Hey, Smortz! I'm really liking this story---the idea of Sesshomaru having erectile dysfunction via a seal is quite a unique and fun idea. I especially like the interplay between Sesshomaru and Kagome during this.
However, I have one tiny thing I have to nit-pick. It's happened in all your stories, I've noticed. I'm not sure if it's because of a word document error or if it's something you just haven't thought about, but you always seem to make the characters stutter quite a bit. Now, I understand having them stutter every now and again (particularly during tense/embarrasing moments) is unavoidable, but you have them do it quite a bit---even during normal conversations where stuttering seems out of context and just plain odd. Sesshomaru, in particular, stutters quite a bit in your stories (which, given his character of being level-headed and always perfect, even when he's in shock, seems a bit unrealistic).
Some random examples:
Chapter 2:
With that in mind, Kagome snapped out of her thoughts and put her plan into action. “I-I'm going to try something,” Kagome stated.
Chapter 7:
“Y-You look as if you belong with the kamis,” Sesshomaru whispered from behind her. Kagome found her own heart skipping a beat, a flush spreading across her face. His voice was raspy, thick with need. “I am tempted to delay this dinner for some... dessert.”
“Y-You jerk!” She shouted, pushing herself to stand and stumbling out the door with a firm hold on the neck of the entire sake bottle.
Chapter 8:
Sitting in the chair before the mirror and vanity, Kagome looked absolutely defeated. The make-up was smeared around her eyes, hidden under a few bangs that had escaped the confinement of the chop sticks. Instantly, he felt like the jerk she had called him. “G-Go away.”
“It’s not a seal,” she whispered in realization, turning to stare at Sesshomaru with wide, sapphire eyes that sparkled with her discovery. “It’s a power. I-It’s a demonic power.”
“Were you able to weaken it?” He wondered, referring to the way her powers had manipulated his own. “I-If we were to indulge ourselves, would you be able to weaken it enough to let me claim you, Kagome?” He asked, his throat growing thick with his nerves.
“I-I could try,” Kagome noted, nodding her head to support her statement.
Hopefully that explains it better ^^;; Whenever I read the stutters it's a bit jarring 'cause they seem to come out of nowhere most times, and reading a Sesshomaru that stutters is just odd, imo. Were you perhaps trying to make a pause between words on some of them, maybe? I'm just confused, I guess, but other than that one nit-pick, this story is turning out to be a great ride and I hope to read more from you in future ^^
I was sooooo happy when I saw this was updated! I'd trust Sess-mama about as far as I could throw her though. She thought she was doing the right thing?! They let that go just a bit tooooo easily for suffering for years of mental and physical pain. I would think he'd be just a bit more irked.
Anyway, can't wait to see what's next!
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