It is almost one in the morning, and I just finished your fic. Wow. The last two chapters are my favorite,and you had the characters down. I love how you avoided cliches and made for a refreshing read. Wonderful job!

I like your story a lot. What I don't really care for is putting down the use of cliches in other's stories. I've read stories that have used many of the cliches mentioned and they are absolutely wonderful. I also think that you are a hypocrite because you have several "overused cliches" in your fic.
1. Kagome's holier than thou attitude
2. Kagome growing Sesshoumaru's arm back.
3. Kagome and Shippo's mother son relationship.
4. Inuyasha going to hell with Kikyo.
5. The well being sealed off some how not allowing Kagome back in her time.
6. Kagome some how becoming immortal.
7. You said Kagome wouldn't be all powerful, so just how is she more powerful than a Taiyoukai. And for that matter how is she able to gauge if she's more powerful than someone else?

Just some food for thought. Keep in that there are a lot of first time writers out there and it takes a very brave person (you included) to put their work out there for others to view and critique. So any comments should be given with the intent to improve and not to demean.

All said, this was quite entertaining, though definitely with a number of holes had to be ignored.

Re. Chapter 11, however: Good grief. Does anyone really buy that Kagome would scream out "milord" during orgasm? I think it was a bit of a cop-out to "resolve" the challenge this way. No intent required, no actual act of submission, just an excited utterance while having sex. I'm afraid it rings a bit hollow as a resolution.

As at Chapter 9: Mmm, the "romance" came a bit out of left-field. I know you wrote at the start that you wouldn't have Sesshomaru "agonising" over his feelings, but he didn't seem to have at any at *all* until this point. That's all very well from Kagome's point-of-view, since Sesshomaru is naturally stoic, but not very well from the reader's point-of-view, since you'd spent quite enough time in Sesshomaru's head to give at least a *hint* of his growing affections for Kagome. From the other side, Kagome's response wasn't particularly believable. Unlike Sesshomaru, Kagome isn't at *all* stoic, and still there was absolutely no indication that her feelings for him were at *all* of the warm and fuzzy kind.

The battle itself seemed just a little over the top. All Sesshomaru had to do at the very start of this entire set of events, was fly around, find Tadashii, and kill him. Instead he waits while village after village of youkai are slaughtered, confers with people, build up forces, and finally has a toe-toe to slug-fest with someone he should, by all rights, have squashed like a bug *weeks* earlier.

Speaking of squashing bugs, is anyone else at all perplexed by this "confrontation" between Tadashii and Sesshomaru? This is how squashing bugs happens: it's instant, and very fatal for the bug. How the hell is this fight lasting so long that Kagome has had to pick off two people already who are attempting to attack Sesshomaru from behind?

Chapter 6: Hmmm ... still interesting, but Kagome's getting just a little bit preachy and self-righteous. "I helped them because it was the right thing to do." Gyaah. Gag me now.

Speaking of cliches: Kagome heals Sesshomaru to give him his arm back? Given that, in canon, Sesshomaru gets his own arm back when he transforms to fight Magatsuhi, I don't understand why so many authors make Kagome do it.

Another cliche: Magically (pun-not-intended), Kagome's purification powers are suddenly able to affect Sesshomaru, who in canon is actually just about immune to holy powers.

Speaking of which, what's the liklihood that holy powers would even be able to heal him? Snowflake in hell, I think.

As at Chapter 5: Hmm, it's entertaining so far, though the "logic" of the challenge doesn't quite sit with me. Sesshomaru knows Kagome's motivations for "challenging" him, so why is he wilfully playing into her hands? Manipulating Sesshomaru into giving her what she wants is so far from "submission" that it's ridiculous. Exactly how is this a "win" for him? Inuyasha might fall for these tactics, but I think Sesshomaru is a little OOC for doing so.

... Oh my god. Speaking of being OOC: Inuyasha! Good grief.

I came across the sequel to this one so desided to read this one first. I must say that I am delitefully suprised at how much I enjoyed it.
Like you I tend to stay away from the 'high school' themes. It just isn't right to see Sesshoumaru in high school! Now on to the sequel!
Tilayha

please please please please post the epiloge. pleas please pleas

this was awesome!!..i really loved this story!!...i loved how it was made without the normal things...

You know, this is making it boring. making kagome weak. Boring.

this is awesome!!..more chapters please!!..umm its was to be more but i put and i instead of and o..lol..sorry!

I like it. Definately a nice change from all the overused cliches. However, I did notice two that you managed to use...

1. "My name is Kagome. Ka-Go-Me."
This only happened once in the entire series yet it is seen in fic after fic.

2. Kagome being Shippo's adoptive mother. I'm willing to admit I may be wrong on this one since I've barely read any of the manga but in the anime Shippo never refers to Kagome as his mother. I admit if he did it in the original Japanese I wouldn't even know. However, in my opinion, this is one of the biggest cliches in the fan fics and it's used constantly.

It's still a good story. I just thought you might get a chuckle out of seeing you missed and even used a cliche or two while trying to avoid them.

Just read your fic for the first time, and it was pretty good. I did find it odd that Sesshomaru would kiss Kagome like that without you giving any 'real indication' that he liked her as more than an ally. >shrugs shoulders No big deal, since the story was still good, and I thought it was better than reading about Sess comparing her to all the females he's had and used (another cliche to me). Only a few things I could comment on would be: 1- Kagome commenting that Koga has more power than her. In my opinion, if he was easily beat by the Birds of Paradise and Kagura even though he had jewel shards, then he isn't that powerful at all (but that's my opinion, you can interpret him any way you want). 2- A couple of spelling errors, most notably weather and dieing. If you're talking about the sun and the clouds, then it's weather. But the word you should have used in the context of your sentence was WHETHER. And it's DYING, not dieing. Otherwise, good story and good luck in any future writing of Sess/Kag fics.

okay, your story is well written but there are a few things that bother me.

1- your obvious blatent dislike for cliches. I have read wonderful stories with the cliches you've mentioned, and its not really in your place to say what fanfics are good and what aren't. Even though it is not stated, I feel as though you are saying "my story will be better BECAUSE it wont be the cliches listed above". If you dont like it, just be humble about it.

2- you are being hypocritical. Shippo never calls Kagome momma or whatever, and Rin never speaks in third person. Just a few examples i found.

I just read discovered your delightful story. I really like itl. Like you, I'm tired of certain plots used one time too many. I'm glad Kag's powerful in a normal way. I like the anime but they keep her a wimp, not letting her be able to protect herself. I like the way you're having Kag and Sess interact with each other. I, too, have never liked them falling in love in the first few chapters. Part of the enjoyment of reading a story is watching their emotions slowly come into play. So, keep the creative juices flowing.

Read this all in 1 go & like it & am looking forward to more. Ginta & Hakkaku both call Kagome sister, just don't ask me which is which.

Just a bit of Cinderella trivia according to various things I've read the glass slipper was a translation error from the original French & it was a squirrel fur slipper not glass. Also I think glass objects were around back then but costly because they were hard to make & usually kinda warped.

oh the original story of cinderella before the grim brothers fucked up was that the shoe wasnt made from glass it had lining of fur and the mitaked the transilation in to glass insted of fur...anyways mire chapters please!!

here's one that i've seen often as the plot: Kag makes wish on complete shikon. wish somehow went differently then thought or had backfired. sesshy helps kag and the gang with wish problem. kag falls for sesshy with a jealous hanyou. LOVE TRIANGLE!!!

I see that sooooo often.

Hey there, I just wanted to say that I like your story, but also, sometimes a good cliche is okay, depending on what it is.

Also, things that I found to make me stop reading a story is
(a) bad grammar
(b) I once read a story that was good...until the person brought their own character in and she was stronger than Sesshoumaru. I stopped reading right after that.

-Also, the whole point of a fanfic is to be creative, so if someone wants Naraku to desire Kagome, I think that works out, maybe if he wants her power, or wants to taint her soul so the Shikon no Tama can no longer be purified.

But, I do think you portrayed Kagome and Sesshoumaru quite well.
-Sesshoumaru would not kill someone unless he had a reason, he had honour, he isn't some low class demon that kills for no just cause. Also, you had mentioned about Sesshoumaru would never go mushy, we all know that in the movie: Swords of an Honourable Ruler. He says he has no one to protect while thinking of Rin and Jaken. To show ones emotions outside the privacy of like, the bedroom, is dangerous because it can get him killed, or even get someone he cares for killed. But yes, he would never go mushy, such as sing a love song or something. If he wanted to show someone his affection (or romance them), like Kagome, he would simply have to pick her a flower and put it behind her ear. He wouldn't have to say anything, but the simple gesture shows that he has some interest in her "petty human likings" such as flowers.

-Kagome would never kill a demon without a just cause, and even then she hates killing. So good on you.

I once thought while reading, "Why wouldn't the youkai run?" they are, after all, youkai, and I'm sure they have the power to get out of there alive, but, then I thought, well, it's on Sesshoumaru's lands, they would most likely protect their village, keep the monk from the castle, and protect their family. Youkai are proud beings so I don't think they would run from humans so quickly.

Okay, I think that's it for now, I love your story, don't ruin it!

this is awesome...please keep writing...

This is an excellent start. I really like the storyline and I think you've done a wonderful job with writing the characters. I can't wait to see where this will lead. I hope chapter two is posted soon I can't wait to read it.