| The idea of the story is a little mediocre, but I'm sure with some desperately needed tweaking it could quite possibly be very good. I think you should really consider changing your title due to the fact that it doesn't reflect the story and, just to be blunt, it sounds really stupid. Your grammar needs to be improved but I'm sure with proofreading that problem can be solved easily. The first chapter was not very good and to be quite honest I felt like i was reading the work of a seventh grader. From the moment I read the first line I knew it wouldn't be good. So may I suggest that you take this story and mold it a litte better because it has potential. I'm sorry if I'm being so harsh its just that for as long as I've been reading these fanfics I get rather sick of reading the same mistakes and reading mediocre story after mediocre story. I don't think I can stand another poorly done story and not say anything. Good luck.
Genocide of the unfaithful- Fri 13 Jun 2008
| thank u and that is a good start but u should have kept the other guy a mystery and pulled it out
Connie- Fri 13 Jun 2008
| Please update soon
Arcana Mortalitas- Fri 13 Jun 2008
| I really like the idea for the story but it needs to be edited.
LordSesshomaruLover16- Fri 13 Jun 2008
um like what your doing with the story and everything but this is just a suggestion not a flame or anything i think maybe you should use spell check and maybe find yourself a beta reader because your grammar is very poor
LordSesshomaruLover16
whispertoo- Fri 13 Jun 2008
well i like the idea of the story but becuse there was no story i left no review.
now that you have, so will i.
let me just say that if you like it go for it and people will like it or not. you cant please evryone. but as for me...i dont want to be mean but i think you could use a bata or someone to prof read your story. but what do i know im not a writer.
well like i said, like the idea, just not to keen on the writing.
sorry :( hope i was not to harsh.
Yea. i agree with them. not much to judge by
write the story and kindly request a beta to proofread your story.
LordSesshomaruLover16- Thu 12 Jun 2008
it sounds interesting from the little summary so i hope you do something with it
LordSesshomaruLover16
Sheena
annoyed- Thu 12 Jun 2008
| I agree, write the fucking story and then ask. Anything sounds good at first.
Connie - Thu 12 Jun 2008
write the fucking story. . .
Please
Elli Mac- Thu 12 Jun 2008
| hey this this is a pretty good idea you should so try it out cuz you may not know how well it will be until you just try it . so I will be waiting to see this fanfic that peeks my interest.
kiekie290- Thu 12 Jun 2008
| i like it all but the whole pregnancy thing but its your story so i say go for it
Arcana Mortalitas- Thu 12 Jun 2008
| I would definately read this fic.
mimi g- Thu 12 Jun 2008
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