Wow, Natalie, just wow. >_>; Not to be rude or anything, but... you suck. ._.; I mean, your grammar is not exactly the best, but it's better than I expected. You have no detail, chapters are too short. I think you could successfully merge all of your chapters so far into one, plus more... You lack detail, and a lot of it. Don't just say that he had silver hair. Get crazy with the adjectives and adverbs. Say he had, "long, flowing hair the color of mercury". >_>; And yeah, use a thesaurus, a dictionary, and synonyms. They are a writer's best friend!!
Yeah, Bunneh ish out. :3
PIISU ^.^v
elvira- Tue 17 Jul 2007
| wow..thats tight more chapters please!!...a liitle bit longer!!
fifi- Tue 10 Jul 2007
| me again don't listen to da shit critics say. u did it!! a monosylabic like story and i like it its refreshing obviously people who want more should find people who write more but whatever nice plot like i said its like a comercial story what happens next tell me in your way hella hard way
fifi- Tue 10 Jul 2007
| Continue this fic its like a story comercial i like it please continue
elvira- Mon 09 Jul 2007
| chapters should be longer!!!...but this hella tight...thats scary having some one just kiss you like that and say your his..more chapters please!!
pam h.- Mon 09 Jul 2007
| even though the chaps. were short i love it but can you make it longer
Angel- Sun 08 Jul 2007
Can you make longer chaps?
I love it anyways
elvira- Mon 02 Jul 2007
| why does she move so much?...more chapters please!!!
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