i love this story please update soon

Good chapter so far.. It sounds like it is going to be an interesting story...
I can't wait to read more.. Please hurry and update soon...
Well take Care
Mari

Uhhh....

The plotline and summary is really good.

It would make the FF HELL-A-LOT better though if you use better sentence structures and new story format. It is so easier to read is the sentences are SEPARATED. You should use more details and adjectives.

Example: 'Ouch, my head.' With her headin her small hands, the raven-haired woman placed her fatigued down on the desk. Tired and definately pissed off at what had happened a few moments earlier...

The chapter is way too short too. There wasn't a lot spelling (uhh... it's "major" not "mayor") or grammer mistakes, but this chapter really seem like a 5mins thing.

You should really consider to have a beta reader.

I am sorry that I don't feel sorry about being a bit too straight forward in this review.

Heartless Flamer

you have a good start and should defiently continue.
Bruce n' Charlie