smell the poison on the edges. And

the demon lord was frozen. Utterly and completely. He appeared to just

stand there as the sword plunged into his midsection. His body arched with

pain-spasms. Vicious poison flooded his system like fire creeping through

his blood. Eyes burning, Sesshoumaru forced his face to remain emotionless

even as his vision began to blur and darken. He waited for Naraku to rip

the blade up through his torso and let him fall in two pieces. But no,

Naraku withdrew with agonizing slowness and Sesshoumaru watched his own

blood shimmer on the serrated metal.

"You die slow."

"And you die tonight." Sesshoumaru resisted a cough. The miasma around

him faded and he instantly struck out, ready to decapitate his foe, hyper

conscious of his blood soaking his clothes.

"I'm not the one who dies tonight." Naraku's image blurred and his

laughter faded. Toukijin only struck the flesh of another mindless demon,

spilling its blood onto his own. Just another illusion, the bastard.

The pain Sesshoumaru felt morphed into anger. He gracefully lifted

his hand to call forth his energy whip. One lash removed a dozen demon

tentacles. Naraku snarled and jumped backwards to dodge it.

And jumped right into the clutches of the miko and Inuyasha's attacks.

One shining purple arrow followed by the blast from a Wound of Wind.

Sesshoumaru sank to his knees, weak with blood loss, gold eyes fixed

on the bloody remains of Rin. He blinked his burning eyelids and shook

his head as if to clear it. His pupils spasmed shut. The last of his vision

faded to nothingness. He was blind. Blind and wounded. A fitting punishment

for letting his emotions make him weak. A fitting punishment for betraying

her. A fitting punishment...for feeling anything at all.

A deep abdominal twinge brought the demon lord back to the present.

The pain got worse. Soon the poison would leave him too weak to travel.

He needed to get away from there before then. Before anybody had a chance

to see him vulnerable for a second time.

Reaching out again, Sesshoumaru located Toukijin and used it to push

himself upright. Pain from his injuries made him bite his tongue. He slowly

attained a vertical base and began to limp forward, holding the sword out

in front of him as a guide. The blindness wasn't going to last. It was

just a temporary symptom, one that told him it was too late to cure himself.

Not even his trusty Tensaiga could help him now.

Sesshoumaru, the Lord of the Western Lands, was going to die.

The demon lord was sure he'd live just long enough for his sight to

partially return. And he wanted to witness one last sunrise in the safety

of the forest, just to spite Naraku.

Clear water ambled over stones and trickled gently beside the forest

path. The soothing song it sang drowned out all echoes of the final battle.

It was nice to see clear, clean water after so much horrid bloodshed.

A young woman gazed at her dark-haired reflection in the stream, pondering

whether or not to seek out her friends or wait for them to come to her.

She was sure they'd all touch base the forest and split up to look for

anyone who didn't return.

Her mind made up, Kagome plunged her hands into the stream for a much-needed

drink. She couldn't shake the image of what she saw on the battlefield.

Something went down with Sesshoumaru. He'd been fighting graceful as ever

when everything seemed to stop for him. Though Kagome didn't see how Rin

died, she saw the aftermath. The look that passed briefly over Sesshoumaru's

normally stoic face...he looked like a blade stabbed him long before it

actually happened.

Kagome wished she'd been able to stop him from suffering such a horrible

wound. But he opened Naraku to attack. She didn't have a choice and she'd

fired her arrows at the same time Inuyasha struck. The combined attacks

took Naraku down for good. And then there was the explosion - that was

all she remembered. When she woke up, Sesshoumaru was gone and she found

herself following the trail of blood he left behind.

Or she did until it simply vanished.

She closed her eyes and turned her thoughts elsewhere. I hope Inuyasha's

okay...if he doesn't show up by morning I'll go check the village. I

-

Her thoughts cut off when something swished past and red liquid polluted

the stream. She tasted a little. Blood. Fresh blood by the look of it.

She looked to the side and saw two more puddles ten feet away. A trail

leading across bushes and into the trees a short ways off.

That's Sesshoumaru's blood. The realization nearly stopped her

heart.

Sesshoumaru....the tall, silent, mysterious brother of Inuyasha. How

could one so beautiful do such evil, yet still care about a little human

girl? What happened on the battlefield? What was that look that passed

over his face?

Kagome hopped the stream and kept her eyes glued to the trail, her pack

slung safely over her shoulders. She pushed through the bushes and was

amazed to discover the blood trail wove in and out between the trees. Huge

puddles, not just little drops. God, how far can he go with a wound

like that?

The question answered itself when Kagome skirted past another tree to

see the sheen of immaculate silver hair swishing in and out of the starlight.

Sesshoumaru walked with a heavy limp, each step leaving behind another

little puddle of blood near his feet. He wove like a drunk on the path,

almost all grace gone from his gait. His normally flawless clothes were

dirty and torn. He favored his left leg a bit and kept scraping the blade

of his sword against the ground ahead of him. Sometimes he'd stop and kneel,

gasping, as crimson stained the ground around him. He managed to make it

ten more feet into the trees. Then his strength gave out and he melted

to his knees, holding his wounded abdomen.

Kagome stopped and covered her mouth with one hand. Her dark eyes welled

over. She watched the demon lord crawl towards the tree directly in front

of him. He collapsed facedown against the roots, unable to go any further.

Crimson liquid poured out of him and formed a small lake in the grass beneath

his tired body.

He needs help. Kagome assured herself. Even if he's evil...it's

still a life worth trying to save. Maybe he can change... She took

a breath and walked cautiously towards the fallen demon.

Sesshoumaru gave no response when the human female knelt down and studied

him closely. The blood loss left his skin as pale as a porcelain doll.

His hair fanned out over his back, falling around him and glittering in

the dim light. A few stray strands veiled his face like a fragile shroud

that formed filigree patterns on his cheek. Sweat plastered his bangs to

his brow, half-hiding the crescent moon adorning his forehead. His long,

girlish eyelashes were like delicate fringes on his striped cheekbones.

The starlight cast an eerie glow on the curve of his cheek and small, cracked

lips. Even in unconsciousness his effeminate face remained an emotionless

mask.

"Sesshoumaru?" Kagome whispered.

No response.

She placed her hand down by his lips and felt no air. A second later

she touched his throat and found no pulse.

Kagome swallowed and slowly rolled him onto his back. Sesshoumaru's

head lolled to the side and his silky hair pooled behind his shoulders.

His parted lips were turning blue. Blood continued to well up from the

crack in his armor and drip on the ground underneath him.

I can't believe I'm doing this, she thought as she pinched Sesshoumaru's

nostrils, tilted his head back to open his mouth and covered it with her

own. His lips were warm, soft and a bit rough from being so dry. She tasted

blood as she exhaled her breath down his throat. Then she positioned the

heel of one hand over his heart, settled the other above it and pressed

down.

One, two, three...breathe! Sesshoumaru was so well-built that

she had to use all her weight just to apply effective chest compressions.

Three compressions, one breath. Three more compressions. One more breath.

Suddenly his lips moved against hers and he made a startled noise in

his throat. Blushing, Kagome pulled herself away as he coughed and sputtered,

then assumed a proper breathing rhythm. She touched his throat again and

found a faint, but steady pulse.

"Why?" He asked weakly. His eyes rolled back before Kagome could answer

the question.

"I'm helping you and - " She noticed his face, "oh...out again."

Taking in another breath, Kagome slowly worked the armor off his torso,

shooting glances at his face for signs of him awakening again. The cloth

underneath the armor was completely blood soaked. It almost matched the

red patterns on his clothing. She parted the upper half of his kimono and

laid eyes on his sculpted body. A nice, strong chest, a washboard stomach....and

a horrid stab wound leaking blood and other body fluids from the left side

of his abdomen. The edges of the injury were swollen and purple. She cringed

when she realized she could actually see a shiny, pink loop of intestine

herniating through the wound.

God, Naraku really did a number on him. Kagome bit back the urge

to gag and started fishing around in her pack for bandages. He really

needs stitches, maybe even surgery. I can't do much but stop the bleeding

and hope he can heal, but can he survive this kind of injury?

The next time she looked over, Sesshoumaru's eyes were open.

Kagome's heart skipped a beat. She stiffened, fully prepared to fight

or run. But Sesshoumaru's eyes didn't look right. His pupils were closed

so tightly they formed a little ridge in the middle of his golden irises,

a sight she found horrifying.

Kagome moved a hand past the demon lord's eyes. He didn't even blink.

She covered her mouth. He's really blind.

His nose, on the other hand, worked just fine. It flared a mile a minute.

Sniffing the air.

"Miko." Sesshoumaru whispered icily. His hand moved to the hilt of his

Toukijin. He refused to show he didn't know where he was or that he was

too weak to fight. "How did you revive me? What are you doing?"

"You weren't breathing and you didn't have a heartbeat. I...." Kagome

caught herself blushing again. "I had to do mouth-to-mouth and press on

your chest until your pulse came back." She frowned until a crease formed

on her delicate brow. "You're hurt badly. If I can stop the bleeding you'll

have a chance to heal."

"Mouth to..." he licked his lips, tasting her presence. It was not as

unpleasant as he'd imagined it would be. "So you revived me with a kiss."

"Well...not quite." the fire in her face burned hotter. "I had to put

my mouth on yours to breathe air into your lungs until you started breathing

on your own."

Sesshoumaru's eyes narrowed and his grip tightened. He tried to ignore

her pleasant jasmine scent. "It will do no good." His tongue darted out

to moisten his painfully dry lips for a second time. They'd pinked up nicely,

she noticed. Breathing a few times, he went on to say, "I'm dying, wench.

I was well on my way until you brought me back."

Kagome felt her eyes burn at his ungratefulness. "Where I come from

they can still save people when their hearts stop. If it happens again

I can bring you back. It's called CPR. Now, I just have to stop the bleeding

and you should be okay in - "

"You stupid girl." Sesshoumaru's voice dripped malice. "The blade that

stabbed me was poisoned. It is too late for the antidote." He pushed himself

up on his elbow and attempted to scoot away. The pain made him collapse.

"Leave me. I don't want to die in the presence of a human." He spat

the word human like a curse. Harsher insults formed in his throat, but

pain silenced him.

Kagome saddened a little. Here he was well on his way to the afterlife

and she'd dragged him back to more hours of pain and misery.

But why did Sesshoumaru come to this forest instead of returning to

his castle? Surely his own bed would be more comfortable than the cold

forest floor.

"Will you at least let me bandage your wound and give you something

comfortable to lay on? Your guts are hanging out of your body. If I can

push them back in and bandage the wound, it may help ease the pain." She

tried not to stare at his pale, heaving chest as it slid up and down between

the open edges of his unbound shirt. He was immaculate, perfect, godlike.

Looking at him in any state of undress seemed somehow sacrilegious. Wake

up! You've seen Inuyasha's chest before, Sesshoumaru's isn't any different!

But...it's Sesshoumaru...it IS different.

The annoyance in Sesshoumaru's aura cautioned Kagome not to push her

kindness too far. Even in this state it would only take one practiced touch

to melt her into goo.

Sesshoumaru opened his mouth to say something nasty. A coughing fit

cut him off. The spasms sent a dull ache up through his torso. He choked

on his own bitter tasting blood. It pooled in the corners of his mouth,

staining the cracks in his lips a dull red. So this is how it ends,

me drowning in my own blood. Pitiful.

Kagome found herself again kneeling at his side, a hand on his arm.

Or rather, the stump where he used to have an arm. "Please, Sesshoumaru...nobody

deserves to die suffering."

"What do you know of suffering?" Sesshoumaru asked, his voice hoarse

rasp. He began to shiver as shock from pain and blood loss set in.

"Enough to know that your body isn't the only part of you in pain."

Kagome replied, eyeing his face to judge his reaction. "I know Rin died

out there. I'm sorry."

The demon lord was silent at the mention of the girl's name. He closed

his eyes and turned his face away. The motion caused his kimono to slip

completely off his left shoulder, exposing his stump and more of his chest.

His arm ended just above the elbow, the tip flat with jagged scars. "Bandage

me and go. Your presence sickens me."

That stung like a slap. Kagome tried to ignore it. She wrapped her fingers

in gauze, "this might hurt a bit," and proceeded to push the slick, pulsing

pink mass back into his body. Sesshoumaru clenched his jaw, briefly nauseated

at the sensation of his organs being shifted. Cramp like pangs washed through

his abdomen. He swore he felt a tooth crack when she stuck her fingers

into the cut to pull out the jagged skin flaps. Crimson bled into his eyes.

The urge to kill her rose another degree.

"Sorry...am I being too rough?"

"Briefly." He shivered, his eyes returning to their proper gold. "It

was necessary."

Kagome dabbed the blood off the wound the best she could. It kept oozing

no matter what she did, so she tried packing it with clean gauze. Her hands

were covered in his body fluids. She startled when Sesshoumaru placed his

hand over both of hers. It was like ice, his fingertips paler than the

rest of him.

"What are you - "

He used his stump to push himself up slightly. Now his kimono slipped

off the other milky shoulder, leaving his upper body completely bare. Their

faces were just inches apart. "Just ensuring you don't take advantage of

my being wounded."

Kagome turned her head to find herself staring at his golden eyes. His

irises pulsated. The color contrasted with his silver hair. She caught

herself staring and focused on the task at hand, hyper-aware of his breath

on her cheek. Scents of blood, roses, sakura and grass clung to him like

cologne.

She moved her hand down to apply pressure to his side. His fingers tensed

on her hand, holding it away from the two weapons strapped to his sash.

He

must think I'm going to try and take his swords or something! Can we say

paranoid?

"Please don't move yet. I'm not going to touch your swords, Sesshoumaru.

I promise."

Sesshoumaru kept his hand there anyway. It felt nice against her fingers,

even though it made her nervous as hell. As Kagome worked under his palm,

she noticed the skin was perfectly smooth. He lacked the callouses and

scars common to swordsmen. His elegant fingers were long and flawless,

more suited to piano keys than handling swords.

He probably bathes in rosewater. Kagome's eyes wandered up the

slender, muscular arm to his shoulder, drawn to the slow movement of his

chest. God, he was in shape...in all honesty he had the most beautiful

body she'd ever seen. She blushed and shook herself out of her thoughts.

"You'll have to sit up so I can wrap these bandages around you."

Sesshoumaru's lips tightened. He tried to push himself up again, but

the pain slapped him flat on his back. Waves of nausea and vertigo prevented

another attempt. He vomited into his mouth and promptly swallowed it, grimacing

at the bitter taste of his own bile.

Kagome's heart ached for him. Here was the Lord of the Western Lands,

the most unflappable, bitter and angry being she'd ever seen. He was strong

enough to rip the beating heart from a grown man's chest. He stood tall

and proud on hilltops at sunset. Untouchable, strong and perfect.

And now he couldn't even push himself up to sit. He seemed unusually

small, fragile and vulnerable. Kagome wanted to wrap him up and cradle

him against her chest to protect him from the death waiting to snatch him

away.

"Here..." she whispered, touching his intact arm. It tensed on contact.

"I'll help you sit up. You can lean on me until I bandage this and then

I'll get out a sleeping bag for you."

A curt nod was the only reply Sesshoumaru offered. If he refused she'd

probably do it anyway, so why bother?

He...Lord Sesshoumaru...was giving up.

I am allowing myself to be cared for by a lowly human. If this poison

doesn't kill me first, the shame will, he thought bitterly.

Kagome slipped both arms around Sesshoumaru's chest and pulled him up

towards her warmth. He let his shirt slip the rest of the way off and wrapped

his arm around her for balance. His face wound up buried against her neck.

Her sweet scent invaded his nostrils, impossible to ignore. Jasmine scents

clung to her hair. He blinked several times, his head swimming from her

smell and the sudden lack of blood to his brain. No, too much, he let the

void of sleep snatch him away. Her face haunted his dreams.

Kagome tried hard not to blush when she realized the demon lord was

breathing on her neck. She noticed his long eyelashes fluttering as his

eyelids trembled. His hand shuddered and relaxed, hanging dangerously close

to her breast. The miko blushed. Is he...? A glance at his pale

face revealed his eyes had rolled back. He was unconscious. She exhaled

and resumed wrapping the bandages around his midsection.

Phew...

Afterward, Kagome pulled some wet wipes from her pack and cleaned her

hands off the best she could. Best to clean up before she touched his white

clothes. Her fingers wouldn't smell too pretty for awhile, but they'd be

clean and disinfected.

She found herself hyper-conscious of Sesshoumaru's body still resting

against hers. He was solid muscle without a hint of extra fat. Kagome placed

a light, gentle hand in the middle of his back, feeling the muscles between

his shoulderblades rising and falling as he breathed. Almost on its own

accord her other hand rose, brushing the smooth contours of his shoulder

and sculpted chest.

Sesshoumaru seemed so...so oddly real. Any other time Kagome saw him,

he was standing out of reach. Beyond her. Like a precious gem kept forever

under glass. In touching him she realized he was also flesh and blood just

like any other person she knew. He breathed the same air she did. He had

a heart beating in his chest. He could feel pain and die. He hoped, dreamed

and

desired.

I wonder what kind of life you lived. Kagome combed her fingers

gently through his silver locks. Sesshoumaru's hair felt different from

Inuyasha's. It was softer and lighter, more like a thick mane of long fur.

It flowed over and around her fingers like liquid silk. The caress exposed

his delicately pointed ear, revealing a tiny yellow flower that matched

his eyes. Probably put there by Rin.

Aw, he must have really cared about that little girl. She sighed,

letting the hair slip from her grasp. God, I know a ton of -girls- who

would die for hair like his. It's gorgeous. I wonder if he's ever had to

deal with frizz or split ends, or just had a general bad hair day. That

would be a sight to see.

Kagome smiled slightly and wiped his damp bangs off his brow, uncovering

his crescent moon marking. His pallor made it seem darker than she remembered.

By nature Sesshoumaru had a fair complexion, but she could never recall

his skin nearly matching his white clothing. Wait, what am I thinking?!

I'm holding a murderous demon who hates humans in my arms! I should be

focused on making him comfortable and leaving, not feeling him up like

a sick pervert! He could wake up any second! God, BAD GIRL, KAGOME! BAD

GIRL!

Kagome eased Sesshoumaru back to the ground and pulled his kimono back

up around his shoulders, afraid that leaving it off would create too much

temptation. Her face burned at the memory of his soft skin still fresh

on her palms. A few mental slaps prevented her from imagining him naked.

She unrolled her sleeping bag on a patch of grass beside the pathway. Now

there was just the matter of getting him onto it.

Oh God, I have to touch him again. Okay...just think clean thoughts.

That's all.

"Sesshoumaru?"

His eyes fluttered.

She spoke softly, "I'm going to help you slide onto something more comfortable

than the ground. You're going to have to help me move you, though. Okay?"

"Mm."

Reaching under Sesshoumaru's armpits, Kagome slid his upper body onto

the soft nylon and cotton of the sleeping bag. Sesshoumaru helped by pushing

with his arm and both legs. Even that seemed to tire him and he sank, panting,

onto the soft new surface. The white pelt he usually kept wrapped around

his right shoulder gained a new use as a pillow.

Kagome blushed when she realized his kimono was open again, letting

her see his his collarbones and the lines defining his pecs. Some of his

hair spilled over his shoulders and curled against his chest. He looked

a little like Inuyasha that away. Or what Inuyasha would look like if he'd

just brush his hair once in awhile.

Gods, that demon was so beautiful. From his long hair to his dark eyelashes

and small, pink lips...and beyond. Every way he moved was always imbued

with sensuality. Kagome found herself in shock when she realized how much

his presence tugged her heart. Even though he'd tried to kill her numerous

times, insulted her and treated her like trash, she couldn't hate him.

Dislike, maybe.

What if he could love? What if she met him before he locked up his heart

and threw away the key?

Why did she always feel so strange when he came near? It started the

first time she met his eyes. Time ground to a halt with that first look.

He'd looked at her like something he just scraped off the bottom of his

shoe, his haunting amber eyes piercing straight through her soul. She didn't

know whether to kiss him or run away.

If I tried to kiss him, he would've killed me before I could pucker

up.

But...what if he didn't?

The wasted opportunities made her want to weep. There was no chance

in hell they could ever be together. Even if he did live, she'd be old

and wrinkled while he still maintained that perpetual twenty-something

face.

That beautiful...young...face...

"Miko," Sesshoumaru's voice cut into Kagome's thoughts, jolting her.

"Huh?" She looked over, relieved to see he'd closed his shirt and tied

his sash back into place. How he did that with one arm puzzled her.

Sesshoumaru pawed at the new surface, his nails gliding softly over

the fabric. Yellow, just like his eyes. The shiny material rustled under

his fingertips. Kagome watched his hand dent the fabric and suddenly wished

he'd move it that way on her skin. She bit her lip and thought about dead

cats and fat nuns, anything to avoid feeling aroused. The last thing she

needed was him smelling her dirty thoughts.

He turned his face towards her. "What is this material?" His voice was

weak. "I recognize the cotton...but this outer covering..."

"It's called nylon," said Kagome. She reached over and drew the cover

over him. "It's water resistant and it'll keep you warm."

The long fingers continued to trace a seam. Small circles, back and

forth. "Why is it called a...'sleeping bag'?"

Swallowing, Kagome replied, "Because it's like a bag if you zip it up,

but I don't want to because you might have trouble getting it unzipped.

It kind of..." she blushed and continued sheepishly, "...you need two hands

to work zippers."

"What is a zipper?"

"The metal things you feel around the edge have a little tab you can

pull on. It'll pull the metal teeth together. People use them on clothes,

backpacks, sleeping bags, boots. Here." She stuck her backpack out, watching

him touch it. His long nails clicked over the metal. "It'd make more sense

if you could see it."

"Perhaps." Sesshoumaru turned his head away, closing his eyes. The tendons

in his pale neck stood out in sharp relief. They quivered with the tension

in his jaw.

Waiting to die. Kagome thought sadly. She was surprised at feeling

so bad for him when he'd done practically nothing but act coldly towards

her. Yet some part of her kept hoping she'd get some emotion out of him.

Some sign that his heart was in her reach. "Can I do anything else to make

you more comfortable?"

"You have done enough. Go." whispered Sesshoumaru. He faced her when

she wouldn't move, his gold eyes narrowed slightly. "If you desire your

belongings back, wait a day and return. Should I survive the night, I will

move on and find some place more secluded. Where I won't be bothered."

"You're welcome," muttered Kagome under her breath. Still the heavy

feeling wouldn't leave her chest. She looked over again.

Sesshoumaru had turned his face towards the sky. The coloring on his

closed eyelids gave the impression of demonic red eyes glaring out at the

stars. His lips were pressed into a bloodless line. It was obvious he was

in pain and trying to hide it.

Kagome knelt by his head to pack up the belongings she took out of her

backpack. She placed a water bottle next to the sleeping bag with the lid

popped, just in case he needed a drink. "Hey, Sesshoumaru?"

No response, but his eyes were open again.

"I know you aren't all bad." She fixed her eyes on his, trying to ignore

the awful sight of his tightly-closed pupils. "You seemed to take good

care of that little Rin girl who always followed y-"

"I betrayed her." He said flatly. "This Sesshoumaru broke his word to

Rin, and that is unforgivable. Now GO."

She hung her head, a waterfall of dark hair spilling over her shoulder.

Sesshoumaru was treated to a massive dose of her sweet jasmine scent as

she gathered her pack and walked quietly off to his left.

The minute Sesshoumaru stopped smelling her scent, he opened his eyes

wide and his face twisted up in unimaginable agony. Small lips pulled back

in a silent scream, but he only let his loud breathing escape. His blood

felt like fire burning him from within. For one moment he actually wished

Kagome had stayed and held him.

Hours passed like years. The stars marched across the sky, bright celestial

sentinels that marked the passage of time. Their light found Kagome still

in the forest near where she left Sesshoumaru. In her hands she held a

scrap of fabric, part of a kimono she found beside Sesshoumaru when he

fell. She knew it came from Rin's clothes.

Had he died by now? Was he all curled up in a ball of pain? Could he

have somehow crawled away after a few minutes of rest?

She knew he told her to stay away, but dammit the idea of just leaving

him there didn't sit well with her. And Inuyasha and the gang had yet to

show up. Kagome told herself she'd go check up on the demon lord and stay

close by until he died. The gang would find her easily enough if she stayed

in the area.

Her mind made up, Kagome retraced her steps back to the familiar gathering

of trees. She was surprised when she heard loud panting and moaning. Sounds

of pain. Cautiously she slid up to a tree and peered around at the ailing

figure.

Sesshoumaru's eyes were closed, but his mouth was open and his chest

heaved with each labored breath. He had his arm wrapped around his torso,

holding the bandaged wound. The grass near his right side looked like it'd

been clawed and ripped out.

He moaned again and dug his fingers into the grass, eyes shooting open

wide. Convulsions wracked his body, making him thrash and twist as if being

electrocuted. Horrible choking noises came from his throat. The kind of

sounds only heard in nightmares. He kept mumbling something over and over,

his voice straining through clenched teeth.

Kagome struggled to make it out.

"For...give.....me." Sesshoumaru didn't know what was happening to him

or why his body went into these fits. For the first time in his life he

was utterly terrified.

"This Sesshoumaru broke his word to Rin, and that is unforgivable..."

Kagome blinked away tears. He sounded so broken, so pained, so alone.

I

can't leave him alone like that. I have to do something. He's punishing

himself for something that probably isn't his fault. He'd never hurt Rin

on purpose.

The seizure ended abruptly. Sesshoumaru lay panting, drenched in sweat

and exhausted. The convulsions destroyed the minimal clotting around his

wound. It bled anew, staining the cotton lining of Kagome's sleeping bag

a deep crimson. He opened his sightless eyes and stared up where he knew

the stars where shining. His thoughts were scattered, trapped in the delirium

of his fever. He couldn't tell dreams from reality. Both worlds tormented

him.

I need to go to him, but he'd be angry if he knew I saw that.

Kagome's eyes drifted to the fabric in her hands. He's still pretty

out of it. Maybe...maybe I can help him let go. Kagome rubbed the fabric

against her hands to get the scent on them. She tip-toed around the tree

and approached the sleeping bag.

Putting on her best little girl's voice, she whispered, "Lord Sesshoumaru?"

Sesshoumaru's eyes shot open with a start. His lips moved several times

until he finally whispered, "Rin?"

"Uh-huh!" Kagome held the scrap of fabric near his face, letting him

get the scent. Sesshoumaru sniffed it twice and stretched out his hand,

searching. She cautiously took it, keeping it away from her face and clothes.

If he became coherent she'd be dead meat for her deception. Slight guilt

for lying to him like this made her shoulders sag. Her only consolation

was knowing it brought him some comfort.

"Rin," more heaving breaths. His face and voice became impassive. "Have

you come to take me from this place?"

"No," said Kagome. She tried to remember Rin's odd speaking pattern.

"Rin came to tell Lord Sesshoumaru that Rin's being dead isn't Lord Sesshoumaru's

fault. But Rin forgives you anyway."

At those words she saw Sesshoumaru's lips move, but no words came out.

Had he been able to see, he would've been staring right into her face.

The ridges in his irises were shrinking. His pupils would open again fairly

soon.

Finally he choked out, "You...you forgive me?"

"Yes."

"But I...killed you. My own blade." The ice around Sesshoumaru's heart

cracked. Tears welled in his eyes, turning them into glistening pools of

molten gold. His voice and face remained firmly emotionless, even though

his lower lip quivered. Two tears slid down each cheek. "Rin..."

Does he know he's crying? Kagome reached out and wiped a droplet

off his face. "It was an accident. Rin knows Lord Sesshoumaru loves Rin."

Sesshoumaru squeezed her hand, hard. Kagome winced and tried to pull

away, but he wouldn't let go.

"There was not enough left of you to lick your wounds clean before burial."

His voice remained utterly cold, "I hate how you made me feel so

weak..."

he clung to her fingers, silent tears pouring down his face and dropping

onto his pelt. Droplets adhered to his long eyelashes like fresh dew on

grass. His eyes were beautiful, even without pupils they shone with more

emotion than Kagome had ever seen from him. She resisted the urge to hug

him.

My gosh...I never thought he was capable of tears. He probably held

them back his whole life.

He kept sucking in deep breaths, probably to keep himself from sobbing

openly like a little child. This went on for a few minutes, then he went

utterly quiet. A moment later his eyes were dry again as if nothing happened.

The stone mask that slipped off clicked back into place, once again hiding

the secret thread of goodness deep in his heart. "I grow tired."

Though brief, it was still more of a response than Kagome expected to

see from him. Way more.

"Then go sleepy-bye." Her joy at getting such a reaction from him almost

made her slip, "Will Lord Sesshoumaru come see m- come see Rin soon?"

"If Heaven...will have this Sesshoumaru..." His awareness faded, making

his eyelids flutter. "...yes..." breath, "...soon." his hand went limp

and his eyes drifted shut. For once his face was peaceful. He floated off

into the past, back to the last time he shared an evening with Rin by his

side.

"Lord Sesshoumaru!" Rin clambered over the hill where she'd been

picking flowers. She pointed excitedly at the crescent moon in the sky.

"Look at the moon! It looks just like Lord Sesshoumaru's forehead! Just

like Lord Sesshoumaru said it would! That means a month has gone by."

"Hn..." Sesshoumaru looked up from his comfortable perch beneath

an old tree. "So it has."

Rin flopped down next to him and spilled her findings into his lap.

Mostly wildflowers from the field near where they were camping for the

night. She picked out a little yellow one no larger than her pinkie fingernail,

holding it up to his face. "This one matches Lord Sesshoumaru's eyes. Can

Rin put it in Lord Sesshoumaru's hair? Please? Rin wants to make you look

pretty."

Sesshoumaru looked at the flower, then Rin's young face. It wasn't

the first time he let her put flowers in his hair. She never put in weeds,

thank God...but it was still embarrassing.

Once, a few weeks back, he was letting her comb his hair with his

silver comb when he started feeling cold, moist objects being placed against

his scalp. When he spied his reflection in the lake he discovered Rin had

covered his hair in lotus blossoms. She looked so sad when he glared at

her that he finally let her proceed, so long as she didn't pout if he took

the flowers out right away. By the time she finished, he found himself

with about four dozen lotus blossoms poking out of a long braid dangling

down his back. It took him nearly two hours to undo the braid. He was still

picking petals out of his hair three days afterward.

'Bothersome child.' Knowing he let her do these things at all irked

him a bit. 'I can't believe I let her talk me into such kindness.'

Slowly, very slowly, Sesshoumaru lowered his head and lifted his

hair slightly. Rin broke out into a huge smile and stood up on her knees,

tucking the flower gently behind his pointed ear. He stayed bent over until

she nodded in approval and straightened himself. His cheekbones rounded,

though his mouth remained a straight line. A shimmer flickered in his eyes

just before he turned them back to the sky.

Rin saw the faint, fleeting crinkle appear in the corners of her

guardian's eyes. He always smiled with everything but his mouth. One had

to look close and fast to catch it before the ice filled in the crack.

She grinned and looked up at the sky too.

"Rin thinks there's flowers on the moon." Rin sighed happily, settling

down next to Sesshoumaru's legs. "Lots of pretty white ones that glow."

She gazed at the white crescent above the horizon. "Rin wants to go there

and find out."

"You will." Sesshoumaru let his hair fall into place again, hiding

the tiny yellow blossom. He looked down at the human female. "When you

die, someday."

She blinked innocently up at him. "Is Heaven on the moon?"

He felt his eyes soften just a tad. Sometimes he hated it when she

looked at him like that, it made him feel weak. "Heaven is wherever you

want it to be, Rin."

"Where's your Heaven?"

Sesshoumaru closed his eyes and pondered quietly. He'd never really

thought of it before, mostly because he didn't think Heaven would accept

him.

"My Heaven...is wherever I am happiest." he said, hoping it would

make her drop the subject and stop looking at him that way.

"Ooh!" Rin clapped her hands and put her head down on his knee. A

few fireflies danced around her face. They flitted away when Sesshoumaru

started combing her hair with his fingers, unconsciously grooming her like

a pup. His claws could crush her skull, she knew it, and she wasn't afraid.

She willingly leaned into his touch. Sesshoumaru's claws glided through

her short brown locks, dislodging bits of grass and occasionally twisting

apart a tangle.

"Sleep, Rin." the demon lord executed a rather graceful one-fingered

twist to replace Rin's hair clip. He noted with dismay that she needed

a bath. Part of him wondered why he bothered to bathe her when she got

dirty, offered his warmth when she shivered with cold and used his energy

whip to knock apples from a tree when she showed signs of hunger. He was

Lord Sesshoumaru of the Western Lands and he hated humans!

'She requires so much care just to survive. It's pitiful.'

"Rin will pick LOTS of flowers on the moon for Lord Sesshoumaru."

Rin huddled up under Sesshoumaru's empty kimono sleeve and yawned. "Are

you sure you can't fly to the moon?"

"Quite sure. Now sleep."

Rin finally stopped squirming. Her quiet breathing told the demon

lord she was asleep.

Sesshoumaru glanced down and noticed her knuckles were scraped up,

probably from reaching under jagged rocks to pull out tiny flowers. Absently,

he picked her hand up and sniffed the scrape. It stank with the start of

an infection. He extended his tongue and licked the wound clean, ignoring

the metallic taste of her human blood.

"Little Rin, sometimes you sicken me. But..." he placed her hand

at her side and pulled his armless sleeve more firmly around her, "for

your sake, this Sesshoumaru hopes there are flowers on the moon for Rin."

Sesshoumaru's emotionless voice echoed his dream, "...flowers...on the

moon....for Rin."

Kagome slid her hand out from under his twitching fingers and pulled

the edge of the sleeping bag back up over him. Sesshoumaru relaxed into

it with a sigh. She brushed his bangs aside and planted a feather-light

kiss on his brow. He gave no response, his slumber was coma-like, but his

lips curved into an almost-smile.

Sesshoumaru talked a lot in his sleep. Mostly in a half whisper, but

Kagome could hear him in the silence of the forest. She was able to glean

off bits and pieces of his travels, his life and even glimpses of his childhood.

Then he went utterly quiet, leading her to think he was gone. But when

she turned to look at him she saw his chest still rising and falling.

Kagome quietly hoped the demon lord would remain asleep all the way

to the end. But he didn't. No more than an hour after he fell asleep, he

awoke. He stirred quite suddenly, picking his head up to look around. His

pupils were open again. The world was still a bit hazy to him, but he could

see.

He looked right at her, his eyes like two icy orbs. "Why did you return?"

"I couldn't stay away."

Sesshoumaru let his head fall back against his fur. "The whelp is coming."

"Inuyasha?" Kagome felt her heart lurch. In happiness that she was going

to find Inuyasha and in fear that Inuyasha would slay Sesshoumaru on his

deathbed. She stretched out her senses to find him still a ways away. "It'll

take him awhile to get here, but I can keep him off your back when he does."

He turned his face away.

Kagome quietly gathered some firewood and started a campfire. A brief

dig in her bookbag brought out a pack of ramen, which she cooked in silence.

Sesshoumaru's head turned to the fire, his nose taking in the salty

smell of ramen and boiling water. He watched her actions quietly with eyes

that seemed to glow in the shifting light. Kagome smiled, the fire illuminating

the curve of her face and hair. She filled a bowl with noodles and held

it out to him.

He shook his head. "I do not eat human food."

Guess my cooking still needs work. Kagome shrugged and ate the

ramen herself. It was flavorless, but it kept her stomach from growling.

She methodically cleaned up her dishes and packed them away. Then she

sat down by the fire and leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees.

"Sesshoumaru, can I ask you a question?" Naturally, Sesshoumaru didn't

reply. She went ahead to ask anyway, "Why do you hate humans?"

A silence came over the forest. Just the crackling fire and the hiss

of wind playing through the leaves, stirring their hair. Kagome almost

leaned over to see if the demon lord was asleep again.

"A human led to my father's demise," Sesshoumaru finally said, "My father

was the strongest demon I knew. He died a pitiful death protecting that

human he loved and the whelp. I was supposed to defeat him myself to prove

I was worthy to take his place." Though his face was calm, his voice chilled,

"his death and Inuyasha have been a scar on my heritage ever since."

Kagome looked over to see Sesshoumaru shivering again. Probably from

fever. "He really loved her if he was willing to die for her."

"She made him weak!" the demon lord's outburst surprised her.

She'd never heard him yell before, ever. "And now I suffer the same fate,

only I had the decency to be killed by a worthy foe."

Sesshoumaru didn't know why he was telling Kagome all this. He was going

to die, so he figured it really didn't matter. And talking did help distract

him from the pain.

Kagome scooted closer to him. "What about your mother?"

A slight, exasperated sigh, but Kagome swore she saw him smile for a

second. "A very distant woman, but excellent with swords. I bear the same

markings on my face as she did." He looked over at the miko, his stripes

and crescent moon dark against his pale face. Kagome wondered if he inherited

the long eyelashes from his mother as well. "Her name was Kouhi...and she

was a beautiful, powerful demoness."

His eyes became two amber balls of ice, "I still do not know the circumstances

of her death." Then, looking to the sky, he whispered, "However...when

she learned that father conceived a halfbreed, her spirit broke. She went

on a rampage. It is how I learned that falling in love was like inviting

someone to use my heart against me. So I never courted a woman or took

a mate."

Kagome's eyes drifted to his face. Over his virgin skin and lips. Skin

that had never been caressed. Lips that had never been kissed. Eyes that

had never stared longingly into another's. She almost couldn't believe

it. "Tell me more...talking seems to help you."

Amber eyes fluttered and drifted. Turned to look at her, heavily lidded.

He seemed content enough to keep talking.

"I was still too young to fully understand what went wrong between my

parents. I did not know why mother became so angry. I just know that one

day, just before sunset, father left and I never saw him again. I was hoping

he would give me his Tetsusaiga, thus giving me his power, but he refused,

telling me it was not meant for me. The fool."

As an afterthought, Sesshoumaru touched the pelt spread out under his

head. His mood changed slightly. "He gave this to her the day they were

married. And she gave it to me the night of my coming of age party. It

was the last time I saw her alive...I could never bring myself to part

with it."

Kagome brushed her knuckles across the edge of the pelt. Silky soft,

much like his hair.

She almost wanted to ask him if he carried any other mementos of his

past around. She ran a hand through her dark hair and looked up at the

sky. Wondering how Sesshoumaru could talk about such painful things without

a quiver.

"What about Rin?"

If this human keeps this up, I'll be answering questions until my

dying breath...

"Rin...ah, she - " a new wave of pain garbled his voice into a low moan.

He closed his eyes and stiffened his body in attempt to keep the agony

contained in his abdomen.

The moan startled Kagome out of the lull she'd drifted into. Her head

snapped towards the demon lord, who was obviously in some sort of agony.

Without thinking she reached out and touched his hand. At her touch his

hand closed into a fist, preventing her fingers from getting a proper hold.

Shutting her out.

"I...don't...need..." he panted through clenched teeth

"Shhh, everybody needs comfort sometimes. Even you." Kagome gazed down

at Sesshoumaru with soft eyes. "Accepting comfort doesn't mean you're weak."

She leaned down slightly, "Cry out if you need to. I won't judge you for

it."

"N-no..." He shuddered, growling," I must not...weak..."

"There's no shame here." She squeezed his clenched fist. "Nobody has

to know...I won't tell."

The tendons in his fist threatened to burst through the skin. His claws

bit his palm. "You will tell...noone..."

"Not a soul."

"Do not look at me." Sesshoumaru's voice trembled, "Look...away...from

me."

"Okay." Kagome took a breath and looked over at the campfire, but didn't

take her hand off his fist. "I'm not watching. Let it out."

Sesshoumaru tossed his head back and screamed. The sound he made was

a cross between a man's cry and an animalistic howl. Once he started he

couldn't stop. In the firelight he truly looked like a demon then, with

his fangs bared and his eyes glowing brilliant red. His scream was a cry

of anguish and pain. A cry of despair and hope lost. It frightened sleeping

birds from their perches and sent nocturnal animals scurrying for shelter.

Its echo reached the sky, the mountains and the sea. He screamed until

his vocal cords grew raw and bloody and his lungs were too tired to keep

sucking in deep breaths.

Afterwards he lay, wide-eyed, shaking and covered in sweat. Kagome poured

water on a piece of cloth and pressed it to his brow. She could see his

pulse throbbing in his throat and watched it until it disappeared. His

eyelids fluttered, leading her to think he was going to have another seizure,

but he just panted softly.

Finally, he opened his eyes and gazed up into hers. He looked exhausted.

"Miko...w-what is your n-name?" Sesshoumaru's voice degenerated to a

choked whisper. Not even his iron emotional control could withstand the

burning pain reverberating within his body. He was sure his innards were

slowly melting into sludge.

Kagome felt her heart break for him. She struggled to stay strong, "Kagome.

My name's Kagome."

"Ka-go-me." He said slowly, trembling. "Fitting."

Her face warmed and she smiled slightly down at him. "Last question."

"Mm."

"You were talking in your sleep earlier. I heard you say something about

flowers on the moon. Does that mean anything or were you just mumbling

randomly?"

She swore she felt him chuckle. Something in his eyes changed, softened

slightly. He no longer spoke as if he was above her. Just a soft, velvety

voice. "Rin believed there were white flowers on the moon...and that they

caused its nightly glow. She wanted to travel there and pick some for me.

Then she asked me if Heaven existed on the moon."

"That's so cute..." Kagome didn't have the heart to tell him the moon

was just a big, gray rock covered in dust. "What'd you tell her?"

"I told her she would find out someday, when she died. Hours later she

lay in pieces at my feet. Naraku...tricked me." The demon lord's eyes didn't

well up as they had earlier, but he swallowed hard over the lump behind

his Adam's apple. "And still she forgave me."

Guilt pinched Kagome's heart. She brushed it aside. "She loved you.

When you love someone enough, you can forgive almost everything." A faint

lump came to her throat, threatening to choke her voice. "I-I forgive you

for trying to kill me."

"I don't know whether I should regret or be grateful that you still

breathe." Sesshoumaru replied. His nose twitched and he seemed momentarily

distracted by a scent in the air. He moved his stump under the sleeve of

his kimono, then brought his other hand over to touch his wounded side.

Briefly his forehead drew up into a frown. Other than that his pain seemed

to be tolerable again.

You would say something like that. A wrinkle formed in Kagome's

forehead. She lifted her hand off the grass and examined the imprints left

on her palm.

Hours drifted by like smoke from the dead campfire. The silence was

broken only by two soft voices trading stories in the shadows.

Kagome finished telling Sesshoumaru about her family and the modern

world and he answered by spinning tales of demon mythology that spanned

over a century.

Then he drifted a bit and started telling a story where Rin managed

to get herself stuck up in a tree. He commented on how it took him nearly

an hour to talk her down. Sesshoumaru didn't think it was very funny, but

Kagome laughed through the whole thing. Just the thought of a very no-nonsense

Sesshoumaru standing under a tree and trying to talk a child down sounded

hilarious.

Sesshoumaru turned out to be almost...charming...when he spoke so candidly.

Though he never mentioned his age, Kagome got the feeling he'd been alive

for a very long time. The longer she talked to him, the more she felt like

she'd known him for ages.

Eventually they went quiet, having briefly run out of things to say.

Kagome dozed off with her head on the edge of the sleeping bag, her

arm folded under her head like a pillow. Sesshoumaru turned his head to

peer at the sleeping human curled up less than a foot from him. She looked

so young, but strong. With his eyes he traced the curve of her eyelashes

and full lips. Her hair spilled around her head, raven against the mundane

grass. He studied how her long legs extended out from beneath her short,

pleated green skirt. Such strange attire, yet she said it was completely

appropriate in her time.

Sesshoumaru finished his observation and arched a brow. What is the

world coming to?

A cool breeze blew past. Kagome shivered at the cold invasion, stirred

and opened her eyes to find Sesshoumaru watching her.

Rather than act startled at finding his face that close, she just smiled.

"Hey."

Naturally, he didn't reply. They spent the next few moments gazing at

each other in silence. Neither wanted to be the first to look away.

The sky above the trees turned pale with predawn light. A few birds

started twittering to welcome the approaching sunrise while nocturnal animals

settled down for a day-long sleep.

"I must go." Sesshoumaru rolled onto his side and pushed himself up

to sit, eyes clearing enough to let him see the treetops. He bore his fangs

against the searing pain shooting through his side and struggled weakly

to stand. The moment he was upright he swayed like a drunk. His hair was

a little tangled and failed to form a perfect waterfall over his back.

The disarray didn't suit him. He seemed strangely small without his pelt

and armor. The bloodstain on his kimono stretched down one leg of his hakama.

"Sesshoumaru!" Kagome jumped up and held his arm to steady him. "What

are you doing?!"

"I must...get to the clearing...up ahead." He stumbled forward on unsteady

legs. Kagome let go of his arm and watched him in silence, knowing deep

inside that he wanted to walk to the clearing on his own. The place where

he wanted to die.

Kagome closed her fists when he fell, rose again and continued on, his

hand pressed to his wounded side.

Sesshoumaru's feet dragged by the time he reached the clearing. From

there he could see the sun rising over the mountains, its first light bathing

his pale face. A crescent moon glimmered several degrees above the sun,

pale and cold against the blueness bleeding into the sky. The wind stirred

his hair, bringing with it scents of pine and dew. He sighed slowly as

the last of his strength ebbed to nothing. His legs gave out and he collapsed

in a soft heap of fabric and flesh.

From Kagome's vantage point Sesshoumaru seemed to fall in slow motion,

vanishing gently below the foliage line. The impact sounded like clothes

being tossed on carpet. She mentally counted to ten and walked over. The

bushes scraped at her bare legs and hands, leaving streaks of chilly dew

on her skin.

Sunlight cast a large, golden beam down into the clearing, illuminating

Sesshoumaru's form. He was lying at the base of a huge black pine tree.

All curled up on his right side in a patch of tall grass, surrounded by

white wildflowers that oddly suited him. His long, flowing silver hair

fanned out around his body and the pallor on his face gave him the look

of a precious china doll. The billowing sleeves on his shirt formed a pattern

that eerily reminded Kagome of wings.

He picked his head up to look at her when he caught her jasmine scent.

His eyelids drooped, but his face had reassumed its emotionless mask.

Tears filled Kagome's dark eyes. She wanted to hold him and was afraid

to. "S-Sesshoumaru..."

The demon lord lowered his head back to the grass and gazed up at the

rising sun. His eyes matched the sunbeams, which turned his pupils to mere

slits. "Save your tears for someone more deserving."

"Nobody is more deserving of my tears than you." Kagome moved to settle

on her knees beside his drawn-up legs. She wondered how anybody who looked

so angelic could be a demon. He's so beautiful in the sunlight.

"Kagome..."

"Hm?"

His eyelids fluttered, dark lashes framing gilded irises. "Why...this

kindness?"

"Because I believed you could change." Her dark eyes met his gold ones.

The sun outlined her rather nicely from Sesshoumaru's point of view.

"I have done nothing but act coldly towards you for what you are."

A faint smile tugged Kagome's lips. "You had your reasons."

"True..." Sesshoumaru let one corner of his mouth twitch upwards. He

stiffened as another pang spread through his body.

Kagome stretched her hand towards him, but thought better of it and

placed it back in her lap. "Any other regrets you'd like to leave behind?"

Uncomfortable silence came between them. It felt more like an eternity

than a mere span of ten seconds.

"Just...one." Sesshoumaru blinked slowly, fighting for breath. It was

getting harder to keep his eyes focused. "I fell in love once...but I feared

the shame of admitting it to anyone. Even myself."

Sesshoumaru in love? I can't picture it.

"I know the feeling."

"It aches, doesn't it?" Sesshoumaru whispered, "Every time you see them,

knowing you can't have them, your heart aches."

Kagome nodded, he just unknowingly described exactly how she felt every

time she encountered him. Her bottom lip found itself between her teeth.

"If you could do it again..." she opened her hands as if opening an

invisible book, "...relive your life up to the exact point you realized

what you felt, would you go to this person?"

He looked away briefly, pondering. His eventual reply came in a whisper.

"Yes."

"Me, too." Kagome chewed her full lower lip. "I fell for a man, once

upon a time." She grew nervous when his eyes fixed on hers with interest.

"He was....I think I fell for him when I first saw his face. I never said

anything to anyone because I thought I was crazy and that it'd never work

out. And I always used to think that whole love at first sight thing only

happened in fairy tales. But...I love this man and I wish things could've

been diff-"

"You should be telling this to the one who has won your affection."

He narrowed his eyes slightly. Then his face diverted back to the sun,

watching it chase the last traces of night away.

Kagome's expression softened as her gaze moved from Sesshoumaru's eyes

to his small, slightly feminine mouth. "I just did."

Sesshoumaru's eyes flickered at her in a mix of surprise and...relief?

As if he just saw a ghost and then decided he wasn't afraid of it. He turned

his head a bit so they were almost nose to nose. His gaze sent a tingle

down to her heart. She stared down into his eyes and noticed his slightly

dilated pupils were surrounded by darker bands in an odd starburst pattern.

They shrank and grew as his iris constantly readjusted itself.

His penetrating eyes changed as she stared into them. They were two

walls of stone that suddenly became transparent swirls of emotion. Then

they were mirrors, reflecting her own emotions back at her. In them she

saw the heart he kept locked away all his life. She witnessed his pain,

his sorrow, his hopes and his dreams. He laughed, cried, lived and died

and created universes in the span of one blink. Behind those eyes was a

world of secrets no one would ever know.

"Kagome," he whispered her name. That was all he said, all he needed

to say.

I want to be your first kiss. Kagome thought, bringing her face

closer to his. Closer to the warmth of his mouth. So close they breathed

each other's hot breath. She paused there, savoring the moment. Sesshoumaru

inclined his head and parted his lips, his eyes never leaving hers. She

smiled and covered his mouth with her own. His lips were soft and their

warmth consumed her from the inside out.

Sesshoumaru found himself overwhelmed by Kagome's taste and scent. It

was better than he ever imagined. He closed his eyes and breathed her in,

his heart thudding in his ears as he let her mold his lips to her will.

Kagome cupped his face and stroked his cheeks with her thumbs. Their mouths

continued to dance. A slow, gentle movement of lips against lips. They

kissed like that for an eternity, oblivious to the past, present and future.

A slightly breathless Kagome drew back to gaze at Sesshoumaru, finding

herself staring into those ever-impassive eyes. Stone again, impenetrable.

He wasn't even blushing.

She wilted slightly. "I...I'm sorry if I offended you."

"You didn't." Sesshoumaru's lips were turning blue and his eyes becoming

glassy. He wasn't blushing because his heart no longer had the strength

to pump excess blood into his cheeks.

"If only you had been a demon like myself." he mused, reaching up to

trace a crescent moon pattern on her forehead.

Kagome allowed herself a weak, sad smile. "Yeah...if only."

Then a biting coldness settled in Sesshoumaru's chest. It wrapped around

his heart and spread into his lungs. Every breath he took spread the chill

further through his body. When it reached his head, his vision dimmed.

He frowned, closed his eyes and opened them again to look up at her.

"Kagome," he said simply, "it is time."

"Shhh." Kagome placed her fingers on his lips. Oh, God...why do you

have to die, Sesshoumaru?

"Mmh. I...wish...I..." Sesshoumaru blinked twice, slowly. The coldness

clamped down on his lungs. Darkness seeped into his peripheral vision.

Suddenly afraid, though not showing it on his face, he reached out and

grabbed Kagome's hand. Please...let my heart go first. Invisible

boulders crashed down on his ribs. His own heart stabbed his chest wall.

I

don't want to suffocate. He wheezed like an asthmatic, trembling, trying

to get enough air to speak. "I...wish...we..."

" - had more time?" Kagome completed his thought.

Sesshoumaru nodded, trying to keep his face expressionless. His body

kept screaming at him to gasp, pant and struggle, but he forced himself

to take slow, deep breaths. He didn't want her to see that just the simple

act of breathing took all his effort. The lack of oxygen made him dizzy.

Endorphins finally kicked in to dull the ache of encroaching death.

The biting coldness flooding the demon lord's body became a soft, gentle

warmth. He no longer felt suffocated. All pain disappeared, replaced by

a strange euphoria. His body felt weightless. As if invisible hands came

from everywhere to lift him up and draw him away like pollen on a summer

wind.

He let the breath rush from his lungs. His eyes closed as images played

against the backs of his eyelids. The wind was carrying him towards a place

with flowers...flowers everywhere. Soft petals played in his hair, caressed

his face and filled him with peace unlike any he ever felt before. He opened

his eyes to look up at Kagome. Part of him remained awake, the other continued

to drift in the dream. He didn't know which was real.

A faint, fleeting smile crossed his serene features. There was nothing

to fear.

Kagome blinked, but tears kept blurring Sesshoumaru's image into an

ivory and silver blob. He was dying. Not in a few hours, not in a few days...it

was happening right here, right now, in front of her. His eyes, his voice

and his spirit were all about to slip beyond reach forever.

She squeezed his hand with all her strength. Trying to hold onto him

for just a little longer.

Kagome, Sesshoumaru lifted his head an inch off the ground. He

couldn't see too clearly anymore, most of his vision had dissolved into

pink spots as if he stood up too fast. But he could still smell, and right

now all he smelled was her tears. With utmost gentleness he parted his

lips and licked the salty droplets from Kagome's cheek, his tongue like

moist velvet against her skin. Don't cry, love...

More tears spilled out. He kept lapping them up, licking an invisible

wound far beyond his reach. She filled all five of his senses. He felt

as though, just by tasting her tears, he knew her better than anyone else.

Kagome almost smiled at the intimacy of the gesture and wondered if

he comforted Rin the same way. It certainly wasn't something she expected

from him.

Then his strength gave out and he put his head down again, his lips

moist from the salty evidence of her pain. Their eyes remained locked.

He stared right through her, his golden orbs growing faraway and dreamy.

Everything appeared bathed in bright light. It was beautiful. Sesshoumaru

blinked repeatedly, looking a little confused. The glow wouldn't flicker.

He parted his lips to tell Kagome about the light, but his voice wouldn't

work. No sound came out.

"Shh. It's okay...don't try to talk." Kagome quieted him with a gentle

finger on his lips. She stroked his cheek with her thumb, knowing he could

still hear her. Her fingertips brushed the flower still tucked lovingly

behind his ear. Another tear escaped when she saw that his gilded eyes,

which still stared into hers, were glazing over. "Go to Rin. She's waiting

for you."

In reply, Sesshoumaru stiffened, gasped softly and exhaled. His head

flopped limply to the side. All tension in his body disappeared. His slitted

pupils dilated, expanding until his amber irises were just a faint ring

surrounding blackness. The pallor overtaking his features completed itself

like an old photograph fading with time.

"Sesshoumaru," Kagome pressed his icy hand to her cheek, her tears pouring

over his fingers, "I love you."

Sesshoumaru just lay there in front of her, his shoulders slumped and

his face half-buried in the grass. Eyes wide open and unreachable, lips

slightly parted, skin white as lotus blossoms. Somehow, someway, his expression

remained perfectly composed. Only instead of his eyes being emotionless,

they were lifeless.

Suddenly the forest seemed perfectly silent. The world became still.

"Sesshoumaru?" She dropped his hand, watching it flutter to the ground

like a wounded bird. Sesshoumaru didn't move. His darkened eyes stared

into nothing. He could no longer hear her.

It was too fast. Too unreal. Two seconds ago he was licking tears off

her cheeks. How could a life end so abruptly?

"Sesshoumaru!" Panic seized Kagome's heart. She pushed Sesshoumaru

to lie on his back, meeting no resistance at all. His body just rolled

over like a ragdoll. The shift turned his head far to the right, making

his neck seem unusually long. Thin trails of stagnant blood formed under

his nose. Deep crimson against white.

She held her cheek close to his mouth and pressed two fingers against

his throat. No breath, no pulse, she held that position for almost two

minutes just to be sure. Then she turned his head, staring into his eyes.

Once, they were gilded walls of stone, transparent and mirrors all at once.

Now they were just two black, empty orbs. Those eyes, the windows of his

soul, thrown wide open to permit his escape into the sky.

Sesshoumaru, the Lord of the Western Lands, was gone.

Kagome passed her fingers over Sesshoumaru's eyelids to close them.

They didn't stay closed all the way, but at least they weren't wide open

either. His eyelashes were still moist. She lifted his head slightly, scooted

forward and lowered it onto her lap, trying to disturb him as little as

possible. His hair was soft against her bare legs. He felt so small. Small,

heavy, precious and more fragile than a butterfly's vacated chrysalis.

Less than a minute ago he was still talking to her. Still breathing.

Still feeling. And now his body was an empty, lifeless thing cast off as

useless. All his secrets gone in the span of a breath.

"Sesshoumaru....Sesshoumaru..." She whispered his name like a chant

that would protect her from the vacuum of his passing.

His hair was all around her, a mercury gleam in the sunlight burning

down. Her sparkling tears mingled with it like dew on spiderwebs. She picked

his hand up and sobbed into it, nuzzling her face against his fingers.

They were turning blue, just like his lips and the tips of his elf-like

ears.

Kagome tried to imagine Sesshoumaru's body as something apart from her.

She tried to separate it from the person who was still speaking to her

just a few short minutes previous. Then again, from the fearsome demon

lord who tried to kill her when they first met. One by one she cast off

pieces of him until all that remained were his empty body and the memories

he left behind.

"Goodbye," she whispered into his fingers.

A breeze swept through, ruffling their hair and sending a swirl of pink

sakura leaves off towards the rising sun. Birds started singing anew. Insects

and other creatures resumed their duties. The sun climbed inexorably higher.

Time had stopped and restarted...only to go on without him. The world,

oblivious to its loss, kept turning.

Dark eyelashes fluttered and gradually lifted. Amber appeared as the

dilated pupil flickered between round and slitted until it finally equalized.

Reflected in it was a soft white glow. It shifted upwards slightly and

the reflection changed to a black, starry sky. The stars shone brilliantly

and didn't twinkle.

Sesshoumaru pushed himself up to sit, his hair and clothes glowing in

the light coming off the flowers all around. The flowers resembled lotus

blossoms with gold centers and they stretched on for miles, a gently swaying

sea of immaculate white atop emerald stems and leaves. They grew so thickly

their glow created a white sheen on the horizon. Their scent was unlike

anything he'd ever smelled before. If there was a word to describe it,

it hadn't been invented yet.

Looking around, he noticed a massive sakura tree that bloomed before

his eyes. Its leaves matched his eyes and it had bark the color of fine

red wine. The tree sat atop a rolling hill overlooking the entire area.

He turned his head the other way to find smaller, pure white trees peppered

here and there, each one casting a light brighter than the flowers.

What is this place? A dream? Sesshoumaru leaned his weight on

one hand and absently rubbed his eyes. He stopped mid-motion. Wait...

If he could rub his face with one hand, what was he leaning on?

Bringing his other hand around, stared at them together in disbelief.

Two hands, not one. He turned them palm up and wiggled his fingers a few

times. Lowered the left one to touch the flowers, then his own hair and

finally the side of his face. It had sensation. He pulled up his sleeve

to find no scars, like the arm had always been there.

If I have my arm back... Sesshoumaru braced himself and pressed

a hand to his side. No pain. He finally glanced down at himself. His clothes

were clean and he once again had his pelt and armor, though his swords

were gone. Oddly, he didn't miss them.

His nose twitched. He thought he smelled -

"Lord Sesshoumaru! You're here!"

The demon lord's eyes flickered. "Rin?" He twisted to his feet and looked

towards the voice.

"Rin knew you'd come!" Rin stood about ten feet away, almost knee-deep

in flowers. She was clean, dressed in an ivory kimono and wearing a big

smile on her innocent little face. Her hands were full of flowers she recently

picked. They glowed softly in her grasp. "Aren't they pretty?"

Sesshoumaru was frozen in place. He could only gaze across the expanse

at Rin. Here was the little girl he'd killed in cold blood and still she

could look at him with such loving trust. He watched as she ambled closer

and gazed up at him. She was cleaner than he'd ever seen her. He never

realized how fine, soft and black her hair really was.

"Is Heaven on the moon?"

"Heaven is wherever you want it to be, Rin."

"Where's your Heaven?"

"My Heaven...is wherever I am happiest."

Sesshoumaru gazed down at Rin, feeling a swirl of emotions he hadn't

felt since...since as long as he remembered. For once it showed on his

face. First in his eyes, then his lips.

Rin stare in awe at him with her big, brown eyes. She'd NEVER seen that

expression before!

"Lord Sesshoumaru...you're smiling..."

Instead of sucking the emotion back into himself, Sesshoumaru knelt

to look her in the eye, letting the smile grow into a dazzling grin that

flashed his fangs and lit up his amber eyes. A beautiful smile only for

her. "This Sesshoumaru is happy to see you, Rin. This Sesshoumaru..." he

showed her his slender hands, "now has both arms to hold his Rin."

Without hesitation, Rin climbed right into the demon lord's arms and

allowed herself to be swept up to his chest. She buried her head against

his neck and inhaled. He always smelled like roses to her. Sesshoumaru

settled his chin on her head and closed his eyes. His smile became just

a faint curve on his lips.

Rin drew her head back to look up at him, beaming at his face. He looked

so content. "Rin wants to show Lord Sesshoumaru something really pretty."

she said, pointing the big tree on the nearby hill.

"I...I would like that." Sesshoumaru gradually let his face relax.

"Okay! But you have to close your eyes first," she grinned up at him,

"Rin wants this to be a surprise."

Sesshoumaru decided to humor the little girl. He closed his eyes, set

Rin down and took her hand, letting her lead the way. Their footsteps silently

stirred and parted the flowers.

They climbed the hill and stood together under the tree. Rin never let

go of Sesshoumaru's hand, nor did he feel the desire to let go of hers.

"Nowwwwww...open!"

Sesshoumaru's dark eyelashes rose to an image of beauty beyond imagining.

It was a lake with water so still it acted like a mirror to reflect

the stars. Gilded leaves from the tree floated gently on its surface, their

presence creating faint ripples in the stellar reflection. Huge white pine

trees grew near the water's edge. The glow they created matched that of

a full moon.

He blinked a few times at something reflected in the lake and looked

up. A sparkling crescent hung just above the horizon, casting a soft light

over the water. Mostly blue with swirls of white and spots of brown, its

shape and color reminded him of the moon on his brow.

"Rin...I have never seen anything like this." Sesshoumaru lifted his

head when the wind's invisible fingers made his hair ripple to one side.

He looked down at Rin, then at the white flowers behind her. His face flashed

with recognition. "There really are flowers on the moon."

My Heaven...is wherever I am happiest. He looked back at Rin.

Another smile crinkled Rin's doe-like eyes. She offered him a handful

of white blossoms and giggled. "Can Rin put flowers in Lord Sesshoumaru's

hair?"

This time, Sesshoumaru didn't hesitate. He placed both hands behind

his neck, smiled at the sky and swished his long hair out into the wind.

Long, silver hair swirled as a figure skidded to a halt. Reflections

of sunlight and flowers flickered through shifting gold eyes. Clawed hands

in billowing, slightly torn red sleeves parted the greenery. Bare feet

crunched leaves and snapped twigs. A nose twitched. White ears shot up,

erect, alerted by the distant odor of death. It filtered between the scents

of jasmine and roses. Impossible to tell which just died.

"That bastard...I'll fucking kill him!" Inuyasha broke into a run. "Kagome!"

Unaware of Inuyasha's approach, Kagome put her comb away and stood up

to admire her handiwork.

Sesshoumaru was stretched out on his back in the flower patch, his hand

resting on his chest and his hair combed neatly over his shoulder. With

the worst of the blood and dirt washed out of his outer clothing, he looked

almost as immaculate as the first time she saw him. All signs of blood

and suffering were gone, long since cleaned off his pale skin. Death's

cruel touch left his face as white as the flowers surrounding him. His

small lips, pointed ears and long fingers were gradually turning deep purple.

If Kagome squinted hard enough she could almost convince herself he

was merely taking a nap. She backed off into the bushes and knelt by the

stream to wash her face for the millionth time, deaf to the sound of footsteps

approaching the clearing.

"Kag - " But the familiar tenor voice faltered.

Kagome pushed herself up to discover Inuyasha standing in the clearing,

his eyes fixed on Sesshoumaru.

Inuyasha knelt at Sesshoumaru's side and sniffed him. His nose wrinkled

at a smell only he could detect. He nudged him with one hand and got no

response. Confusion was evident on his face. He expected to find Kagome's

bloody remains, not his brother's!

The hybrid folded his hands in his oversized sleeves. He didn't know

how to feel.

Kagome couldn't remember the last time she saw the two demon brothers

so close together. In so many ways they looked alike, yet had radical differences.

Inuyasha's shiny, thick silver hair was untamed and fluffy around his ears.

It didn't hang straight down like Sesshoumaru's did. He had a more masculine

face, slightly angular with sharp lips and a strong chin. His brother,

on the other hand, was more androgynous. Neither masculine nor feminine.

Their eyes were identical, though Inuyasha lacked the long eyelashes.

Inuyasha perked up at Kagome's scent. He hopped to his feet and approached

her. "Kagome! You're okay!"

"Inuyasha!" Kagome raced into his arms and practically choked him with

her embrace. Tears flooded her eyes. She was so happy to see him alive.

She pressed her cheek into his shoulder, breathing in scents of sweat,

pine and wood smoke.

Startled, Inuyasha fell on his butt with Kagome almost in his lap. "Yeah,

yeah...do you mind?" He gave her a light shove to break free and peered

at the miko through the fringe of his bangs. His amber eyes moved to the

dead demon lord and back. "What happened here?"

"He...I..." Kagome struggled against a fresh wave of tears. "It's a

long story." She looked over at Sesshoumaru as well. "Could we please bury

him here?" The very thought of just leaving him there to decompose and

fall prey to insects made her ill inside. He deserved a proper burial,

a final resting place...and it would give her closure, knowing he would

be safe.

Inuyasha bit his lower lip, showing a set of bloodstained fangs. He

had a scrape on his cheek that leaked a bloody tear down his chin. A wipe

from his sleeve removed it. "I was supposed to kill his ass...this just

doesn't feel right."

"You didn't know him that well, did you?"

"Keh!" He made a face and decided to interest himself with a pebble

stuck to his bare foot. Kagome almost reached out to touch his hair, but

pulled back when he faced her, "We'll need to wrap him in something first.

Otherwise he'll stink up the clearing and attract carrion eaters."

Sesshoumaru smells like roses. Kagome pushed her hair up off

her neck and closed her eyes, mentally exhausted. She suddenly felt small

and vulnerable. "We can use my sleeping bag. It'll fit around him with

room to spare."

"Mm." Inuyasha dashed out of the clearing to retrieve said sleeping

bag. He stopped beside it when Sesshoumaru's familiar scent invaded his

nose. Curious, he grabbed the edge and spread it open. The cotton lining

was all burgundy, completely soaked in dried blood. A nauseated shiver

ran down Inuyasha's spine, making him avert his eyes. He spotted the campfire

remains and Kagome's backpack. Faint traces of ramen hung in the air.

Poor Kagome...she must've tried to help him. He looks like he left

for the clearing and died there, probably while she was asleep. She seems

so upset though, this doesn't make sense! She cares too much about people,

it gets her hurt.

The half demon reappeared in the clearing, his face unreadable. He spread

the sleeping bag out on the ground next to Kagome. "Here. Can you move

him or do I have to?"

This was the moment Kagome dreaded. She forced herself to nod. "I-I

think so, I helped him get onto the sleeping bag after I found him hurt."

"Good." Inuyasha's hair fell in his eyes, half hiding the jealousy in

them. "Then move him, I'm gonna dig there."

Kagome soon discovered moving a dead body was radically different from

moving a live one. Last time, Sesshoumaru could carry some of his own weight.

This time he just hung there, no resistance to keep his head and shoulders

from slumping back at unnatural angles. Kagome opted for looping her arms

around him from behind, letting his head fall forward onto his chest. She

couldn't pick him up, but she could slide him backwards onto the soft nylon

and cotton.

A few moments later found the demon lord's body resting on the sleeping

bag, hair re-combed and clothes straightened.

Kagome stole a glance over at Inuyasha. He was busy digging like a playful

dog in the grass, his back to her. Clouds of dirt and blades of grass mixed

with white flowers flew out from between his legs. If the reason for his

dig wasn't such a sad one, Kagome would've laughed at his posture.

Kagome took Sesshoumaru's hand and held it in both of hers. "I'll never

forget you. I hope you found Rin and I hope the moon is as beautiful as

she made it sound. Wish you could tell me you made it."

Inuyasha snorted and tried not to listen.

The miko paused, as if waiting for a response. She brushed her hand

over Sesshoumaru's cheek, stroking his bottom lip with her thumb. A sad

smile curled her mouth and she lowered his hand to his chest, smoothing

his long fingers down. He looks so peaceful.

She bent to press a last, gentle kiss on his small lips. They were cold

and dry. "Good night, Sesshoumaru," a hot lump formed in her throat, cracking

her voice. Her resolves were failing. "sleep well."

Kagome reached for the edges of the sleeping bag, took a last look at

him and pulled the cover over his head. Sesshoumaru's peaceful white face

disappeared under a layer of nylon.

Inuyasha jammed his Tetsusaiga into the dirt he just finished piling

up. Sweat and soil clung to his skin and clothes, making his hair sag against

his forehead. Though dirty, it was still shiny silver. Jealousy twisted

inside him when he saw Kagome still sitting next to Sesshoumaru's wrapped

body. He wanted to be her first kiss, her first lover, her first -

"Inuyasha...when you put him in the grave, please don't drop him." She

looked over, sadness in her eyes. "Please be gentle."

He shot her a skeptical look. "He's dead, it's not like he'll care."

"Inuyasha! Please...have some respect."

Girls, Inuyasha rolled his eyes skyward. But Kagome looked so

sad that he pushed the thought aside. If it made Kagome happy, he'd do

it. Anything to win her smile.

He dug out another foot near the head of the grave so he wouldn't have

to drop Sesshoumaru's corpse down the hole. If he had his way, he'd toss

Sesshoumaru's body off a cliff just to see how many rocks he'd bounce off

of before he hit the bottom.

Because the fucking idiot deserves it. Inuyasha gritted his teeth

as heat burned the back of his throat. His ears flattened against his head,

almost vanishing in his eternally tousled hair. He hated me because

I was half human, he hated me because the old man died protecting me and

he hated me because I cut off his stupid arm. Oh well, it was mutual.

He narrowed his gilded eyes, I won't grieve for his sorry ass.

His claws tore at the soil, ripping out roots and rocks. Dirt clung

to his hair, making his ears twitch. I won't miss him. I'll forget he

ever existed and get on with my life.

But by the time Inuyasha finished digging, his face was soaked in tears.

He

was my brother. I wanted to be what he was. I...wanted to be him.

"Inuyasha?"

"I'm fine! I just smashed my finger on a damn rock," he lied.

Kagome appeared at the edge of the hole, "Are you okay?"

Inuyasha kept his back to her, his fingers still curled in the dirt.

He breathed in to keep his voice steady. "I'm fine. Leave me alone."

She held her bottom limp firmly between her teeth, but left him alone.

He had to grieve his own way, just like she did.

Bitterly, Inuyasha worked a small stone from the soil and laid his hand

flat. He raised the stone and smashed it on his left index finger, chewing

his lip to avoid making noise. He'd call me a sniveling, pathetic fool

if he saw me like this. Inuyasha looked down at the bloody scrape just

under his nail cuticle. He wanted to lick it, but Kagome always got on

his case if he licked his dirty fingers around her.

He wiped his face on his sleeves, climbed out of the grave and shook

off like a wet dog. Dirt flew in all directions and his hair whipped around

him in a swirl of silver. "Let's get him in the ground before he attracts

flies."

Kagome nodded once and stood up, having said all her goodbyes. She watched

Inuyasha scoop Sesshoumaru's body off the grass and climb down into the

grave. He laid him down gently, looking up for her approval. She offered

it with a nod and he crawled back out with a soft huff. Turning his back

on the grave, Inuyasha squatted down and started shoving the dirt into

the hole.

Kagome couldn't watch this part. Her eyes wandered skyward and she tried

to shut out the sounds of dirt piling on nylon. She hugged herself and

imagined the demon lord behind her, his hand on her shoulder and his solid

weight against her back. The satin swish of his hair and his quiet eyes.

What-if's and what-could-have-been's piled up in her mind like Jenga blocks.

It all felt so unfair.

When he finished covering the grave, Inuyasha noticed Toukijin and Tensaiga

lying near the tree. The once shiny, magnificent swords were tarnished

and old-looking. Probably changed right after he died. He reached

a cautious hand out and touched the blades. They didn't shock him. Whatever

auras used to reside there left when Sesshoumaru died.

Inuyasha elevated both swords and impaled the center of the mound. The

blades formed a vague "X".

Picking up Tetsusaiga, he carved a crescent moon into the tree's bark,

the only way to tell the world who was buried here. ...goodbye, Sesshoumaru.

His face remained unusually expressionless as he rested his sword on his

shoulder. "It's done."

Kagome looked over to see a neat little mound at the foot of the large,

lone black pine tree right smack in the clearing's center. The sun would

always shine on the grave, regardless of the time of year. The swords extending

from the mound gave it an almost mythical feel. Sunlight danced off the

tarnished blades.

Her eyes wandered sideways to spot the little flower she found tucked

behind Sesshoumaru's ear. She picked it up and laid it on the grave, nestling

it between where the blades met in the ground so the wind couldn't blow

it away.

"Inuyasha, thank you." She reached over and hugged him. "Where are the

others?"

"They're on their way. Sango has a broken leg and it's slowing everybody

else down. Shippou's with 'em. He's a little beat up, but he's okay." Inuyasha

stared at her through his silver hair. She kept hanging on him. "C'mon,

Kagome..." He felt heat spread through his cheeks at her scent. "What happened?

Tell me."

A weak smile pulled at her lips. She reached out and patted some dirt

off his shoulder. "Only if you promise to take a bath later."

"Aw!" Inuyasha rolled his eyes. Then he realized he DID smell a bit

ripe. "Okay, I'll take a bath after you tell me all this. Happy?"

Kagome nodded, put her head down on his shoulder and told the whole

story. All of it, save the parts Sesshoumaru asked her to omit. When she

finished, Inuyasha's jealousy melted away. He sat down and let Kagome hug

him, smiling when she fell asleep in his arms.

Soon, she would return to her own time. As much as Inuyasha cared about

her, he knew she didn't belong in this time any more than he belonged in

hers. No amount of begging, screaming or complaining would convince her

to stay with him.

Inuyasha pressed his warm lips to Kagome's forehead. For now, he was

just content to hold her.

- Modern day, one month since the sealing of the well. -

Kagome checked her reflection in the mirror on her locker door. Her

eyes were sagging and her hair was a little tousled from gym class. A quick

fix with her comb set the rogue locks back into place. She put the comb

down and gazed at the photo of Inuyasha and the gang she'd taped just below

the mirror.

A smile formed when she recalled showing them the camera.

Inuyasha was the first to grab and sniff it. Turning it over in his

hands, he examined every inch of the odd object. It had a button. He pressed

it and wound up scaring himself with the flash.

"There's lightning in this thing!" He complained, shoving it back

at Kagome.

"No, it's.....hard to explain. But look." Kagome showed Inuyasha

the photo that came from the slot on the bottom. One large, amber eye and

a fringe of silver hair filled the photograph. "Think of it as really fast

artwork."

"Keh!"

In the end, she got them together for a group shot. Miroku had his hand

on Sango's butt, Sango looked ready to slap him, Shippou wore a huge grin

because Kirara was licking his cheek and Inuyasha showed a mischievous

smile. Just so.....them. They wouldn't let her leave until she gave

them a photo of herself. Then Miroku used the camera to photograph Sango's

backside...and as predicted he got himself punched.

Leaving them behind was the hardest thing she had to do. Shippou was

especially upset. Inuyasha feigned indifference until they reached the

well, then he reached out and pulled her into a tight hug. She still clearly

remembered feeling the two teardrops he shed against her neck.

Kagome also had one photo of Sesshoumaru.

Actually, she hadn't intended to photograph him, he just happened to

be there. She was trying take a picture of a cute little fawn sleeping

under a tree. It'd been a dark night and she didn't think to check behind

the tree line. So when the flash went off it gleamed off silver hair and

amber eyes. The demon lord probably wasn't more than a few feet away!

She remembered him hissing through his teeth and rubbing his eyes afterward,

his night vision spoiled by the bright light. Never in her life did she

run faster than when she ran away from him.

In the photo, his hair really stood out. A bright gray-silver sheen

spilling down over the branches. He had his head turned at a three-fourths

angle, but his half-closed eyes were right on her. The flash made his pupils

come out neon red. His expression was hard to distinguish, but one could

just make out his slightly open mouth. He looked as if the flash jerked

him out of a sound sleep. His pasty skin looked so washed out in the photo

that it almost blended with his white kimono. The stripes and crescent

moon markings on his face were dark, indistinct blurs.

Honestly, it wasn't a very flattering picture. It didn't capture him

properly at all. But it was the only one she had of him, so she treasured

it.

He was so gorgeous in person...but not very photogenic. Funny, I

never imagined him as the type who came out looking a little dorky in pictures.

Kagome mused to herself. She touched the photo affectionately. He'd

hate this if he saw it. Maybe if I'd known he was there and didn't use

a flash. Bah, he'd probably hate being photographed at all.

For the longest time she couldn't even think about the picture without

her eyes blurring. Now, it just made her throat clutch and stirred the

ache in her heart. He was the one man she wanted, and she couldn't have

him. He was buried somewhere in a forgotten grave. Never to be found again.

For all she knew someone built a freeway over it, or dug it up and cast

the remains aside as trash so some rich man could erect a skyscraper.

She looked once more at the group picture and closed her locker. The

lock clicked into place, signaling it was secure.

"Hey! Kagome!"

Kagome's head turned, "Oh, hi Yuka!" She raised a hand to wave. "Are

you going to the park to watch the eclipse tonight?"

"I sure am! Seven o'clock sharp, okay?" Yuka fluffed her hair, sticking

out her tongue. "Maybe Hojou will be there."

"Ugh, I hope not." Sighing, Kagome picked up her bookbag and straightened

her jade-green skirt. She felt suddenly old. Ages older than her teens.

"I'll never get any notes down if he's hanging over me all night."

"You still won't give him a chance?"

Kagome shook her head, sighing. "Just not right now." Oh how badly she

longed to just tell the whole story. About Sesshoumaru, the gang, everything.

The pain was still so new and searing. She put on a fake smile for Yuka

and headed on out of the building.

Telescopes, red lights and many bodies bent over paper littered the

grass at the park. Somebody sneezed. A few girls giggled. Two nerds fought

over which magnification was best for viewing the moon. The area smelled

like warm fast food, coffee and fresh dew.

Kagome approached cautiously, watching for signs of her noisy friends

and Hojou. She didn't feel like talking to any of them and she was sure

they'd explode into a bunch of questions the minute they noticed her. All

they ever wanted to hear were details on her mysterious and rare illnesses.

The truth...they'd never believe the truth. She knew she wouldn't if someone

else came up to her with the same story.

I was sick...lovesick. She mused. We were both foolish for

not admitting what we really felt until the last second. But...at least

he knew. He died with someone loving him instead of alone and cold.

The moon rose like a silver pearl over the trees. Already halfway covered

by the Earth's shadow, it had a rusty cast and looked smaller than usual.

Kagome glanced over to watch it, her fists tightening on the bike's handlebars.

"Rin believed there were white flowers on the moon...and that they

caused its nightly glow. She wanted to travel there and pick some for me.

Then she asked me if Heaven existed on the moon."

A sad smile played on Kagome's lips as she watched the moon climb higher.

As long as she lived she would never forget that low, velvety voice.

"......I thought you said she'd be here." Ayumi's voice cut into her

thoughts.

"C'mon, let's check the bathrooms." Yuka replied, "Maybe she's sick

again."

Both started looking around.

Crap. I can't deal with them right now. Not yet. Kagome hopped

onto her bike and rode into the grove of trees at the edge of the park.

Bushes and branches scraped at her legs. Her bike basket rattled on the

rocky terrain. She rode until the voices became distant echoes and the

only light to see by came from the moon.

A break in the trees signaled a clearing. The overgrowth made her wonder

how long it'd been since anyone walked in this place. During the day the

bushes looked a lot thicker than they really were. People probably didn't

dare venture into them like she did.

Kagome looked up and realized she could see the moon perfectly above

the treetops. Its light shined down on her face, shimmering off her hair

and eyes. The whole dew-covered clearing was bathed in shades of silver,

gray and blue. Like it used to be beyond the well.

She blinked, noticing a faint sheen to her left. It came from under

a large pine tree sitting all by itself in the middle of the clearing.

Setting her bike down, Kagome walked over to investigate. Her eyes soon

beheld the broken, tarnished remains of two swords. Their handles probably

rusted off ages ago, leaving just the blades behind.

The swords formed a vague "X".

Kagome's eyes widened. It can't be...

She rushed to tear down the vines growing around the tree. The twisted

stems and leaves fell away, revealing a crescent moon carved into the bark.

Her eyes blurred and she closed her fists. The mound was gone, flattened

by time, but the blades and sigil remained. Like her love for him, time

couldn't touch them.

Of all the friends she had beyond the well, Sesshoumaru became the only

one whose resting place she knew about. Even in death he was an untouchable

constant who wouldn't fully leave.

She was glad for that.

It was hard to picture Sesshoumaru lying under the dirt. He was probably

a pile of bones mingled in roots now, but somehow she couldn't picture

it. Her mind would only imagine him as he was the last time she saw him

- pale, cold and still, looking regal for his final journey.

Even then she kept separating him from the body she held in flower patch

and the body buried the ground. No, her Sesshoumaru was off somewhere safe.

Safe, happy and peaceful.

"I found you..." she let her forehead rest on the rough bark, weeping

softly. The grass was cold and damp against her bare knees. "I thought

I'd accepted it. I thought I was ready...but I'm scared. Everybody I meet

I'm going to compare to you. That's not fair to them. What do I do?"

No reply, save for a soft breeze ruffling her hair and making the leaves

shiver.

"Sesshoumaru..." Kagome gazed up at the moon, which now formed a perfect

crescent. For the briefest moment she imagined a glowing, unclothed Sesshoumaru

standing in the sky. His eyes were the stars and his silver hair became

the moonlight. It blew around him like a shroud, shielding him. The eclipsed

moon scintillated in the middle of his forehead. He seemed to be looking

down his nose at her, his amber eyes impassive. Typical. His image tilted

its head to look at something behind her and faded from her mind like a

morning star into dawn.

Something white flickered at the edge of her vision. Her dark eyes shifted

over to the swords.

A single, solitary moonflower was growing where the crossed blades met

in the ground. Right on the spot where Kagome put the yellow flower she

found in his hair. It seemed impossible that a flower could survive there,

but somehow this one did.

New tears flooded Kagome's cheeks. There was the sign she wished for.

Sesshoumaru was okay. He made it to Rin and they were together in Heaven.

Together on the moon. She smiled slightly, hugged herself and climbed onto

her bike. She didn't want Hojou or the others to come looking for her and

stumble onto the grave. This was her sacred secret.

Though her heart still ached, Kagome knew it was okay to let it heal.

She would find love again, someday, but Sesshoumaru would always be her

first.

Looking once more at the dew-covered moonflower, she smiled and rode

off to face the world.