The deadly dream (updated) by Lady_Dark_Kitten
Chapter One
A/N all altered songs will be shown unaltered at the end of the story
Song by Moby: 'Porcelain'
Sesshoumaru woke with a start; he hit the futon and cursed. He threw the blanket off of him and walked to the balcony. He watched the moon and hit the rail. That dream again. He thought on it.
"Stupid girl..." he threw a robe on and opened the door to walk the halls for another night.
{In my dreams I'm dying all the time.
As I wake its kaleidoscopic mind.
I never meant to hurt you...}
He walked to his study then he checked on Rin. He walked to the dining hall; he cursed him self and walked out. He walked the gardens for hours. Hating her, hating him self. He grumbled and went back inside the same way he always went. He stopped in front of her old room.
{I never meant to lie.
So this is goodbye.
This is goodbye...}
He stepped in like he'd done so many nights before. Why did he tell her that Inuyasha was still alive? He cursed again; he should never have said that.
{Flash back}
He flipped his good for nothing half brother off of Kagome then he plucked the girl from the blood stained ground. He ran a hand over her face he must be ill to love a human; he thought to him self. He coiled his tail around her and took off just. As everyone else arrived he was out of sight.
He landed on his balcony and walked down one of the many long halls barking orders at his servants. He opened a room that was kept ready for ambassadors. He laid her on the bed and ordered a servant to stand out side her door and tell him when she woke.
Later that day a servant came running, Sesshoumaru didn't have to ask why. He quickly turned out of his study and walked to her room wondering how to get her to stay. When he entered she had bathed and was in clean clothes.
"Sesshoumaru..." he nodded and sat next to her on the futon her eyes widened realizing how she must have got here. "Is Inuyasha ok?" he frowned.
"Yes..." she looked at the door and furrowed her brow.
"Then why am I here." He looked at the door for a moment.
"You where fatally wounded I was the only one close enough to heal you, but I had left my Tenseiga here." She nodded; he had always deemed the sword worthless so the fact that it could be a lie never crossed my mind.
"Did they say when they would come to get me?" he shook his head. She nodded and frowned. She must have thought that Inuyasha was to injured to move or something of the like, for she questioned him no more.
{End}
He sighed as he walked in closing the door behind him and sat on the futon. He looked around; he had wooed her and 'earned' her love. But then her friends found her. Soon he would have spelled her to completely forget about them and think that she had always been here with him.
{Tell the truth you never wanted me.
Tell me.}
She did love him right? He looked at a painting she made for him. She was a very talented girl. And he loved her, his jaw tightened and he stood up and left the room slamming the door behind him leaving small gouge marks on the door where he carelessly clawed the door.
{In my dreams I'm jealous all the time.
As I wake I'm going out of my mind.}
He walked back to his room and lay down on his bed dreading sleep, but he had only slept 2 hours the entire week. He needed sleep, when he did fall to sleep once again he entered that hellish dream. Kagome's staring down on him standing tall and deadly fire framing her perfect figure; he could feel broken bones. There where so many he couldn't move. She smiled evilly at him and raised her blood-covered sword. He knew he was next but just as the sword came down on him he woke. He clenched his jaw shaking.
"GOD DAMN THAT GIRL!" he looked around. This must be the fine line between love and hate he thought as he looked out the window. It was dawn he had to work so he got up and wished again that one of three things would happen.
He would die.
He could sleep.
She would come back to him.
{Going out of my mind.}
~Kagome~
She sat up with Sango watching the stars. Her heart twisted as and unbidden image of her and Sesshoumaru doing the same flashed in her mind. She must have flinched or something because Sango looked at her.
"Kagome are you ok?" she nodded. And looked at Sango and plastered a smile on her face.
"I'm fine, it will just take some time." Sango nodded assuming that she was talking about Inuyasha's death.
She was but she was also referring to Sesshoumaru, he lied to her. She felt her heart tighten. She should have expected it... because he was a cold asshole! She sighed and lay down on the grass. Sango looked at the sky.
"Do you think we're strong enough with out him?" Kagome looked at her and frowned.
"I hope so." Sango got up and stretched.
"I'm going to go back to the fire, you comen'?" Kagome looked back at the sky and shook her head. "Ok." Sango turned around and walked back into the firelight.
Kagome closed her eyes willing the pain away. {God please make it stop; make me believe that this doesn't hurt, that I don't want him anymore, that I don't need him.} She sat up and looked back at the fire. She didn't want the light to touch her; her mood was to dark for her to enjoy the light of a fire.
Later when they let the fire die and they slept she stood up and walked over to her sleeping bag. She crawled in and closed her eyes. She tossed and turned; she just couldn't get comfortable. Finally she gave up and just lay there. Sleep wasn't her specialty lately; she had only had a nights worth of sleep the entire week. She wanted someone warm to lie next to. She pushed that thought away she didn't want him she told her self. When she finally drifted off she dreamed of him.
She woke up before the sun had thought about rising. She sighed and wished that she could sleep just a bit more. She tried for an hour and finally gave up; she was too anger about not getting more sleep to get any more sleep. When there was enough light she stood up and grabbed a book you of her bag to see if she could get some work done. Despite her emotional distractions she was catching up on her work.
She worked fervently trying to get as much done as she could before the others woke. But she took a few moments to look you over the flower spotted field below her. She tried to work some more but her eyes kept getting drawn back to the field. She sighed and closed her book setting it aside for the time being. She watched the wind dance with the flowers dance until she felt a hand on her arm. She looked over to see Shippo standing next to her.
"Kagome everyone's getting up. Could you make some breakfast?" she nodded and looked at the flowers one more time before she fallowed the kit back to the camp.
Kagome sat silently as she ate. Everyone watched her till she looked up then they where paying more attention to there food that anything else. She smirked and shook her head; she knew that they had been watching her. She knew why they where watching her, they put their stuff down as Kagome quickly downed hers and took a plastic bag out of her backpack. She stuffed her garbage in it then she handed it around. When it came back to her she stuffed it in her pack.
"We better get going." Everyone nodded as she stood and hefted her pack on to her bike tying it down tight.
On the way back to the hut they wondered how Kaede was going to react to Inuyasha's death. They tried to make small talk but it was useless Kagome just couldn't bring her self to say anything. Her heart was too heavy as she saw flashes of Sesshoumaru's face. If only he hadn't lied to her... she shook the thought away as they turned the bend to see Kaede sitting out side the hut. She frowned when she didn't see Inuyasha with them.
"Where's Inuyasha?" Kagome got off her bike and watched the ground as she walked up to the hut leaning the bike against it. Kaede looked to the others her face scrunched up in confutation.
"He was killed a few weeks ago." The old miko's eyes widened as she looked at Kagomes tear filled eyes.
"He's what?" Inuyasha's not here and his brother lied to her. It's not just that he lied; he lied to her about Inuyasha. And everything they had was based on a lie. Did he really think he was going to get away with it?
"I have to go I have a test tomorrow and I have things I have to turn in." she picked up her bag and trudged to the well.
She made her walk swift and short. When she got to the well she felt like her legs where going to give out so she knelt next to the well. She still couldn't believe Inuyasha was gone. She sat there holding the edge of the wall staring at the grass; her bag next to her. When she left him a piece of him was left in her or was it her that left behind and she tried to ignore the empty part of her that it caused. She pulled her self up to look into the well. She took a deep breath and dried her tears on her cheek. She climbed up on the wall of the well, stupid boys' she thought bitterly as she dropped in the well.
She landed gently on the other side and climbed up on the latter. She heaved her bag over the wall when she was near enough to the top. She stopped just before she was about to lift her self out she looked at the bones scattered on the bottom only rubbing salt in her emotional injuries.
She shook her head and lifted her self out of the well. She picked up her pack and opened the door; she looked around for a moment. The light was starting to fade as the sunset splashing the sky with purples and reds. She looked away from the sky as she walked toward the house and opened the door.
"Mama..." she walked in and closed the door. "I'm home." Her mother poked her head in the kitchen and smiled. She walked in and her smile faded as she saw Kagomes expression.
"Kagome are you ok?" Kagomes eyes filled with tears and she dropped her bag. She walked weakly to her mother and started to sob as Miss. Higurashi pulled her close. "Kagome what happened?" but she couldn't get the words out; she looked up at her mother and the woman smiled sympathetically at her. "Sit down I'll make you some coco." Kagome nodded and pulled out a chair.
She watched her mother bustle about the kitchen as she dried her eyes on her sleeves trying to calm her self. Her mother pulled a cup of hot water out of the microwave and mixed the powdered coco in. she grabbed a spoon and walked over to the table as she stirred it. She sat and handed her flushed daughter the mug.
"Thank you mama." She took a drink and looked at her mother.
"What happened?" Kagome bit her lip trying to hold the tears back so she could tell her mother.
"Inu..." her eyes started to brim with tears. "Inuyasha was killed." Miss Higurashi eyes widened.
"How?" Kagome shook her head.
"I don't know I must have hit my head..." her mother narrowed her eye. "And the others weren't there when it happened." Kagome broke down again just as her little brother walked in. he looked at his sobbing sister then at his mother.
"What happened?" his Miss. Higurashi frowned. She didn't want to upset her son; Inuyasha was the brother he never had.
"Sota..." before she could anything else they watched Kagome get up and dart out of the kitchen.
She ran to her room and slammed the door shut. She stood there for a moment hand still on the doorknob, she took a few deep breaths before she let go and launched her self on her bed. She looked at the clock to see that it was about 10. She pulled her blankets up over her head. She wasn't hungry and she needed sleep; she hoped that a real bed would help.
But it didn't, she lay there all night well aware of the time. At one point she looked at the clock and it was only 3. She groaned and rolled over. Her eyes fluttered open again and she looked at the clock; wow she thought its 5! She rolled out of bed and did more home work till her alarm went off.
Then she went threw the morning routine. She dragged her ass to school and went threw her first period like a zombie. Then during the first break her concern crazed friends pulled her off to the.
"Kagome!" she looked at Eri, Ayumi then Yuka.
"Mmmm." She blinked.
"Are you ok?" Eri touched her shoulder.
"Have you had any sleep?" Kagome shook her head at Yuka.
"Not much." Yuka looked at Ayumi.
"Kagome?" Ayumi walked in front of her. "What wrong?" Kagomes eyes started to well up with tears. The girls looked around and Eri grabbed Kagome by the arm and dragged her into the bathroom across the hall.
"Kagome!" she looked at her friends one at a time as she leaned on the counter.
"Th... that guy that I keep telling you about..." she whipped her tears away. "He was killed." She bit her lip as her friends looked at each other wide eyed
"How?" she spouted the first thing that came to mind.
"He was hit by a car." The three girls eyes widened as Kagomes eyes started to water.
"Ohh my god Kagome are you ok?" she nodded as she whipped her eyes with her sleeve.
"I'll be fine..." the girls crowded around her for a group hug. The girls looked at each other grimly then Eri smiled faintly.
"Hay kagome..." the girl wiped her eyes on her sleeve again and looked at her. "lets go to a movie and get something to eat after school." Kagome's frown waned and she nodded her head. Yuka looked at her watched and tapped Ayumi on the shoulder.
"We have class in 5 minuets." Every one separated and fallowed their daily routine.
They met up after school and Kagomes friends dragged her to see a funny movie to try and give her a measure of relief. After the movie and dinner the girls walked her all the way to her door instead of the bottom of the huge concrete stair cast. They hugged her as she made her way in the house.
Kagome plopped her pack next to the door then stumbled over to the couch flopped on it. She would have fallen asleep had her mother not taped her shoulder. Kagome blinked and looked up as her mother handed her a pillow and blanket. Kagome smiled and curled up slipping off to sleep.
The next day Kagome slowly packed her things. She felt like there was a hundred pound brick on her back. She could feel bad things on the horizon but she shrugged it off as a slight bought of depression. She was on the other side in no time flat. Then they where off.
~ The Wheel card ~
{Missing By Evanescence}
{K} = Kagomes POV {S} = Sesshoumaru's POV
Awhile later Kagome wandered away from everyone and sat on a hill to watch the dark clouds drift threw the sky. She sighed and pulled her knees up to her chin and rested her head on them.
"I just can't win." She could feel tears start to burn her eyes then she felt a presence behind her. She peeked over her shoulder to see Sesshoumaru's tall pail form; she snorted.
"Kagome..." she sighed at his even tone and turned back around.
"What do you want?" she watched out of the corner of her eye as he walked around her. Kagome looked up when he stopped in front of her.
{K} Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
{S} Maybe someday you'll look up,
And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one:
"Isn't something missing?"
"You." she rolled her eyes letting them settle on the ground again. He crouched in front of her and grabbed her chin. "Kagome." she narrowed her eyes at him. "Tell me you don't want me..." his voice was harsh and his eyes where hard as she pulled away from his touch. "Tell me you don't love me Kagome." she frowned and he grabbed her shoulders pulling her nose-to-nose with him.
"Let me go." Her voice was flat.
"Tell me!" he growled. "Do that and I will never bother you." Kagome furrowed her brow and her frown deepened. She brought her arms up in between his and pushed them away from her. She took a few steps back and balled her fists next to her.
"YOU LIED TO ME!" he pressed his lips together in a slight frown as tears welled in her eyes. "HOW COULD YOU LIE TO ME IF YOU LOVED ME?" Sesshoumaru's eyes darkened.
{S} You won't cry for my absence, I know -
You forgot me long ago.
Am I that unimportant...?
Am I so insignificant...?
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?
"You wouldn't have stayed with me had I not. If your friends had not come you would be living with me and you never would have known this pain." Kagomes tears slowly trickled down her face. His eyes hardened as he narrowed them at her. "You never answered me Kagome." she wrapped her arms around her self.
"I don't have to." She turned her back to him. "What are you going to do kill?" he snagged her by the back of her shirt as she started to walk away.
"How do you know I wont?" Kagome froze. She looked back at him her eyes widening as he narrowed his. "How do you know I wont take you as my mate." He pulled her back against him. "Right here..." he lowered his head next to her ear making her shiver. "Right now." Kagome whimpered. He made a small noise of gratification as he straitened then turned her around taking her by the shoulders. "No I have more honor than that." Kagomes eyes where still wide and she was still shaking.
{S} Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?
"Sesshoumaru let me go." The demon lord raised one delicate eyebrow.
"Only if you answer my 2 simple questions..." Kagome frowned and furrowed her brow wondering what she was going to say. "Do you want me?" Kagome looked away from him but he took her by her chin forcing her to look at him. "Do you love me?" she felt like jello.
"I... I..." Kagome's voice refused to work. Why the hell did he have to scare me like that? He frowned and narrowed his eyes at her.
{K} Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
I know what you do to yourself,
{S} I breathe deep and cry out,
"Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?"
"TELL ME!" he roared as he gave her a slight shake. Her eyes narrowed.
"You lied..." Sesshoumaru started to shake with anger. He was getting tiered of this little game. He started to growl and he reached around grabbing the hair at the nape of her neck surprising her so much she froze. He was careful not to hurt her but if she thought that excuse was going to get her out of this she was mistaken.
"That is not an answer Kagome." as he gently bent her head back exposing her neck to him he moved one hand behind her lower back to support her. He could feel her heart start to race and her sent started to excite him.
"Sesshoumaru..." the girl closed her eyes tightly. "Please..." he snorted.
"What, let go?" She opened her eyes and looked at him as small tears trailed from the corner of her eyes. "Not till you tell me" Kagome closed her eyes again and pressed her lips together; the last thing she wanted to do was anger him. She looked at him her soft chocolate eyes exuding sadness.
"No." he growled and his eyes darkened. Kagome whimpered again.
She found that her limbs worked again so she quickly reached out and grabbed hold of the front of her armor afraid he was just going to drop her. But he didn't. He let go of her neck and pulled her up right. She blinked as she found her self resting her head on his armor. She tried to push away but he was holding her tightly still growling. Kagome swallowed hard and looked up at him. His eyes where still dark and menacing. Kagome started to shiver afraid that he was going to kill her. Instead he let go and stepped away.
"Then go." She pulled her hands up to her chest and stared at him. He narrowed his eyes at her. "GO!" Kagome stumbled back and swiftly turned away. She started to run until she ran right into Sango.
{S} And if I bleed, I'll bleed,
Knowing you don't care.
And if I sleep just to dream of you
I'll wake without you there,
Isn't something missing?
Isn't something...
"What happened?" Kagome looked at her, her eyes where wide like a freighted animal. Then she blinked and shook her head.
"It doesn't matter I'm ok now." Sango and Miroku narrowed their eyes at her but they didn't push.
~Part 2~
In the shadow in the light by Enigma
The next 4 days where long and strenuous, Kagome hardly said 5 full sentences. Every one else was theorizing on what had happened but figured it was better not to ask her. Kagome spent most of her time lost in her thoughts.
She wondered what would have happened if Inuyasha was still alive. She wondered if she did the right thing; telling Sesshoumaru no. then she would wonder why she wondered if she did the right think.
Kagome sighed and looked up at the sky... something didn't feel right. She watched the clouds floated by and she held on to Kiara so she didn't fall off. Suddenly there was a jolt and she was thrust forward hitting Sango in the back.
"What? Huhh?" Sango looked at her and blinked it wasn't till then that kagome realized Kiara was growling. "What's going on?" Sango shook her head then looked at Miroku.
"What do you think?" he shrugged. Kagome started to get antsy as she looked around Sango. She couldn't put her finger on it.
"It's strange that she would act like this." He walked up to her and stroked between her ears. "What's wrong?" Kiara looked at him and frowned around her huge fangs. She looked back up the trail and shifted hissing. Kagome hopped off taking her quiver of arrows and slinging it over her head and under one shoulder then snagged her bow.
"We should go see what it is." Kagome realized she sounded a little too ambitious. "We have to go that way anyway." Every one nodded and followed her.
Just before she turned the bend the smell of blood assaulted her nose making her stumble and sneeze. Kagome swallowed her stomach as it rose into her throat. She looked at the others and loaded her bow. Kagome frowned as she turned the corner.
Then she froze her legs refusing to work. She dropped her bow and arrow. Her eyes started to water as she took one shaky step forward. Every one rounded the corner and gasped at the bloody pile of white in the center of the clearing.
I promise you, for all your life
I'll be Always on your side
In the shadow, in the light.
"Sessh..." Kagomes throat tightened as her legs finally started to work, the others looked around the clearing for a moment and spotted sword splinters not too far away from Sesshoumaru's broken form.
In moments she found her self by his side brushing a stray lock of hair out of his blood smeared face. She could feel her eyes start to sting as tears spilled down her cheeks. She just couldn't win. She thought to her self. She bent down resting her head on his as sobs racked her body. She could feel the distressed look on their faces as a hand reached up and ran threw her hair.
I'll follow you, wherever life goes
But I'll always be aside
In the shadow, in the light.
"Kagome... I was..." she pulled back and stared at him for a moment as a faint smile crossed his face. "Wondering... if I... would see you..." Kagome smiled around her tears and gently shifted him into her lap planting a soft kiss on his forehead. She wrapped her arms around him as best she could.
"I'm so sorry... I didn't mean it." Sesshoumaru reached up and rested his arm around her neck.
"I see that." He closed his eyes tightly and Kagome could feel his muscles tighten under her. She pulled back just enough to see his face as he grimaced.
But if we don't understand...
Hell is happy, heaven is sad
And that's the result of our brain...
Insane...
"Sesshoumaru?" her voice was so low only he could hear it he opened his eyes; they where a dull bronze. He cupped on hand on her cheek and smiled painfully.
"I'm glad I could see you..." his jaw tightened and kagome started to shake her head knowing what he was going to say.
"No your going to be ok." She looked over his and gasped then looked back to his face. New tears started to slide down her face onto his cheek. "No... you can't..." she nuzzled his neck willing the tears to stop.
As she buried her face in the crook of his neck everyone watched silently as Kagome clutched Inuyasha's half brother desperately. They looked at each other and frowned, Sango moved closer to Miroku as he wrapped an arm around her. Shippo plopped next to Kiara's small kitten form dazed and just a touch confused.
"Kagome..." Sesshoumaru sighed as he calmly stroked her hair. "Even I can't survive this." Kagome sobbed as she lifted her head to look at him. He ran his hand from her hair to her cheek.
"But..." he shook his head and looked away. Kagome followed his gaze right to a shattered Tenseiga. She swallowed another sob. And looked at him; she could see his eyes growing darker. "I... I..." he wiped his hand on a clean spot on his sleeve snd placed it over her lips.
Caravan of life
By day and by night
Every tile's a part of life
If it's shadow, or if it's light
"Kagome innocent little thing..." she rested her head on his chest and let the sobs rack her body. "This is my life's end but not my end." Kagome tightened her grip on his shirt.
"You can't!" she whispered harshly and he felt her powers pour into him. He lifted her head breaking her concentration.
"Don't waist your power on a lost cause." Kagome frowned and furrowed her brow. She looked to his shredded torso to find nothing had changed. She bit her lip and looked back at him more tears trickling down her face.
"I'm sorry..." he shook his head just a bit.
I promise you, even when the tide is high
I'll be always on your side
In the shadow, in the light
"You did nothing..." Kagome clenched her teeth. "You will never be with out me." Kagome kissed him gently on the lips then rested her forehead on his. "I love you Kagome." The young miko clenched her jaw as his voice faded and his body went rigged then limp. Kagome heard soft steps behind her as Sango walked over. She looked up at the older woman and bit her lip.
"Come on Kagome Miroku with give him a proper burial." The girl nodded and started to stand when something green caught her eye.
She reached down into one of the folds of his shirt and pulled out an obi decorated with moons impaled by arrows. She bit her lip resisting the tears; comically she wondered why he got her an obi. Not like she would really use it. She pulled it close as she stood and followed Sango.
As they walked Sango had her arm around the girls shoulder. She looked at Kagome and frowned. She watched the girl breathing the spicy musk from the fabric she clenched tightly to her.
"Kagome." the young miko looked up at her. "What happened in the castle?" Kagome frowned and looked at the obi.
"Nothing really... other than the fact I fell in love with him." Sango nodded.
"I gathered that much." Kagome looked at her again and wrinkled her nose.
"Nothing like that." Sango nodded again and rubbed the girls arm.
Later on Miroku and Shippo joined them and the started back to the hut. Kagome became with drawn and wore the obi tied around her waist; it would have been truly comical if it weren't such a grim situation.
When they finally reached the hut kagome instantly retreated home for some down time and to turn in some work. A week or so later she came back to continue the hunt for the shards. She was wearing a pair of jeans with the obi tied around her waist like a belt.
Tada... the end
The Wheel is a tarot card that represents a new chapter in ones life where changes are made
{songs}
{In the shadow in the light by Enigma}
I promise you, for all my life
I'll be Always on your side
In the shadow, in the light.
I'll follow you, wherever life goes
But I'll always be aside
In the shadow, in the light.
But if we don't understand...
Hell is happy, heaven is sad
And that's the result of our brain...
Insane...
Caravan of life
By day and by night
Every tile's a part of life
If it's shadow, or if it's light
I promise you, even when the tide is high
I'll be always on your side
In the shadow, in the light
{Missing by Evanescence}
Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
Maybe someday you'll look up,
And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one:
"Isn't something missing?"
You won't cry for my absence, I know -
You forgot me long ago.
Am I that unimportant...?
Am I so insignificant...?
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?
[Chorus:]
Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?
Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
I know what you do to yourself,
I breathe deep and cry out,
"Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?"
[Chorus]
And if I bleed, I'll bleed,
Knowing you don't care.
And if I sleep just to dream of you
I'll wake without you there,
Isn't something missing?
Isn't something...