Great job with the lemon!

Awwww i like how u involve all the dancing in it to make it a lemon - a good way!! Can't wait if you do continue the story!!

I hope you don't mind me swearing but HOT DAMN. that was wow. that was really good. I can only hope that my first one will be wrote that good. post more soon.

hugs and puppies

Not bad for a first try. Could run a bit more smoothly. It seems awkward in some places, especially near the end.

You should proof it a bit. Please...small pet peeve here...Women do NOT have 'Nibbles'. It is not possible to 'nibble' on a 'nibble'. To 'Nibble' is what you do with you pick at your food, or simply take a small bite. Women have 'Nipples'.

Nice romantic story. The lemon was tastefully done and did not go over the top. I only saw a few spelling errors...just normal ones. The spelling of certain words such as colour, favourite, and centre are words that are normal for your standard of English that I understand very well because although I am an American, I was raised partly in the British West Indies. I was teased alot myself but I now flip flop between American and traditional English. My spell checker is set for American English and I either have to let it accept the spelling of such words or force it to accept the other way of spelling. I prefer the traditional English (British).
You had a few grammar errors in certain spots but overall I liked your story.

Your way of spelling is not wrong just spelled differently *winks*...it still has the same meanings.

Btw, I think this story would be nice as a continuation instead of a oneshot.

Great job!...*hugs and smiles*

very nice very well wrighten i like it alot

Well I like it overall, but it does have a lot of word choice & spelling errors (unless you’re somewhere in the UK & then maybe the spelling is OK), I think there’s also a missing word in this paragraph;

Kagome watched as he got to his knees. Her eyes fell from his eyes to the broad span of his chest downward. His pale skin was pulled tight across the muscles of his abs. She watched with ??? as his hands made for the tie of his hakamas. He could see the emotion of excitement but nervousness in her eyes. One quick jerk and he permit the material to pool at his knees. He moved forward to his beautiful goddess. The silk was left behind.

She watched with what? because with as makes no sense. I hope you had this spell-checked & maybe edited before you turned it in or else you may get a lower grade than you wanted depending on how picky your prof is on accuracy.

This was very tastefully done. Great job for ur first lemon. I think you should continue the story a bit longer. Keep up the great work :P

i LOVED it....i know it was just supposed to be a one shot but i feel it would make a great story....of course it would need a twist....but it was great!!....

i loved this one-shot and i don't normally read them b/c some times there really sucky, but this one was awesome !

i am using my twins sisters email don't have min yet i like it nice detail on the surroundings and befroe u ask no offens of any kind i am a boy with 2 twins sisters we r triplets people ask me reapedly what i mean so explained before hand