All five chapters were good.
Such a cute story! Sorry, I know I get a little zealous with regard to grammatical and writing technique, but I do it out of a love of writing and the desire to see those with talent flourish. I think you have the makings to capture an audience. This story is amazing and has such possibilities! I look forward to seeing where you go with this story, and hope you'll consider my constructive criticism as just that. You are imaginative and that alone is amazing! Looking forward to your next chapter!
"I’m not into food that the well off people eat." Oh honey...#SmacksForehead
Awwwweee...
Whaaaaat? I don't get what they're trying to tell Sesshomaru. Is HE the Valkyrie? If he is, is Kagome NOT?
Waaaaait a second. Since WHEN are he and demon kind the only ones who can see her? I feel like that should've been explained? So lost.
Hop, skip, and a jump but SUPER sweet nonetheless!
This is truly sad and sweet. A perfect combination. Well done.
Wait, wait wait wait wait... "Sesshomaru running his clawed fingers gently through her raven black locks." I thought he hair was white?
Nice cliffhanger!
"Take her out on the town.” I love Rin! She's so cute and innocent. Great chapter!
Ok so, not sure how Sesshomaru could type in her current description and come up with the previous description of her former self. That part didn't make sense to me considering how different both descriptions are. THAT SAID, OMG OMG OMG I really do LOVE where you're headed with how she came to be a she is currently (trying not to give away any spoilers for any who haven't read it yet) but i NEVER saw that coming and I'm even more excited to keep reading! Great job!
Progressing a little fast, with the characters so quickly acquiescing to their roles. I was a little confused how a being with no memory of her name or her kind would adapt to her level of perceived comfort in such a short period of time without questioning a little further. But I like the story and so far it seems to have great potential! I also love the hair color reversal which took me by surprise. So glad it wasn't something cheezy like black and white stripes. Lol. I also love the setup of Rin being demon and her divorced parents not being there for her often. Though I would have preferred to stretch out the interactions with "Valerie" a little longer before Sesshomaru realized the error of his parental ways? I'm super excited to see where this story goes! All in all I think you've done a wonderful job so far and I'm looking forward to reading more!!!
Nice chapter.
Great chapter.
hi - i just finished this great story and i hope find it within yourself to continue it - you are a very talented writer -
Good chapters, keep it coming.
That was a mean cliffhanger. Hopefully you can update soon, it was great to finally read an update.
Whoa. That was fast. I like where this is going, keep up the good work!
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