Cerulean Dreams by Massao-na-Mizu

Cerulean Dreams

"Memories are hard to forget;

Painful ones are harder."

Biting her lips together, she sighed in frustration. She was already there, and her fiancé was nowhere to be found. She searched for her cell phone and quickly dialed his number.

Ringing was heard in her ears as she impatiently waited for him to pick up. At last he did.

"Moshi, moshi." He greeted her.

"And just where are you?" She demanded from him. She heard him gulp.

"Um... There was some trouble in the company and I had to attend an emergency meeting. But I'll be there by tomorrow." He said, almost in a pleading voice.

She was all heated up by now by anger. "Maybe we should cancel the engagement. Maybe we shouldn't be together considering I'm not one of your most important priorities!" She shouted at the phone, earning weird stares from passers-by, but she ignored them.

"I'm really sorry, Kagome. But I have to do this, it's for our future," he reasoned with her.

"Fine. Stick to your business and maybe we won't have a future," she said coolly, the cold weather doing nothing for her burning anger of a mood.

"Woman, be reasonable! Please! I promise that after the meeting I'll go straight to that resort!" He made a promise. And that she knew he wouldn't break. It was just not him...

Unlike Sesshoumaru...

Wait. She hadn't thought of that. Hell, she had forgotten about him. He was a part of her past... The past she so wanted to forget.

She sighed and tried to calm down. "Okay," she said calmly. She heard him sigh in relief.

"Thanks! I'll make it up to you!" He said to her in that voice which she was so used to hearing before he kissed her. Probably because it was so gentle, and heart-felt. Maybe that was why she had fallen for him.

They both hung up and she went to the lobby to get the key for their room. She walked there calmly, all the time in her hands. Kagome smiled at a person after receiving one. It was a service person.

"How may I help you, ma'am?" the woman asked politely.

"I'm here to get the keys for the reservation of Kagome Higurashi and Kouga Kakeshi." She politely stated. The woman smiled and gave her the keys, giving her the exact directions to the room. She thanked her and walked away toward the elevator, her bag slung on her right shoulder.

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From the moment he saw her, he knew it was her. The way she unconsciously swayed her hips in a seductive manner, her long, wavy black hair, and her lips...

He could never mistake her for anybody else, not with those full, rose-colored lips. Those lips which he had tasted so many times that it had marred his mouth, the taste still imprinted inside.

And if that wasn't clue enough, her remarkable and unique cerulean blue eyes were a very very helpful clue to who she was. And she acted so nonchalant of her beauty! She was dressed in dark blue pants that accentuated her eyes even more. Beneath the open blue jacket was a simple, form-fitting white shirt that was very thin. Her breasts had developed even more and now the cleavage was being shown off because of the low neckline.

He was angered by the other looks men were giving her: full of lust and want. "They could not have *his* Kagome!!!" his mind shouted at him.

But he knew... she was not his... Not any more. After what he'd done to her, at that moment of emotional and physical turmoil...

She was now at the lobby counter, her back to him. His gaze floated to her lower back... Ah! He was almost drooling. He had to talk to her! Even just look at her closely! Screw being engaged with Ashime. Screw his pride. Screw that this might bring back disregarded memories.

As she made her way to the elevator, so did her follower. The doors were almost closed, but he pushed the button and it reopened, revealing Kagome.

She looked at him, utterly shocked. Sesshoumaru nodded in her direction with indifferent eyes and she turned away, her face blank but her eyes telling everything.

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As she waited for the elevator doors to close, she did not expect anyone from her past to just pop in and nod to her indifferently.

`What is he doing here?' her mind shouted, her past that she preferred to overlook flashing before her like a low-quality movie.

She tried to calm herself down; the only thing she tried to think about was looking forward to seeing Kouga and spending time with him.

`Kouga...' Her eyes softened quickly. All the painful memories seemed to scatter until they were all erased from her mind. Kouga had made her forget...all the difficult times she had to go through. Alone. But after the very last painful blow, he had helped her heal, little by little, but the effect was embedding.

She did not bother to look in his direction, or to strike a conversation with him. She just remained quiet, silently cursing the resort-hotel for having twenty-one stories and the fact that she was staying on the twentieth.

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He watched with faint amusement as she fought with her emotions when suddenly her eyes softened until her face turned blank. What had happened? Why was it that, all of a sudden, she remotely ignored his presence? His existence?

`Like what you have done to her.' His inner voice murmured softly into his ear. When he had left her alone like the coward he suspected he really was. She wasn't even trying to strike conversation like she normally did.

Did she hate him so much that she would ignore him? Then he supposed he had to be the one to start up a conversation.

He wanted to say or ask the words: been a long time, isn't it? But he had the feeling that she would say, `Obviously not long enough to evade you.'

So, instead, he settled for straightforward questions. "Who is with you?" He asked her in a blank tone. There, simple. No hidden meaning. Not that he would let her know.

She didn't seem surprised. Didn't even blink. "My fiancé, Kouga Kakeshi," she told him in a clear-cut voice.

He nodded his head. She had moved on... And so had he, right? He was not planning to ask anymore questions and was eager to go back into his room on the twentieth floor.

"And you?" she asked him ever so suddenly he almost didn't hear it.

"My fiancée, Ashime Himitsu," he told her. It was her turn to nod her head. Everything was getting too awkward. He had an urge to be proud, to boast that he was engaged to a woman that people knew and whose beauty they acknowledged. Unlike her... A hidden beauty; but, nonetheless,

even more captivating.

She smiled at him, gratifying him with the honor of her sweet, gentle smile. "I'm happy for you then. It looks as though we are both headed for the lane of happiness. I hope that you'll be happy," she said to him with no trace of the pain or hurt that would have been there if he had mentioned that before.

He nodded his head. "Thank you. I wish you happiness with your fiancé."

She nodded, acknowledging that he meant that they were not to be.

At last, the twentieth floor opened to them. Kagome gave him another smile, saying soft, gentle words that meant "goodbye.*"

They turned their separate ways and headed to their rooms. Kagome didn't think of it anymore. But Sesshoumaru did as he tried to erase it from his memory.

It had meant something. He was not entirely of the cage that was his past; rather, he was only trying to feign freedom.

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It was getting boring and she needed to get out. She grasped her small blue purse that had her keys and money and walked out of the room, heading straight for the balcony. As she made her way to the open space, the wind blew her hair, caressing her face.

"Where's you fiancé?" a male voice asked and she almost jumped. She giggled nervously, looking at Sesshoumaru's profile. His face was facing the mountains, creating a warm atmosphere around him.

"Oh. Kouga? He's coming here tomorrow. He had a so-called 'emergency' meeting and couldn't go with me. We were supposed to meet today, but, well, the plan was aborted." She explained, smiling. He blinked but didn't speak.

"How about you? Where's your fiancée?" she asked him. He blinked again before rewarding her with his answer.

"Going to catch up. She has some photo shooting. But we have an agreement for after we get married; she will take care of our children. Future children, that is," he responded casually. Kagome nodded in acceptance of his answer.

She always accepted him. Not for what he was but who he was. Now was just a brief example of it. She rested her chin on her palm as she leaned on the balcony railing. She let her hair flow with the air. Sesshoumaru's was doing the same.

From the corner of her eyes, she looked at Sesshoumaru. Almost nothing had changed in his appearance. Long, silver-white hair, golden eyes, and porcelain skin. Except now he had a gentler look on his face. Like everything had just gotten better. Kagome smiled as she faced the mountains. Everything had gotten better.

"Why are you smiling?" he asked, looking squarely at her face. She didn't look back. She just shook her head and smiled again. Actually, the smile hadn't faded, it had just gotten bigger.

"Nani mo nai.*" She told him. One doesn't have to have a reason to put a smile on their face, right? A smile hides all the pain one has suffered. And she hid it exceptionally well.

"Really? Isn't there a reason behind everything?" he asked her again. She faced him, the wind blowing soft strands of hair in her face and blowing it out again. Her eyes were fixed on his. He'd never wanted to be alone with anyone so badly.

"There is no need to be so deep. Sometimes, you don't have to have a reason to do something. Like an act of kindness. It is not deserved, it is given freely," she explained to him. Although he generally was more intellectual than her, every now-and-again, she surprised him with her airy comments and wise answers.

"But more often than not, there is a reason. And some reasons are better kept inside your self than said," he blurted out. He didn't know why he said it. It had just flown out of his mouth.

She nodded her head. "I know. That is why I never asked why you left me back then." That was her statement; ever so softly said, not a trace of hindrance, deceit, or detestation. It was said as a matter-of-fact statement, not to hurt or to stab knives in the heart.

"I see." He said quietly. That was why he never explained. Because she never really asked; because she understood more than he did in some points of the incident.

"Memories are hard to forget; painful ones are harder. But you see I don't regret having to bear it in my soul. It makes me stronger. If it ever replays or happens again, I know what to do. You might think of me as a masochist because I'm saying that I should be prepared if it does happen again, and you may be thinking that I wish it might or something... but I don't." She chuckled to herself softly.

"No, not at all," He whispered so gently that she almost didn't believe he had said it. It was only twice she had heard that tone before and those times were ever so delicate. She looked at him and he looked back, not breaking eye contact. He reached for her face, tracing her jaw line and cheek bones with his finger and doing the same on her lips with his thumb. She looked at him so tenderly, her eyes fluttering closed once in a while. No, they could not let their lips meet, nor touch, for it would be like a binding they would have to contemplate all their lives.

Instead, he pulled her closer into a tight embrace. She yielded, giving in herself. "I'll always love you. A part of me will always belong to you," he murmured softly. It had hurt to hear those words, for they could not be together. At least, not in this lifetime.

"I do, too." She murmured back, pulling him tighter to her. They could not separate forever. They would always be in each other's heart, no matter what happened. It was the unspoken truth.

When they did separate, Sesshoumaru leaned and kissed her forehead, brushing it so gently Kagome barely felt it, and yet, her heart fluttered all the same. It would never happen again, but it would be a memory they would not forget. And could never.

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On the plane....

Sesshoumaru looked out the window as he thought of her... and the moment they had shared the week before. It had been tender, full of love. And even if it did hurt, they could not be together. They would be separated from each other, but not forever... Just not in this life time.

He opened a piece of paper she had given him and saw that it was a poem

named Black Rose, her nick-name for him. He read it.

I wonder where you could be,

Following the wind that you can't see

Trying to find

Some thing you had never known

Tell me, what are you finding?

Knowledge of the world

Tranquility in your heart

Strength to face the harsh truth

Do you not find peace within my arms?

Content upon our dwelling

Strength to face the harsh truth

is that why you left me...?

All alone, trying to find the warmth you had given me before

Trying to forget, and yet hurting myself in the process

Without even saying goodbye you left me

And yet...

As that of a fool I am...

I hope...

I wish...

No, I believe...

That someday,

You will come back to me,

My black rose,

Into my outstretched arms

And kiss my longing lips

When you close your eyes,

Do you see my face?

When you sleep

Do you dream of me?

Do you wish upon the stars, that I could be in your arms?

Do you, as I do, miss me?

Do you think of me when you see roses that I love?

And, the question I most ponder...

Will you ever come back to me?

What ever happens,

I will continue to hope

I will continue to dream

And wish that I could finally be in the arms of my beloved Black rose

Massao na*

Owari

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Asterisks: At the first asterisk, the sentence had said, 'words that meant' meaning, she had not said the word goodbye, in English, but in Japanese. So she had truly said, 'Sayonara'. Just giving it a deeper meaning. ^_^

Nani mo nai- Nothing.

The poem, it was supposed to be a gift I had created for my um... Anyway, I put my penname there coz I thought it would be a suitable nick name for Kagome. I had the idea of my pen name actually from this fic I had created long ago, just didn't want to release it back then. It means deep blue. As in her eyes.

Well, hope you liked it! ^_^