I like your story it pulled me right in.  You also set it up for a lot of different things to happen.  A couple of tips, slow down and go into just a little more detail, it make the story come alive, and second have one check your spelling or read it your self for a second time there were alot of spelling mistakes.  But other wise very good and i cant wait for the next chapter.

nice simple beginning, enought to entice.  however, before submitting spell check..hope to see more soon

This story has potential, your story would be really sharp if you found someone to beta for you. I'll be looking forward to seeing how your story progresses :)