Reviews for The Lost Art of War by S.S.Hikage
Mutnodjmet- Fri 02 Nov 2007
I liked it and will be looking for more updates as they become available.
Excelent job! *hugs and smiles*
Someone- Fri 02 Nov 2007
Katie33h- Thu 01 Nov 2007
snowbird- Mon 15 Oct 2007
snowbird- Sat 01 Sep 2007
K,T,M- Tue 07 Aug 2007
DarkAngel495- Tue 01 May 2007
I N T E R E S T I N G ! ! U P D A T E
S O O N ! ! I L o V e i T ! ! T h a N k s
^^
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chaos-and-Serenity- Fri 22 Dec 2006
The suspense is really building and I'm so excited to see what your imagination will bring us.
Nitpicking time - please bear with me! The grammar was perfect with the exception of a few quotations, which was weird because at least half of them were correct. Sometimes I think the server is responsible. I had a few words in a paragraph mysteriously disappear once after I uploaded. Example:
“Do not fail me in this†Xue Fang warned dangerously.
Should be: "Do not fail me in this," Xue Fang warned dangerously.
“Yes Gobodou-samaâ€Â.
Should be: "Yes, Gobodou-sama."
There was actually a big controversy over this in a fan guild and people whipped out the grammar books. Punctuation goes inside the quotation marks and a comma is needed when you add things like *he said*.
Again, that's easy crap to fix. Your sentence structure is great and the narrative flows well. Most importantly, though, to any story is the story itself, and trust me when I say that nothing is lacking there. Your improvement has already shown and I have no doubts that soon enough you're gonna blow my mind!
Do I sound motherly to you right about now. Okay, time to shut my trap. I'm lovin' it more than Mickey D's and I can't wait for an update!
kat- Wed 29 Nov 2006
update soon i do like this story and the quotes at the beginning are great
swasdiva- Wed 15 Nov 2006
Raven88- Wed 15 Nov 2006
Chaos-and-Serenity- Wed 15 Nov 2006
On a critical note, there a few grammar issues, but they struck me as easily rectified mistakes. Many sentences were missing vital comas and oftentimes the apostrophe was left out when the possessive was used. Also, punctuation is placed inside the quotations marks in dialogue. Examples:
“Rin, listen to me! You will stay here and that’s final!†the tone of Kagome’s voice changing to one of authority “does not leave the barrier until they are all deadâ€Â.
Corrected: "Rin, listen to me! You will stay here and that's final! Do not leave the barrier until they are all dead," Kagome said authoritatively.
Defying her miko powers will to heal the injuries she had sustained she used the last of her energy to send a wave of power to the only one that could save the girl now.
Corrected: Defying her miko power's will to heal the injuries she had just sustained, she used the last of her energy to send a wave of power to the only one that could save the girl now.
There were a lot of sentrences like the one above. The coma after sustained is vital. You can literally feel the pause in the sentence.
However, I think these offences are relatively minor and easy to fix. I love the shape your story is taking and I think the narrative is fantastic. Please remember that people usually only offer constructive criticism to stories they view as having incredible potential.
Thanks for sharing with us!
kitsune_bot- Wed 15 Nov 2006
Noacat- Wed 15 Nov 2006
Excellent story. I can't wait for more!!
Serena- Wed 15 Nov 2006
nostalgic-maiden- Tue 14 Nov 2006
Yue- Tue 14 Nov 2006
Shiori- Mon 13 Nov 2006
Tanya131- Mon 13 Nov 2006